Monday, April 30, 2012

The appreciation factor

There's something about having sex with a partner who appreciates not just your mind or your personality, but your body. That full appreciation for how you turn him on, what he finds sexy, and how he wants not just to fuck you, but to FUCK YOU, your whole body.

I've come to appreciate just how delicious it is to have hands wander not for a sweet caress, but to wander because there is a lust for every part of me, and he can't decide which one he needs in his grasp that moment. That lust for my thighs were he grabs at them, but they're too big to get a hand around them, so he grabs and grabs at them, gasping at the flesh under him. My muscular and slightly fleshy thighs.

He grabs at the top and the sides while he's on top, gripping as much as he can but he can't get a good grip. That never stops him from trying more. He moans into my chest as he grabs at them. His grip is strong, hard, and almost hurts. But not quite. Sometimes he rakes his fingers like a deep scratch without scratching me. I can feel his strength through his hands.

Or if he's kneeling fucking me hard, he grabs my inner thighs while my legs are spread. This is my fleshiest part, but he loves how tender they are. He grips gently, never hurting me.

Then my butt. My fleshy ass. This he can grip one cheek at a time, to hold however he likes. Normally he just pulls one sideways, his hand under me as he is on top of me. Sometimes he grips both cheeks while his head rests on my breasts. Sometimes, he grabs at them like he wants to tear off a chunk and devour it.

Sometimes he bites my ass when we're not even having sex.

My feet. He loves my feet. Recently he just wants to sniff them when we have sex, and he doesn't care that I last showered yesterday morning - they are too sexy to be denied. For him, my feet are heaven and the smell and feel goes straight to his dick.

My vagina.  Nothing tells me he loves my body more than when he sighs and moans and gasps when his dick first enters my vagina. "Ohhhh!" and the air is cut off in his throat. "Oh I love your pussy... oh fuck! Its amazing...." and then sometimes, "Oh fuuuuck baby you have the best pussy in the world...." and the look on his face of absolute wonder and delight of my very wet and warm vagina.

Then there is the smell and taste of me - you've read about how he loves to smell me (here and here). He loves the taste of me, too. Its delicious, he can't get enough of either.

He calls me beautiful. Beautiful, no matter what time of day or what I'm wearing. Beautiful because I am his, and he loves all of me. Literally.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Sometimes we masturbate together

Note: This masturbation takes place around 11pm, after a delicious round of 69 around 7p where I came four or five times and he came in me while I choked on his dick. I tweeted the details as I sometimes do... its the danger and delight of following me on twitter.

So I told you earlier today that I don't masturbate very often. But sometimes, its exactly what we want. Tonight was no exception - we were tired, and had satisfied each other from our oral sex and fucking earlier. Tonight, I wanted myself.

Normally, we lay down together, and I place my leg over his as we both spread wide. Our faces are about a foot apart, and we are looking at each other. My fingers are in my pussy, as I am turned on my eyes close briefly, I bite my lip. He does the same.

His hand starts moving on his limp dick, I watch it grow harder. My finger is moving on my clit, turning it in small circles, just like I like. My speed is slow, my touch is somewhat light. Every once in a while I open my eyes and watch his face. His eyes are closed, he's biting his lip. His dick is hard now in his hand as he jerks it off without lube. I love it when he goes raw.

I close my eyes, focus on the pleasure in my clit. He sucked on it so much earlier, its very sensitive. I have to be gentle. I can tell this is going to be a long, slow build for me. I focus on my pleasure, think about how he sucked on me, licked my pussy as I came on his tongue. I can hear his rhythmic jerking, I look at him and he's watching me again.

As I close my eyes, he asks me why I'm so quiet. I ask him what he means... he says I'm not being loud enough, he needs my moans to help him cum. Inside, I'm very pleased that my moans are a part of his masturbation and the build to his pleasure. I grin, and tell him that I probably need my bullet vibe... he tells me to grab it, he wants to listen to me cum.

Its on my nightstand, where I always have it within reach. I push it into my vagina and turn it on its lowest setting. I instantly moan and bit my lip. His eyes are now wide open, watching me. I tell him what I'm doing with it.

I tell him I want to have one bullet in me, the other on my clit. I want him to do this to me someday. He nods, and his hands continue jerking off his very hard dick. My eyes shut, focusing on this pleasure in my vagina, but my clit is begging for attention. No, not yet. I won't give in yet. I turn the vibration up higher, and it makes me ache for clit stimulation.

I pull the bullet out slowly and it feels like it is suddenly 5x longer than normal. I'm moaning - its so slow and as I pull it out it slowly slides up toward my clit.

I'm too sensitive for direct vibration. I place the tip of the bullet on the highest part of my clit - highest by going up toward my belly button right where my large pussy lips start. I put my vibe to the lowest setting, and its rumbley against me. The rumbles travel down my clit, I can feel it everywhere and in the parts of my clit inside of me. It's very intense. I am moaning. I can feel my orgasm building quickly.

I turn off the vibe, and wait for my body to relax. My hips relax, and I turn it back on. I don't know if he is watching me anymore, its too intense to open my eyes or even think of it. All that exists is this intense pleasure in the blackness of my mind. My legs are tense, my pelvis is up in the air, my ass is barely touching the sheets; I'm making high, whiny moans, almost like I'm crying for release from this torturous endurance.

I turn off the vibe again. Too close. I'm not ready to cum. I don't even hear the boyfriend jerking anymore... I'm lost in myself. Again I relax. I wait. I can feel my build receding and I turn it back on the lowest setting. My moans overtake me again and even I am surprised at how loud I am now.

I hear him cum, hear his groans of pleasure and how his hand slows as he watches the cum pour from his cock. I can't open my eyes, but I am imagining his cum, his hand slowing, his stiff cock in his hands. He is watching me, I'm sure. He sees how extreme my pleasure is, and the vibe is barely on.

I feel my orgasm building faster, and I consider letting it go. NO something inside me says. Let it build more... I turn it off. I whimper... he turns over toward me, he reaches out a hand and lightly runs it up and down my body. He runs it around my thighs, my breasts, my pussy. It tweaks a nipple and brushes my lips. I turn the vibe back on. My moans take no time in regaining their volume. I can barely hear him when he calls me "his beautiful" as I know I can no longer hold off my orgasm.

I can feel it building. His hands are still tracing around my body. I think about maybe getting myself off with multiple orgasms this time - I'm barely using the vibe... the thought is fleeting as the pleasure completely overtakes any thought from me. I have no idea if he kept touching me or not... I remember feeling it coming, inevitable.

Then it was here, and I'm surprised by the intensity. I almost sit up, my legs slam shut, pinning the bullet between my legs fully on my clit. I feel the control pulled from my fingers but that thought doesn't register as I'm trying to scream but no sound is heard from me... I try and try and finally I get some noise out. Its barely audible. And then he switches the vibe from very low to midway and my clit feels like its almost on fire with pleasure. And now I'm screaming loudly, no shrieking loudly, as I sit all the way up and tug it from between my legs.

I toss it aside, and my screaming turns to loud moans and my body lays down, trembling. My legs are still shut tight, I can't pull them apart... I can feel my clit being squeezed between them. It sends more tremblings and moans up and down my body. "Aftershocks" of the orgasm. He watches me go through them and teases me, asking me if it was really that good, as if he doesn't believe me.

