Formspring Friday: Self acceptance and Pegging

Q. I know this is supposed to be for questions, but I just wanted to thank you for doing this blog. I've had issues believing in myself, and that someone out there would find me attractive. Your blog has inspired me to not give up and keep moving forward.
I'm so glad to hear your confidence is growing! I'm so happy to hear the feedback, even if it is anonymous. I used to feel the same way, in fact I've had quite a journey of self-acceptance as you can reading in "Being sex positive part 1" and "part two." I've learned that the world is full of people who enjoy a variety of things; we all can find someone (or many someones) who find you attractive. If anything, I would say a lack of self-confidence is holding you back more than any physical quality you're unsure of.

Believe in yourself! I hope you find someone who can help you, but realize the world is a big place and if you haven't found someone yet, there's always tomorrow. (Cheesy and cliched message aside, I REALLY mean that!). Find what you do like about yourself and then find reasons to like more of you. I've had terrible confidence in my body for years, but man does my BF love every bit of me, even the parts I'm not so fond of. But they are a part of me - And I rock.

I'm not sure if you're male/female/other or what in particular has you concerned, but check out these tumblr lists for some body-positive views:

http://unhungheroes.tumblr.com/ - dedicated to the smaller penises in the world
http://lovemyvagina.tumblr.com/ - showing the variety of vulva's in the world
http://onlycutechubbygirls.tumblr.com/ and http://onlycutechubbygirlsxxx.tumblr.com/ - both dedicated to the "chubby" and BBW's
http://boobsmall.tumblr.com/  - celebrating small boobs! Small boobs are beautiful.
http://redaddict.tumblr.com/ - Redheads and gingers only - and boy are they adored
http://txperv.tumblr.com/ - real life amateur sex shots of anyone
http://fuckyeahgeekgirls.com/ - geek girls!
http://samberrilicious.tumblr.com/ - probably my favorite tumblr voice on being body positive and OK with the body you have - thin, skinny, chubby, fat, whatever!

I'm sure there are plenty more out there that I haven't seen. Trust me, you're sexy and someone out there is looking for you. Don't give up!

Q. I want my wife to peg me, but I don't think she'll be into it. Any advice?
I have a ton of advice!

First - TALK to her about it. Tell her what you want, why you want it, when you want to do it, how you'd like to do it. There's no need for flip charts or presentations, but just say it. Until you do, it will be this big thing in your mind and all you will do is think of how big and how wrong it might be.

Communication is key.  If you can't talk about why you want it,  you'll never make it to selecting the toys or even trying it together for the first time. Talk, talk talk.

It shouldn't be a "I need you to do this for me" or "Guess what we're going to try..." Don't assume she's a yes, but also don't assume she'll freak out on you and say no to it. Approach it as "I've been thinking..." or "Lately I've thought about..." and just spill it. Don't use euphemisms or avoid words like "peg" "fuck" "ass" "dildo." It might lead to confusion. You want this: own it. Show confidence in why you want to do this, but more importantly why HER involvement is so important to you. There are few things sexier than a man telling you why he wants YOU to do something with him.

Anything beyond talking will depend on how the talk with your wife goes. She may be excited, she might be uncertain, or it could freak her out. Whatever her reaction is, don't react out of anger or disappointment. She might need time to think about it and consider it. She may need to do research to realize it is done A LOT, just no one talks about it.

This is a dialogue, keep it that way. Reacting and starting an argument will only make the topic that much more controversial and result in a dislike of it. Just be patient.

Make it a point to talk about her wants and desires. Hopefully this isn't the first open and honest talk about sex you've had -- so you should have some topics of your own. What would she like to try? How often do you use toys on her? Make this an exciting thing for you both to discover.

If she's up for it, send her to some blogs like my own that talk about pegging from a woman's perspective so she can see it for herself. Above all, make sure she knows its about you and you want to experience it with her.

If it doesn't go well, don't hold it against her. Not everyone is into everything. Things might change down the road or they may not. If not, then I guess you'll be buying some dildos or plugs to use on your own!

Review: Maximus Lube

Note: This product was provided by Erotic Toy Town in exchange for an honest review. You can check out all the lubes available at Erotic Toy Town right here. 