After several very long minutes of trembling, I manage to open my eyes, uncross my legs, and turn off the light. I don't remember falling asleep.

Formspring Friday: Masturbation

Q. How often do you masturbate?
I don't masturbate very often but this wasn't always the case. When I first discovered my clitoris and how much fun it was to play with (I think I was 12) I masturbated every day until I got to college at 17... I slept in the top bunk and any masturbation was audible from the creaking of the bunk bed, so I only got the option when she wasn't in the room. That's not so easy when your roommate sleeps 16 hours a day and flunks out due to sheer laziness. (Once I had my own room my senior year it was, of course, much easier and pursued much more often... aided with phone sex and porn and erotica.) But really, once I had a boyfriend it was easier to get my horny needs appeased through whatever physical activity we could manage at a college where dorms were same-sex only.

Fast forward to now, where my sex life is incredibly active, and I just don't masturbate very often. It's not that I don't enjoy it - I do. I love to touch myself. I love to play with my clit. My favorite method of masturbation is to use just my right hand, my right middle finger especially. Its the best and most reliable way to 'get off.'

But if I have a choice of playing with myself or having my boyfriend's touch? I choose his touch. I cum better and harder than I do on my own. That's mostly because I can't tease myself like he does. He loves to torture my clit if he's paying special attention to it via oral or a hand job. If we're using my bullet vibe (my favorite way to clit orgasm) and he controls the vibration control and makes it last, and prolong beyond what I would ever do to myself. There are still times when I want nothing more than to just play with myself and just my fingers. Nothing feels like your skin on you, controlling you.

When I masturbate, I fantasize. Touching myself alone does not work. I have to imagine something happening to me. I have a few favorite scenarios that I will play and vary in my head. If I can't concentrate on them, then I can't and won't cum. I need that fantasy in my mind or I can touch myself forever and not get off.

The boyfriend is a different answer. I am usually at work when we wakes up, and he normally wakes up horny, so he masturbates a several days a week. He masturbates on my side of the bed, or in front of his computer. Normally with his computer he'll watch some form of porn - gay and shemale are his favorite. Sometimes he tells me about it, sometimes he doesn't. I almost always assume he's masturbated during the day.... I like it when he waits for me, but I'm never upset if he doesn't.

And now, after thinking about this, I'm going to go play with myself...

 Want to ask me a question? Just head to and ask anything you want. Really. Anything. Try me. I'll answer the following Friday.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Rule, revisited

One of my first blog posts was about The Rule and why it was important for us. We had agreed that we had to be together for at least a year before we would talk "next steps" aka engagement, marriage, family, etc.

Well, as stated in that post, and this one and this one, rule-breaking is somewhat common, especially during passionate sex or the day of his long-awaited divorce. Lately its being broken outside of the bedroom as well - and he's not the only one who does it. His nephew and his brother do it all the time, too.

One of the reasons he loves to break the rule is my reaction. I can't help myself - I blush profusely, I get the widest smile that won't go away, and I can't hide my sheer delight and happiness at the idea of it all. Deep down, its what I want and I want to get there with him.

So why have the rule? Well, for several reasons. First, even though we moved in kind of fast together, we didn't want to rush into "forever" too quickly. We've both made that assumption about a relationship in the past. We wanted at least of year of seeing ups, downs, daily life, and everything else that shows a person's true colors. Another reason for the rule is that it would keep us grounded in the here and now and not looking for that future. An obvious reason - his divorce was in progress and we had no idea how long it was going to drag on for - so why even think about that? And finally, why are we rushing in the first place to make things official?

We both agreed when we started this relationship we were in it to see if it was "it" for both of us. I don't do casual or "let's see where this goes." I'm here to see if its real, and if its not or it doesn't work then I'm moving on. Neither of us wants to waste the other's time. But that doesn't mean that we don't want to move forward. We both have a goal - for us marriage is the goal and next step.

So the rule - he's free, we're in love, and we're set on a future together. We've not made it to the one year yet (that happens in June) - but is the date so important? Let's think about the life events we've experienced:

  • We've survived multiple 10-17 hour driving trips together without killing each other - or really even arguing beyond a few heated words now and then.
  • We've shared our favorite movies and music and been able to tolerate, appreciate, and grow to like our new music. He likes Michael Jackson, Lil Wayne, and Guns N Roses while I like Train, Pink Martini, and Ella Fitzgerald.
  • We've both experienced an intense illness (the norovirus, no less) back to back and took care of each other despite not feeling well ourselves.
  • We've been able to cry, vent, and complain about anything and everything in life. When I cry he holds me and when he cries I hold him. 
  • We can be honest about our feelings and wants and the other will take it sincerely and to heart.
  • Above all of the busy part of our lives and the stress that comes with it, we always make time for each other. Every day. It doesn't matter what the day has held, we always reserve some "us-time" that allows at least 30 minutes time spent exclusively with the other. And no, this time does not include sex of any kind. It's cuddling on the couch, playing a game, sitting and talking.
I like to think we're very healthy and when I look down the road, I see us there together. What does the timing of that road look like? That's where we're on a different page. When his divorce was final, he said he didn't want to get married for "a while." When I pushed for a time on that, he said "several years." Yikes. I was thinking more like two, max.

On the other hand, he's so ready for commitment he's ready to start a family and, when my period was 24 hours late last week, he was just a little bit hopeful it would never come. Ever since that he's brought up how much he wants to have a baby with me and start our family... my reaction to this is always in 2 parts. First, I'm terrified because I'm NOT ready for that yet. Second, that is one of the sexiest things that's ever been said to me.

I've told him I'm not ready. It's nice that he is, but there's no way I'm going to even entertain that idea at this time. My first objection (aside from my mental/emotional unpreparedness) is that we are not married yet. Until there are rings on both of our hands, I won't even consider timing.

I told him that last night, by grabbing his ring finger and telling him that it was missing the ring that would let me think about baby-making. He responded by saying, "Well, let me go find one..." and of course I reacted with my blush/smile and fervent, "NO!"  It didn't help that a few minutes later I told him that I had actually looked at some rings and bookmarked some ones I liked.... you know, I like to be prepared.

Of course this brought on a whole round of me being naughty and a complete hypocrite about this whole "rule" business, especially since I'd looked at rings oh, 6 months ago.

So where does that leave us? Waiting. I'm not really in a rush to get engaged. Maybe sometime later this year or early next would be fine with me. I never wanted my first wedding (I was talked into it, almost blackmailed into it). Even when my marriage was good I hated the fact I'd had one against my will... but this time around? I can't wait to have one. I can't wait to do the whole dress and flowers and reception... OK, back to reality.

I don't think the rule exists anymore. I'll still give him crap for calling me Mrs ________ or his wife, because I'm NOT her... although one day I believe I will be.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

TMI Tuesday: I'm too kinky for this topic

So this is my 2nd TMI Tuesday try - and when I first read the questions, I felt that I was too kinky for this topic. If you've been reading my blog or tweets for any length of time, you'll know this about me. But enjoy...
1. What is your sexual personality?
a. The Controller – initiating sex, twisting your lover into positions you want, and driving scene play by play
b. Sex Slave - You love to be used and at the mercy of your lover. You don't initiate but follow and do as you are told.  You love to be used.
c. Daredevil - Sexual adventure and sexual thrills are what you are all about. You get off on the risk factor.
d. Subdued - Sex is a necessary part of the relationship so you are available when needed.
I would say I'm little bits a, b, and c. A lot of the time he is in control putting me in whatever position he wants me and I'm completely a b, telling him to use me and fuck me however he wants. Sometimes my instructions are to make me his fuck toy, his personal slut. I'll say, "Fuck the shit out of me and don't even think about pleasing me. Use me like a toy and toss me aside." Its so hot when he fucks me that way. I love to be used.

But then I love to fuck... on top riding him or pegging him. Or I like to decide how to pleasure him. I choose the toys, the positions, the timing. I like to control him then.

And sometimes I like to try something new, I experiment and see how far things can go. I'm a little bit daredevil.

I guess I'm basically a switch.

2. How many times have you sneaked away from party guests to have sex in another part of the party venue. Where did you sneak to? Were you ever caught? For example, at a wedding reception you sneaked to have sex in the coat room. At a party, you sneaked to have sex in a bathroom or closet.
 Actually, never. The BF and I aren't big social people where we'd go to a huge party that's large enough for us to be missed. I can only think of it happening during a work function or a wedding, and most of our friends get married in smaller weddings where we'd definitely be noticed. That being said, I'd love to do that.
3. Your sex partner that you are mad crazy for has requested you do one of the following, which one would you grant consent to do:
a. Bondage/light restraint with your hands and legs tied while having sex
b. A sexual spanking that leaves light marks
c. Record the two of you having sex
d. Having sex in a mirrored room where you can see yourselves having sex from every angle
Umm -- all of the above!!! We already do A and B on a semi-regular basis... actually its been a long time since we've tied each other up/used handcuffs and that's because we dislike the flimsyness of our handcuffs and need to invest in some quality restraints. But B I give to him and yes he is bruised for several days. Recording ourselves? Haven't recorded us together -- but as you have probably heard in this post, I have no problems posting my masturbation orgasm for you. Maybe one day you'll be lucky to hear us together... 

And sex in a fully mirrored room? Yes please.

4. Do you act out your sexual fantasies (select one)? Why?
a. I act out all of my fantasies.
b. I act out many of my fantasies.
c. I act out some of my fantasies.
d. I act out very few of my fantasies.
e. I don't act out any of my fantasies.
f. I don't have any fantasies.
Ummm.. this one perplexes me. When I masturbate alone I have only a couple of fantasies that are super good and have kept me going for years. Those I have never acted out but I do want to some day. Maybe. We'll see.

Now if you mean the fantasies I think about at work, driving, sitting next to my BF.... yes, I'd say we act those out. Not nearly often enough - but there are only so many hours and times you can have sex in a day and still be a productive adult.
5. How important is sex in your life (select one)?
a. I could hardly survive without it.
b. It is very important.
c. It is somewhat important.
d. I could live without it.
e. If it were up to me, sex wouldn't even exist!
B. Definitely B. Sex is not the end all, be all of our relationship. I lived for years without it, but yes it is very important to me. I'm very sexually active and I like having sex an average of 6 days a week... several of those days containing 2-4 times. I don't ever want that to stop or go away now that I have it.

Bonus: Finish the following phrase.
Sex is an amazing part of life and together we're really exploring just how wonderful it can become. Enjoy the journey with us!

Want to join in TMI Tuesday? Just head to TMITuesday each week to find the topic and see who else is playing. Or search #tmituesday on twitter.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

And then a sweet ending of the night

Note: This is part 3 of a 3 part series of one night of sex together. Read parts one and two to find out the start of the story.

He moved between my legs, and slid his cock into me. It was rock hard, harder than it had been during the BJ I'd given him earlier.  My pussy is very warm with my cum, and his face reflects the pleasure of my pussy surrounding him. He feels huge in me, bigger than normal. I ask why, and all he does is kiss my lips. We look into each other's eyes and share the look. Its intense, and my emotions are still running high.

He fucks me slowly, his hands cradling my head as he often does. He calls me his beautiful. His hands wander down to my ass and thighs and he calls me beautiful. All I can do is smile, and hold myself to him. I feel years of pain healing in me. Balm of love spread over my pain. I kiss his neck and shoulder and then he kisses mine. He traces light soft kisses on my nipples and over my breasts. I run my fingers through his hair, watching him trace his love on me.

But his penis is filling me up, almost too much. I was a little sore from the very hard fuck he gave me that morning and the other one right when I was home from work. My pussy was sore and his rock hard dick was hurting and pleasing me at the same time. I lifted my legs back to let him in me more, holding my ankles in the air for him. He grinned as he saw my feet up in the air above his shoulders.

It was slow and sweet and all it took was some fast thrusting for me to cum again on him. He held onto my hips as I came shuddering.

He surprised me, and pulled out, climbing down and eating my pussy once again. Fingers in me, fingers on my clit, tongue on my clit, tongue wandering around me. I was calling his name and telling him I loved him over and over. I jerked his dick while I could think about it as he ate me out... he smelled me more and more. Then I would realize I had stopped for however long from the pleasure he was giving me. I came very hard again and he ended with a strong suck on my clit.

I laid still, my moans still coming for a few minutes after he finished me. I felt good everywhere.

I turned to look at him. He was laying on his back, hard straight dick waiting for me. He wanted to be jacked off, would I please do it? Of course... I wanted to do nothing more.

I grabbed the bottle of lube and laid my head on his chest, kissing him as I jacked him off. His dick was so hard and big I kept losing my grip - my fingers wouldn't fit all the way around the base like they normally do! I jacked him off then sat up and began working him with two hands. I massaged pumped his dick. I put pressure on his head as I massaged it, never removing my hand while the other jacked off the base. Then I used both hands to twist on his dick in opposite directions.

It was so hard my fingers started to hurt from squeezing him, but he wanted nothing more than a tight grip tonight. His eyes were shut so tight and his whole body was tensed. His pecs were defined, his arms tense. I looked at his legs and his calf muscles were evident from flexed legs. His pelvis was so far up he was hardly touching the bed with his butt.

And I jacked him off, told him I loved him, I loved his dick. I loved how hard it got for me. He was barely making any noise. His breathing cut in and out he got closer to orgasm, and then I would pull away, prolonging his pleasure, making it last. I played and played with him and his body stayed tense.

I jacked him off by moving my hands in half circles in opposite directions while slightly moving up and down his long cock. Squeezed him hard and moved fast, jacking off his dick as hard as I could.

He came with a long, low, almost-growl. His pelvis shifted up and he did a half sit-up to watch his dick in orgasm. More cum than I expected spilled from his cock and drizzled down my fingers.

I washed the lube from my hands, and he held me as we drifted to sleep.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Then I cried when he ate me out

Note: This is part 2 of a 3 part series on one evening of sex. Read part 1 here

 I laid back, waiting for him to make his move. Had I changed his mind?

Yes, I had. He laid down in between my legs to see my freshly shaved pussy. He laid sideways so one of my legs was over his body. I opened my legs far for him, and one touch of his finger to my clit, so light, so gentle, had my eyes closed tight. He slowly slid his tongue over my clit and I moaned loudly. He teased me lightly, fingers from both hands wandering around my pussy.

I moaned and cried out, he flicked his tongue across me rapidly. It was like heaven touching me. My whole world became my clit, my pussy, my vagina. A finger in me, gentle, barely there, tantalizing me as his tongue wandered up, down, and circled my clitoris. His tongue wandered down me, to the spot just below my clit.