The Product
Playing with toys often requires good lubrication. We have tried a variety of lubes and have come up with a list of qualities we like in our lubes. They are:

• Water-based: While we've tried silicone-based lube, we weren't that impressed. Plus, we have a lot of silicone toys so purchasing silicone lube still requires the purchase of a water-based lube for use with our toys. Silicone lube is then restricted to hand/foot jobs. We'd rather just have one main type of lube on hand. That makes water-based lube the winner in our home.
• Glycerin free: While this seems like a simple and "duh" requirement, it is shocking how many lubes out there include glycerin as a product. Glycerin is a huge danger ingredient for women with yeast infections. Consider fingers and dick and toys tend to wander, I don't want this ingredient anywhere near my pussy.
• Parabens: I try very hard to stay away from parabens in my lubricants. There is a lot of controversy and scientific studies that debate whether they are or are not dangerous. For me, I prefer to stay on the safe side and just avoid them altogether. I am not allergic to them, although I've heard some horror stories of having burn-like reactions to them. So if a lube has any parabens as an ingredient, then I will not use it for internal use. If I have it on my hands or feet, I'll wash off immediately when done.
• Flavoring: We don't use lube for oral sex at all, so it really doesn't matter to us if it tastes like anything. Normally we don't bother with a flavor because of this.

Photo courtesy of Erotic Toy Town

Believe it or not, the glycerin narrows our water-based lube choice by about 50% it seems. If we pick something without parabens, cut out another 25% at least. That leaves very few choices for lube.

Whenever I ask for recommendations on lube, the Maximus brand lubricant is always one of the most popular suggestions. It seems everyone likes this lube! I was a little hesitant to try it because of the parabens, but since I so rarely use lube internally, I thought I would give it a try. I'm very glad I did.

The bottle is a larger bottle of lube with 8.45oz (250ml) of lube in it.


The Sex (for Her)
I give my boyfriend a lot of handjobs and the occasional footjob. I always like to take my time, and this normally requires a lot of lube application and reapplication. Normally with a water-based lube I'll apply lube 4-7 times depending on the lube. It can be a real pain as it interrupts the action. This lube was an excellent surprise! Where other lubes fall short in duration, this lube wins the prize. It lasts like a silicone lube!  It has a slight oily feel to it, but its very smooth and doesn't end up tacky like most other lubes. This lube just becomes "less" the longer you use it, so pleasant sensation isn't lost to a rubbing feeling.

And I like to play with the balls as well.

When I give him a handjob with this lube, I start out with 2 pumps and start lightly stroking his cock. This lube isn't super thick like some others I've tried, but it isn't runny either. It glides very easily across his dick and covers him very easily. Two or three strokes up and down and his cock is covered in lube. I will toy with him by jacking him off and teasing him lightly, increasing the intensity and, at my pace, bringing him to orgasm. At some point I'll add another squirt just to keep his dick slick enough for easy gliding. Toward the end of a handjob I focus on either the head of the penis or long, fast strokes up and down his dick. I give a lot of pressure so having a smooth, long lasting lube is key! 

I gave him a footjob with this lube last weekend. Similar to the handjob, I normally require multiple lube applications. This time, we only needed 1 application! We covered my toes and his dick and off I went jacking him off with a combination of jerking him off in between the arches of my foot or scrunching my toes around him and moving my feet along his dick. I loved being able to concentrate just on him, not the amount of lube we were using.

The Sex (for Him)
The boyfriend likes this lube because it keeps us both focused on the moment. He masturbates once or twice a day while I'm at work and almost always uses lube (another major reason we go through a lot!). This lube has been used quite a bit in the week we've had it with almost all of it ending up on his dick. When he applies lube he does maybe half a pump onto his palm while jacking off his dick. This requires several pumps while masturbating, but he doesn't seem to mind -- actually he does it to make the whole experience last longer. 

Beautiful boyfriend dick.