As he teased me, he would stop his tongue and not move it, just let it sit on me. My body would tremble, and I begged him to move against me. He would sometimes remove his tongue altogether and yawn, I could feel his whole body fill with air. But he didn't act tired as he played with me, he continued loving my clit. His finger wandered further into me, fucking me gently as he sucked at my clit. His wet mouth felt amazing on me.

Then another yawn. But this time, I heard something different. He wasn't exhaling air. He was inhaling.

"Are you smelling my pussy?" I ask, bewildered.

"Mmhmm," he tells me. He inhales again, and I feel his fingers pulling my lips wider apart.  I am awed. he goes back to licking my pussy, and I feel a wave of emotions hitting me. My eyes prick with tears. I am overcome. He is eating me more intensely, and I'm moaning in high pitched almost squeals of pleasure.

He smells me again, and eats, and smells more. Now that he knows I'm aware of what he's doing, he's smelling me more, nose practically touching me as he fills himself with my scent.

I am overwhelmed. I start to cry a little as he eats and sucks at my clit. I'm almost to orgasm and I'm feeling the most wonderful, compelling joy I've ever experienced. He sniffs and smells me, he inhales as deeply as he can. Finally, I start to cum and it feels good but I'm distracted by my emotions of the moment. As I'm cumming his finger takes over my clit, but I push his wrist away. I can't take it. He stops and sits up, confused.

He looks at my face and asks what's going on. I look at him, and the reality of my experience takes over. I look at him with blurry eyes, I try to tell him, to find words. But I can't. Tears start to fall down my face and he puts a hand on my face and asks me gently what's up.

I try to verbalize the whirlwind I'm in, "I'm.... I'm... just..." and then I'm in full tears, crying. "I'm so happy!" with a sob I roll to my side and curl up into a little ball. He immediately surrounds me, holding me to him. He's cradling me against him and I'm wrapped around him. I'm sobbing into him. He's letting me cry. He's not sure what to say.

"You just... you just don't know what it feels like!" I cry. "To go from being told you're so dirty and gross to be loved like this..." I can't describe what I'm feeling. All I can do is just cry into him. "I never imagined that someone could ever love my body like this."

He holds me, and chuckles, "Honey, I love you. You are so beautiful, so sexy, I love every part of you. He was a moron you smell so good baby." He holds me tight to him.

I calm down and he kisses my cheek wet from tears. He makes sure I look into his eyes and he asks if he can continue making me cum, he's not done yet. I bashfully nod my approval.

He kisses my stomach as he crawls down in between my legs again. He smells me more, pulling my lips wide. He licks and sucks at me more and more. I'm in emotional ecstasy, and he makes a show of smelling me as much as he can. Big, deep breaths. He makes me cum twice more.

I feel vulnerable, close. He moves up to kiss him and I taste sweet on his mouth. But then he shows me his very hard dick, and he tells him he needs to fuck me, the smell of my pussy has made him rock hard...

to be continued.

Friday, April 20, 2012

I gave the roughest blow job...

Note, this is part 1 of a 3 part series of one night of sex together.

Yesterday I realized it had been a few days, maybe a week since I gave the BF a blow job. Last weekend I had sucked him off in between riding his cock or him fucking me (I do love to taste myself). But I do enjoy sucking cock, so I texted him from work suggesting I suck him tonight if he'd eat me out.

Fast forward to 11pm or so, we are laying naked together, me on his chest. I'm rubbing his cock lightly with my fingers. It grows hard under my touch. I remind him of our deal, and he looks at me, complaining that he's too tried to keep his end of the deal. I tell him I bet I can change his mind. He's not sure, but I keep stroking him. He's hard, but I'm teasing him, not jacking him off.

He complains that I'm teasing him. The more he complains, the longer I make him wait for my mouth. His eyes are closed, his arm is curled around my head, holding me to his chest. I have one leg wrapped over his leg while my hand teases and tickles his cock. Finally, I get up to crawl in between his legs. I pull his cock into my mouth, and slide down onto it. I swipe my tongue around and around the back of his cock, and do slow movements up to his head and back down, as far as I can go. He gasps when I push him as far in as I can take it, almost choking on it.

I tease his head with my mouth, flicking my tongue over his hole. I suck on it, hard and release him with a hard suck. Then I force my mouth back down deep onto his dick. He moans as I cover him in my spit. Up and down I suck on his cock. I hold him deep in my throat, then flick my tongue up and down his cock making him moan and call to me softly.

I repeat my teasing of his head, this time swirling my mouth around it, covering as much as possible in my circular strokes. I suck hard, then swirl, the suck, swirl, and end with as much suction as I can give him. Then I choke on his dick, gagging myself on its length as I try to swallow as much as I can. His hands move to my arms, then one on my head, just resting. He rests it on me as I bob it up and down on his cock. Its too big to use my lips as a teeth shield, so my mouth is open as wide as I can make it.

I can feel his hips lifting up to me as I suck him off, drooling down his cock. His hand is holding my head but applying no pressure - I am hitting it just right. I'm sucking away happily, in my own blissful world. Then, he says, "More teeth."

I stop dead. "More?" I can't believe my ears.

"Yes, more teeth."

My mind has just gone 0-100 in about 1.2 seconds. I have never, ever been asked for teeth... I've made the mistake of scraping teeth (my mouth is only so big!)... but asked to add teeth? Wow... ok....

I close my jaw a bit, and I'm sliding my teeth up and down his cock. Its layers of lip-teeth-tongue-teeth-lip as I slide up and down him. I'm being careful to measure my pressure, I don't want to hurt him. Not even 30 seconds pass and I hear, "More! More teeth!" I freeze, mouth full of dick.

"Mmmmm?" I ask, not believing my ears yet again.

"Yes!" he breathes heavily.

I bite down on it, and I am now fully scraping his dick with my teeth, bruising him, I'm sure. I go slowly, but he he is happy. So I keep my bite on him, I can't go fast as I'm biting him and forcing his dick up and down in between my teeth. He is moaning so loudly. I trust what I'm hearing and it is only a few minutes until he cums. I keep him clamped between my teeth and I feel his dick spasming against my teeth. I let go, and removed my mouth as he trembled at every movement I made.

I lay down next to him and wait my turn...

to be continued...

Formspring Friday: Age limits in attraction

Q. When it comes to romantic involvement or sexual attraction/activity, do you have an upper or lower age limit?
Yes, I definitely do. I prefer an age range very close to my own. Younger I would only go a couple of years. Older I'd be OK up to 5. Any more than that and I feel that we're too far apart and your viewpoints in life. I've been in three "relationships" and my first two were with men who were about 2 years older than me. My BF is a year younger than me.

Age is generally a number to me. I've always been more mature than my age and ahead of my peers in life, so going younger was never an option before the BF. I've never wanted to go up too far in age. It seemed weird or uncomfortable. If you look like you could be the older sibling of my partner, I start to distance. It's just not for me.

Now, that is all addressed toward a relationship. If you're talking just romantic involvement, like a potential future girlfriend for me, then the age limits increase in both directions by a few years.

I posed the same question to my BF, and his answer was exactly what I expected. He said as long as they're 18 and legal or younger than 60, that's all that matters to him. His range of sexual attraction is quite wide and varied.

Q. Other than on the lips, what is your favorite place to be kissed?
For me, my second favorite place to be kissed is on the side of my neck. Or the bottom of my feet. Both places turn me on very much with very little touch. Both are very intimate touches. My neck can be kissed during a hug or during sex... my feet are normally kissed while we are cuddling on the couch or in bed or having sex.

My BF's answer is, simply, "on my penis." Yeah, I could have predicted that.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Am I a demisexual?

So I was browsing the forums on Eden Fantasys and came across a poll on how you would label yourself if you had to. The options were ones that I was mostly familiar with (I never claimed to be an expert!). Aside from hetero/gay/lesbian/bi there were options of pan/omni/asexual/other and then ones I wasn't sure belonged such as trans/intersexed and one I'm not sure where it goes - bi-curious. (You can see the current results and forum discussion here.)

Anyway, midway through the comments I saw a post about someone who identified themselves as a demisexual. I've never heard of this term, and neither had a lot of the discussion board members.  Finally, someone submitted the authoritative definition from Urban Dictionary:

Demisexuals are characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any person unless they become deeply emotionally or romantically connected with a specific person or persons. The level of connection it takes for sexual desire to form is dependent on how close the relationship is rather than initial attraction. It is an orientation that is not chosen. 

Hmm. Now that rings some bells for me. I've said for years that personality beats physical attraction hands down for me, but I'm not so sure that's specifically what this definition means. Its really about how you're not attracted until there is some connection between you and the other person. 

I really identify with this. I have a very hard time being sexually attracted through imagery alone. It just doesn't work for me. I also can't be attracted to you if I think you're an asshole. I'm only ever attracted to someone with whom I've interacted and I like personality wise.  I can't get past that, I won't even look at you 'that way' until you've won me over emotionally. I have to be your friend first.

But then I think back on history... I've had crushes on guys without knowing them, or have locked eyes and felt that drop in your stomach when you've looked too long or too directly. That thrill of a look lingering, or a joke being exchanged when others don't notice. Another reason my ex and I didn't work out is that I just wasn't attracted to him - at all, in any way. 

But then I've found girls to be appealing too, and I've never had a sexual-type relationship bond with a woman, but I sure do find them attractive. But then, am I finding them attractive or just their body parts?  And what about men?

When I look at a clothed man, I look at his hands, body type, face. A naked man, I look at penis, shoulders, and body type. I'll also look at his ass if its in view. When I look at a clothed woman, I look at her face, hair, body type, and breasts. A naked woman I look at her pussy, breasts, nipples, legs, then face.  

Basically, I objectify you if you're naked, but if you're clothed I look at all of you. But isn't that the way most of us use porn or porn-type images? I look at the picture for sexual excitement, not to see who you are. 

So back to real life. Let's talk about my boyfriend. Way, way back before we were flirting I looked him up online (I can online stalk pretty well... so watch yourselves!) and, while I don't remember what picture he had up on facebook, I remember not thinking anything about it. It could be because most of his face was probably hidden so I couldn't see much. Fast forward after we've been flirting for a few months - yeah, I found him attractive. Really attractive.

Fast forward to us getting to the point talking about our sexual orientations, what we liked in bed, and daaaaamn my pussy was on fire for him. When we started having phone sex I was cumming so hard and good - better than I've ever cum with my fingers before. And when we started skype sexing? Wow oh wow. My first multiple orgasms. And then sex? Read about our first night of sex here and here (you know if its a 2-parter its got a LOT of detail...).

So has physical attraction upped the pleasure factor for me? Without a doubt, it has. Can I feel attraction for someone without that personal attraction? I don't think so - not attraction that would lead to any real world experiences. I can't fantasize about someone who I don't know personally - its impossible. I can't picture anything sexual with someone unless I have some mental affection for them.

BF's ass after a few min after spanking. I find it so sexy.

So am I demisexual? Maybe. Does it really matter? No, not really. But its interesting to think about. Where are you at?

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

He held my feet to his face

Morning is one of the best times to have sex... everything is waking up in your body with the best sensations you can feel. Its the best way to say good morning to your lover.

This morning we woke up with a hand gentle on my back and "Mmmm.... morning love." I stirred. I had been awake off and on too early, and I didn't want to wake up yet. But then he kissed my cheek, and when my eyes peaked open he was right there, smiling at me. I cuddled into him a bit. I told him I was still so sleepy, and he let me rest. I started running my hands up and down his back, from the top of his butt, up to his sides, and then to shoulders and neck and down.  After a few passes he opened his eyes wide and said that if I didn't stop I was going to make him horny?

"Oh, as if you're not already?"

He paused. "Yeah, I am," he laughed. "Well, then you better get this dick hard if you want it."

I reached down and started playing with him. After a few seconds, he asked, "Well, are you ready for me? I bet you are." He reached down and I opened my legs for him. His finger touched my clit and I could feel it was slightly wet. Then he moved down to my vagina and I could feel my slick wetness as he started to finger me.

His dick was hard in my hands, I was giving it soft, light, teasing touches. "You're so wet for me already," he said. "Why is that? Hmm?"

"What do you think?" I played coy.

"I dunno, why are you so wet so early?"

"Oh... cause you always make me set. You know that."

"Oh I do, hmm?" And he starts playing with my clit again, making me moan and gasp. I let go of his cock, and relax. I'm enjoying the moment as he plays with me. He does for a few minutes, then he tells me he needs my hand on him.

I reach down, and continue to jack him off. He's gone a bit soft on me, so start toying and teasing him again. He rolls over on to me and starts to kiss my face.He slides his dick in and I feel it fill me up. We start to have a slow, nice fuck.

I tell him that I'm so tired I may not cum... He goes to stop, and I tell him not to. Just because I won't cum doesn't mean I want to stop. I tell him to enjoy me as he wants. He grins, and starts fucking for himself. Its not focused on making me cum and delaying his own, its on making it good for him. He starts fucking me faster, running his hands down my body and gripping at the outside of my thighs. "Your body is so sexy!" he tells me, and we kiss.

"You're so beautiful," he tells me. "Let me see your smile. I love your smile, its beautiful."

I smile a little, and he asks again. Now I'm really smiling, and he's gripping my hips. He shifts up on my pelvis, and his dick is hitting me in just the right spot. I tell him I'm going to cum, so he keeps going, and I cum. Hard. Grabbing at his back. He holds my hips down as I arch my back into him. He slows for a little, then fucks more with a vengeance. He calls me his good girl for cumming so good and hard on his dick. That's what good girls do.

He pushes up so his arms are straight and fucks into me. I adjust my hips up so he can get in deeper - which he does. He starts to get lost in the pleasure of my wetness surrounding his dick. He loves how wet I get for him, and when I cum its all warm and hot around his penis.

He sat up, pushing my legs back and wide. I told him to use his slut like he liked, I would always spread my legs wide for him. He watched his dick slide in and out. He fingered my clit and I came again on his dick while he fucked me.

After my legs stopped quivering he pulled my feet up to his face. He put both of my feet on his face, and smelled them. I told him to sniff them more, and he did. He wrapped his arms around my legs, pinning them together and straight up against him. He continued to sniff my feet and I moaned so loudly. He begged me to wiggle my toes, wiggle them against his face. I did, and he moaned into my feet, hands now holding them to his face. He kissed them, fucking me harder.