I gave him a prostate massage with this lube a couple of nights ago. This was done with my finger, so I wore a glove to help with cleanup and further protection against my fingernails. With other lubes, I start with 2 pumps to generously cover my finger(s) and the exterior of his anus. With the Maximus lube, I was able to just do 1 pump and that was enough to cover everything and leave him feeling slick and comfortable for sliding my finger in. It also kept him sufficiently lubed for the entire massage so we didn't need to worry about reapplication.

The Judgement
Overall, we give Maximus a 3/5. We are so excited to find a water-based lube that lasts this long and doesn't have any tacky/sticky feeling. The first time we used it he asked, "Are you sure it's water-based?" Yes, I checked the ingredients! We love this lube. There are two things we didn't like about it. First, the clean-up. The oily feel made washing hands take a bit longer than other lubes. Also, I let some dry on me for about a half hour (ok, I fell into a sex coma) and when I woke up, it was completely dry. It didn't flake off like I expected, but rubbed off into little sticky balls. It was very odd and I had to use water and wipe or scrub it off. Second, because it has parabens, I won't suck his dick with any of this lube on it, even hours later. With paraben-free lubes I will do that gladly but this one with the weird way it dries and the ingredients, it's not an option. And I really like to have that option.

It's a great lube and I think it's one we'll be purchasing Maximus in the future due to its great qualities for hand and foot jobs.

Tmi Tuesday: Good Ol' Summertime

1. Summer is a time to escape, kick back, and chill. What is your favourite way to relax when the warm weather hits?

Assuming its not too hot, I'd like to take a nap with the windows open and summer breeze blowing across me. If it is warmer, then I love to be in the water - a nice body of water like the ocean or a giant lake like Lake Michigan. Swimming or kayaking are my favorite ways to enjoy the water.

2. Have you ever been to a drive-in movie theatre? What is your best memory of these classic outdoor theatres? 

I was once when I was pretty young, like 8 I think. There is one locally and it's always a double feature; I just haven't been there yet.

3. Have you ever had a summer fling? How did it develop and why did it end?

Nope, that's not really my style.

4. Board shorts and bikinis leave something to the imagination, but have you ever tried a nude beach?

Board shorts might leave something to the imagination, but do bikinis? They don't for me... that's kind of their appeal, right? I don't need to imagine very much with a bikini. Maybe that's because I'm a woman and I have the same parts? No, I don't think so.

But to really answer your question, no I haven't yet tried a nude beach. It's on my "list" to do one day.  I've done a topless beach, but I myself wasn't topless as I wandered onto it by mistake. I did enjoy it.

5. What are your toughts on the Speedo and the Wicked Weasel?

Speedo and Wicked Weasel in bikini and mesh-one piece

I love speedos! I think they should be worn more often. Its a shame that in the US they are so stigmatized outside of swim teams.  I think part of this acceptance is that my dad used to wear one until the late 90's when, for whatever reason he switched to swim trunks. So for me, it's partly normal. But I don't see that its such a big deal, either.

I've never heard of the "wicked weasel" until this question. From what I see, the wicked weasel is pretty cute. I'm not for a mesh bathing suit (why bother?) but I like the once-piece cut. But then again, I like my ass...

6.  The warm weather is a great opportunity to "get busy" outdoors. Have you ever? Tell us about it.

Nope, I haven't. In college I once tried giving a handjob outdoors in the woods during hiking, but the ground was so uncomfortable with just a jacket as a "blanket" that it never resulted in anything pleasant.

7. Sunrise or sunset? 

Sunset! But really that's because I can never wake up in time for the sunrise. Maybe if it were in a place where the sun rises at 9am I could get up for that. So, sunset is really by default. I do love the way dusk looks over a nice body of water.

8. What is the one summer delight that really quenches your thirst? How about your lust?

My thirst - snocones! Oh goodness I cannot get too much ice in my life, but the snocone is the best thing in the world! A snow-cone machine is on my amazon.com gift list, hopefully for my birthday!

My lust? I'm not sure anything could quench my lust for the boyfriend!

Bonus: Summer is the time to participate in outdoor activities. Where would you most like to have sex: on the beach, at a picnic, or camping?

THE BEACH!  Hands down. A private beach with wonderful water that's cool but not too cold and hot sand that's not too hot. Perfection!

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!