I was so turned on by the way he smelled and held my feet. They turned him on so much, and seeing him worship them like this made me feel so incredibly sexy. Suddenly I was coming again and with my feet on my face, I lifted my hips up, moving his dick with me. My toes were scrunched against his face and he thrusted into me deep as he came in me, kisses covering the bottom of my feet. He held my feet through his orgasm.

I held him on my chest as we relaxed and cuddled together.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I won a TMI Award

The TMI Blog Award honors those blogs that discuss everything in detail and do it well. These bloggers aren’t afraid to discuss their most awkward, embarrassing and intimate experiences with honesty, humor and little to no filter.

The rules are stated below.
*Thank the person who presented you with the award.
*Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.
*Share an awkward, embarrassing and intimate story in 250 words or less.
*Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.
*Present the TMI Blog Award to 5 – 10 deserving blogs.
*Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.

 A few weeks ago, Mia and Vincent from 'Tales from Under Our Covers" gave me a TMI blog award! It was very unexpected and quite a lovely surprise! I did thank them via twitter, but I've since neglected to acknowledge it via my blog and actually say that I DO love having this award... Thank you so much!

I'm so happy to have this blog, where I can share intimate details of my life. I'm always honest, I don't like to filter, and when I say that I meant it. (On a related note, if you want to see just how much detail I'll give, you can always ask me a Formspring question!)

So here's my awkward and embarrassing story:

I grew up in an ultra-conservative religious household. My parents never said "sex" or intimate body parts in front of us. I never got "the talk." Well, one day I was talking to someone and they commented that I was "anal-retentive." For those of you who haven't studied Freud, that means I'm obsessed with detail to an extreme point - aka, anal. I'd never heard the full term, and at our family dinner table I made the mistake of telling my parents I was "anal receptive." I didn't catch my error, but my dad sure did. His fork clattered to the plate with a loud "WHAT?" I'm pretty sure the pause that followed was followed by crickets as I replayed what just happened, heard my mistake, and quickly (but not quick enough) corrected myself. Oops.

My parents would probably die today if they knew I really was anal receptive!

As far as my nominees go... here they are. (I know I'm not supposed to award those who have already received the award, but I'm too short on time (read: lazy) to do that, so I'm giving it to those I'm not sure about...)

1. Shelby Cross, who I found on twitter and was so intrigued by her D/s relationship with her husband that I went to her blog and found it even more tantalizing. Her writing is creative and a fantastic read.

2. N of My Dissolute Life. Also found on twitter, but his writing is prolific and detailed and always a good read! I still owe him like an entire day to read his blog at some point.

3. A Couple of Wankers who are a really adorable bisexual couple who are about to tie the knot. Their blog is full of excellent toy and book reviews and some beautiful shot at home photography. I have a slight crush on Lucy...

4. Dru of Sexxcited who I've just recently discovered. She writes from South Africa and I find her writing refreshing and very interesting.

5. Tonya of T is for TMI. She has some excellent stories that you need to read, specifically this post and its sequel.

Monday, April 16, 2012

He sniffed my pussy while jacking off

I was laying on his chest, watching TV in the bedroom before bed. My hand was resting inches from my face, feeling his bare skin. Somewhere I drifted off to sleep, then when the sound changed I awoke and rolled over to pull off my glasses and collapse onto my pillow.

The BF quietly, teasingly admonished me for falling asleep... remember how I had talked about riding him in cowgirl and taking breaks to make him eat me out? Remember I was going to handcuff him so he was at my mercy and he would be forced to pleasure me as long as I wanted?

Oh I hadn't forgotten, but I was too tired... one of the few times I've ever been too tired to be interested in sex. I was half on my stomach, half side turned away from him. His hand grazed my butt and he gripped a cheek in his hand. I sighed contentedly. He mentioned the possibility of just jerking off to my ass. I responded by sticking it out toward him.

I could feel the head of his dick on my right butt cheek, feel his hand lightly bump into me as he started to jack himself off. I moaned my appreciation for him being willing to be content with masturbation than the sex we had planned. (That said, if he weren't so sweet, would I be OK with it? No, probably not.)

He moves so the head of his dick is pushing against the crack of my ass. It feels soft skin against skin, but I can feel the hardness beneath the cushion of his head. It moves gently across my body. I wiggle against him. He uses his free hand to run his fingers up and down my ass, gripping at the fleshy part where ass meets leg. It makes him moan and sigh with "Oh honey...." and "Oh baby...." over and over. This words are the sweetest best music to my ears. Its telling me in loves me in so many ways.

He shifts towards me so the head of his dick is now on my left ass cheek and I can feel his fingers moving under his dick, sliding across my body in swift motions. He tells me he can smell my pussy now that he's closer.  He's not using lube this time, and I tell him to cum on my ass and lick it off me like a good, dirty boy. I can tell by the throaty, growly moan that he likes this idea. A lot.

I feel warm skin on the back of my thighs, right below where my butt begins. I ask him what he's doing... I hear a throated whisper, "Your pussy smells so good!" He's sniffing at it between my legs. I know it smells like the sex we had earlier in the evening.... I came twice on him, and then after he came in me he fingered me while I played with my clit and came twice more.

He smells more, and sits up, playfully slapping my ass. I'm incredibly turned on that he smelled me like that. I push my ass up a bit, and his face sinks in between my legs. He moans into my crotch, sniffing more. His hand his jerking hard at  his rock hard dick. He's jacking off touching as much of my ass with his dick as he can.

"You like my smell?"

"Oh baby, I do... it smells so good!" He buries his face again.

I spread my legs slightly. "Taste it," I tell him.

He does, his tongue in a slow stroke reaches in and licks some of my wetness. He moans and smells me, filling his head with my scent. Our scent. He starts to cum and he doesn't remove his face, he keeps it on my legs buried at the base of my ass cheeks as he spills cum on to me.

And, as I instructed, he licks it off me, kisses me, and holds me as we drift to sleep.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

e-lust #35

Photo Courtesy of Vincent and Mia

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #36? Start with the newly updated rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ Top 3 ~

Strangers in a bar

Dealing with Abuse in Our Communities

Special Request

~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~

What Keeps Us Going

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Sex Toy Journalism: Seeking the Truths of Silicone via Flame Testing and Confronting Manufacturers - Why flame test? “Pure” silicone, be it food grade or medical grade, shouldn’t melt or deform under the heat of an open flame from a disposable lighter or match – a fact you’ll see demonstrated in the video

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Comparisons Part Three
Cosmic Vibrations
Momentum: Reflections and Impressions
My Feminine Fountain is Finally Flowing (I squirted for the 1st time!)
PolyAnna's Musings: Attraction
Q&A Number 1: Play Partners
Sexual Bucket List (and a Brief Diatribe on My Self Censorship Hang Up)
The "Dry Rut/Root"! Non-sex?
Intolerance – Contraception Debate, Religious Intolerance, & Grumpy Cooper

Erotic Writing

Come Together
Encounter in the Spa
Good Bad Sex
I needed him there and then
Make Me Cum
Play Lady Play
Quitting While Ahead
Rampage - YSL's birthday treats
the Confidante and I film ourselves
The first time I slept with the Girl in the Red Dress
Timing Is Everything
We drink each other's cum

Kink & Fetish

Assignment from M
Fucked Raw
Foot fetishists, come talk to me
Make Me
Nice vs. Good
On "Closure."
Practicing My Religion
Please Fuck Me

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Annie fucking Sprinkle
Voice and the Author

Friday, April 13, 2012

Morning sex after his dream

I decided to work from home - I needed the luxury of sleeping in and a slower day if I was going to kick whatever lame fatigue-inducing illness I was fighting. I forgot to turn off my alarm, so it went off at the normal time. I turned it out and the BF rolled over to hold me. We slept. Then I flipped around to hold him. Back and forth for two hours. The last hour of which his face was always touching me. He moved it up against my arm, my face, my breast, my shoulder, my back. It didn't matter how I laid or moved, his body would follow.

I was facing away from him when he stirred awake. I turned my head to see his eyes open for the first time, and smile at me. I snuggled back into him and he wrapped his arms around me. His legs intertwined with mine, and I felt a hard dick press into my leg. "Well, good morning!" I quipped at him. "Hard already for me?" Any morning I'm home when he wakes, I pretty much expect morning sex -- morning wood is a wonderful gift of nature.)

He tells me he had a dream about me - and his grin tells me it was an excellent dream. I press for details; they come slowly... He dreamed he tied me up, on my knees. He tied my wrists and ankles up. He tickled my feet until I peed myself, and he licked it up. Then he spanked my ass no matter how much I begged him to stop. He spanked my breasts and pinched my nipples. He made me spread my legs so he could tease my clit. He put his tongue on my clit and wouldn't move it. He wouldn't let me cum. He was going to rape the fuck out of me... but he woke up right as his dick entered me.

At each detail and new idea I'm shocked, surprised at the details his brain thought about, and then remembered. He tells the story with relish, delighting in my frightened yet delighted reactions to his details. He knows how each part would terrify and excite me.

As he's telling me, his hand is feeling my ass, giving it deep squeezes. He keeps interrupting himself to tell me how much he loves my ass, how awesome it feels in his hand. How much he wants to spank it. His story is barely over and he's on top of me, spreading my legs wide as I'm on my stomach. He rubs the head of his dick in my slick pussy, asking me if his story turned me on. Telling me I'm a little slut for being so wet for him all the time.

He enters me, and a few short thrusts he's all the way, pulling my legs shut and straddling my legs. He gives my back light, tender kisses. His dick feels so good in me. His arms reach above mine and he pulls himself up, pressing into my ass checks as his dick slides in and out. He makes me stick my butt up for him, but then he just presses in and stays there............

...........And stays............

It drives me crazy. He runs his hands down my body, lightly grazing my breasts as they slide down my sides to my thighs, which he grips in each hand. My hips start flexing involuntarily and I'm moaning for him to move in me. I'm fucking him, moving him in and out and my thrusting jerky movements are turning him on, making him want to fuck me again.

He finally does, with a vengeance. He reaches around and grabs me by the breasts, using my body as leverage to fuck harder into me. He's calling me his slut for liking his dick so much. He slows down, pulling all the way in and all the way out. I'm mesmerized by the feeling of it - its so slick, and I can feel my vagina being opened and then collapsed as he does this over and over. In gasps I tell him I love it. He does it more and more. And then stays in, not moving.

Fuuuuuuuck! My brain reacts. My body is twitching and moving, desperate for his dick to move in me... he tries to hold me still so I can't. I'm moaning loud, close to cumming. He starts fucking me hard again, and I start to cum. He shifts up again so his dick is pounding my pussy while I'm cumming and I grip the bars of our headboard, screaming as I cum. Of course, he doesn't let up. He never does. He fucks me in the way I can only ever describe as "Fuck! It's so big in me! OMG!!!" and soon I'm cumming again.

He whispers that I'm such a good slut, cumming for him. He grabs my ass in a giant pinch and tells me I'm a good girl. Then he pushes in, and holds it in me again. I try to not react, I try to stay still. But I can't.... I can't maintain control. My hips are starting to twitch and I'm moving his dick around as best I can, pinned under him as I am. His hands are holding mine above my head, fingers mixed up in mine.

He feels me fucking against him, and I'm flexing my ass to move his dick just barely in and out of me - but I can feel his head rubbing in the most pleasurable away in me. It feels wonderful - and it is, for both of us. It feels too good now to be torture, but I don't think he cares about that anymore. He's starts to fuck me, telling me, ordering me to cum for him. He starts to fuck harder and I urge him on with my "Yes! Oh yes!" as I tell him to keep doing it.

It doesn't take long, and I'm cumming again. He feels me cumming, squeezing on his dick and he tells me I'm so good. He relaxes, slowing down. I know he hasn't cum but I'm not sure what he's doing. He moves away a pillow and some blankets - we are sweating from the heat of our bodies and all the sex. He brushes my hair away from my face so he can see me. He kisses my cheek, my jaw, and neck. And then suddenly his hand is in my hair and he pulls, HARD, jerking my neck back.

Now he's fucking me hard again, and my body is trying to arch up as he's pulling on me. It hurts my scalp, but it feels good. I'm completely at his use as I want to be. He starts talking to me.. and I love to hear him say them to me:

"You're such a dirty slut spreading those legs for me!"

"Naughty slut you take my dick that's right you like it!"

If I moan in pleasure, "Yeah, slut, I'll fuck you just as you like it."

And then, as he came, "Ohhh! Ohh! Take my cum you dirty slut! Take it all!"

I do. My hips tremble as he pumps his dick and cum into me. He gives my back a few more kisses, and lays next to me. He runs his fingers ever so lightly through my hair, lightly against my scalp that he just pulled so hard on. My eyes are shut, enjoying it. His hands keep wandering, and he lay and cuddle and kiss and giggle for about thirty minutes.

Formspring Friday: Naked pictures of me

Q. Why haven't you posted any hot nude photos of yourself? We know you're gorgeous and we want to see!
Interesting question. Aside from my twitter profile picture, the only photos of me on this blog are, so far, my feet and a flash of my boobs. Despite posting about my change in self-confidence and being in a sex-positive relationship, I'll admit to be unhappy with the state of my body right now... to the point that I don't like showing it to anyone but the BF.


BF's reaction is kinda like this. Or it feels like this to me.
 The BF's reaction to my body is undeniable attraction. He can't keep his hands off me, and when I flash my body or dress scantily around the house, he loves it.  I can't get enough of his reactions to me. But does that mean I'm comfortable when I look in the mirror? No, not really. I can see beauty and even better, the potential of beauty. I take a picture I think will be sexy -- but I see a lot of flaws.

I told the BF about this question, and he wanted to also know my reason. Why hadn't I? As far as he's concerned, I can post everything except my face. He thinks I'm beautiful and sexy, what's not to like? When I told him it was because I didn't like the flaws, he didn't know what I meant. What flaws?  Well, the fat and the stretch marks I have. He said, "Honey, those aren't flaws... those are a beautiful parts of you."

Well, until I can see that or I'm more comfortable showing more parts of me, they will remain a mystery I think. I do like to play with the camera... a few weeks ago when I took the bathtub photos of my feet I took a bunch more of my body for the BF - lots of pussy shots just for him.  The other night I took out the camera while he and I were both in lingerie and we got some terrific shots of my boobs.

My boobs are about the only part of me I'm comfortable sharing right now - cause they are fantastic. Perhaps my pussy will one day make an appearance... I'm not sure why I'm stuck on this idea that it has to be "perfect" to post. In the pictures I have its unshaven about three weeks after my last Brazilian wax, so its kind of hairy. I'm not sure why it has to be either full bush or bare for me to think its share-worthy. Truth is, I love my pussy regardless of the amount of hair. And so does the BF. I'll have to think about that.

But for now, a boob pic for you to enjoy:

Yes, my boobs are filling the cup area and spilling out the top.

 Want to ask me a question? Just head to and ask anything you want. Really. Anything. Try me. I'll answer the following Friday.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

The look in the eyes

Every evening we are normally on our computers in the office. He is normally gaming while I am blogging, catching up on emails, or writing. (Blogging takes a lot of time!) We're always chit chatting and constantly interrupting the other with hugs, kisses, and sexy comments that turn the other on and disrupt concentration (another reason blogging takes so long).

Last night "the look" came up somehow. He feigned ignorance and I reminded him, "You know, THE LOOK. The one we have when we're having sex sometimes... that look." He couldn't play dumb for long, as the smile broke out across his face. Yes, he's aware of the look.

The look doesn't always make its appearance. Frequently his face his buried in my breasts or in my neck kissing me during sex. My eyes are typically close as I cannot keep them open while I'm orgasming or even close to an orgasm. But sometimes, with an effort... the look happens and when it does, I don't see anything but him.

It starts when we lock eyes. And then it stays. And for some breaths it says. We kiss, and our eyes are open, looking, staring. He is thrusting or I am rocking but the other is stopped, transfixed in time. The mouths are open, but there are no words. Just shallow breathing. Shared air.

The best sex either of us have had in our lives was in January. I came home from work stressed out beyond recognition.  I went straight to bed and started crying. He was there with me, holding me to him, letting me wet his shirt in my tears. He held me so very tight that day. He kissed my forehead and my cheeks. He told me he would be there for me, it would work out. It was OK. As I calmed down his kisses started moving closer to my mouth and then down my neck. What followed was the most passionate, moving, and incredible sex I'd ever imagined possible.

The look first made its appearance there. At one point I was riding him in cowgirl and I was moving very slowly. His hands were on my back and I was bent over him. Our eyes were locked for what felt like hours. The emotional state of the room was intoxicating. I remember looking at him and thinking this was the most beautiful, joyous, ardent moment of my life. I never wanted it to end. Then he said, "I want this to last forever." 

What followed was so intimate and so beautiful I didn't tweet about it and I won't describe it here. Its ours. Forever.

Every once in a while that look resurfaces. It may be for a few moments, it may just be for a second. The longer we hold it, the more intense the sex becomes.  Sometimes he orders me to look at him, or our eyes meet by accident and we both hold it.

The look surfaced last night. It wasn't planned, even though we talked about it. We just looked. And looked. And then he breathed "I love you" to me. I almost started crying - it was so intense, and I was so freaking happy. I managed to say it back, barely. We kissed, lips just touching. Our mouths were open, lips touch, and we shared breath as he fucked me slowly, our eyes still locked. I broke into a smile, and he asked me why I was smiling. My eyes pricked with tears again. I lost my words.

He buried himself in my neck and kissed me and kissed me.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

What's love got to do with it?

We've all probably heard that line sung by Whitney Houston. What's love got to do with it? That was a small topic of discussion for me on twitter earlier this week. It started as a topic of who I thought ate pussy better: men or women? Well, even though I'm bi, I've never been with a girl... so I can't weigh in on this topic.

My guess is that a woman can, because familiarity with the equipment makes for a better user of that equipment, right? The questioner then disclosed he thought guys gave better head for the same reason and he had experienced both sexes.

So I asked the boyfriend to weigh in - he's experienced both. He said its been a long time since he's had a guy give him a BJ - too long to give an honest comparison. But then he continued well beyond the theoretical situation with a dose of reality. He said, "But to really answer the question, the sex and head you get is only as good as the love you share with the person, no matter their sex.... the more in love you become with someone the more you will enjoy it. And if there is no love, its meaningless and won't feel nearly as good."

Wow... I completely and totally agree with him on this, but I haven't heard him say this before. For me, sex and love go hand in hand and I can't separate them. That's a major reason why I've only had sex with two people in my life - love has to be there for me to be intimate with someone. It's not just about physical pleasure, its about physical pleasure and an emotional connection. I can't give you access to the "goods" if you know and care nothing for my mind.

The boyfriend and I tell each other "I love you" countless times every day. It never gets old and we can never hear it enough. Sometimes we'll respond with "How much?" or "Oh really? Are you sure?" out of fun -- and to see how the other responds. This morning after a wonderful round of sex and cuddling that was full of kisses, he told me he loved me. And I asked "How much?" He paused. Then his answer, one I've never heard before, was this:

"Enough to cum in you, and never worry."

There's a lot to be said in that statement. We're secure in our physical health and we're not concerned about the possibility of a baby*. There's a lot of trust and love in this relationship. Its the best relationship either of us have had. And we tell the other person. There's no hiding what we want, what we like, what we need. Its open and honest all the time, not in specific windows.

And this blog is proof of that, I think. The sex is fucking incredible. He's had a TON more sex than I have (way more than I'd really like to ever know about, really)... but its never been more pleasurable or wonderful as its been with me. He's done the sex before love, the fuck because you want it, and the relationship only exists for sex... its all failed with a lot of hurt and misery all around. For some I'm sure that's OK and it works for you. I'm not saying anything about you - I'm talking about us.

For us, love in friendship is that ingredient that makes the whole recipe work. And we like it that way. For us, love is pretty much the whole thing. Without it, there is no us.

*I am on a birth control pill and we never use condoms. Before we even had sex we discussed the possibility of a pregnancy from sex (really if you're having sex, its always a possibility and you should always consider your options first!). We had always agreed that if it happens, it happens and we'll celebrate it. (For me it would really be a wonderful thing considering my chances are super low anyway, but that's besides the point here.)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

TMI Tuesday: Love, Hate, and Guilty secrets

1. Food
     I love  garden-grown tomatoes
     I hate  avocados (I've tried, I really have. They're just not my thing)
     My guilty secret is  popcorn & raisinets, mixed, Air-popped pop corn is the best.
2. Apparel
     I love  shirts that are just safe of slutty when showing my boobs
     I hate  pajamas worn in public.
     My guilty secret is  corsets and lingerie. I spend too much on it.
3. Books
     I love  Douglas Adams. Everything he's written.
     I hate  Charles Dickens. Hate hate hate.
     My guilty secret is  scholarly/professional books about human sexuality.
4. Songs
     I love  "Dream About Me" by Moby.
     I hate  anything by Ke$ha.
     My guilty secret is  anything by Rihanna.
5. Movie
     I love  Pride and Prejudice - with Colin Firth. Yes, girly-girl here.
     I hate  Titantic. Have only seen clips, but it seems pointless.
     My guilty secret is  Looney Tunes and Tom & Jerry reruns.
6. TV Show
     I love  Seinfeld, Mythbusters, and Friends.
     I hate  ... I don't know, I don't watch what I don't like?
     My guilty secret is  Vampire Diaries. Oh yes, I love it.
7. Celebrity Crush
     I love  James Franco. He's a smart hottie.
     I hate  Patrick Stewart. Yeah, I said it. (Braces for nerd-rage).
     My guilty secret is  Robert Pattinson. Yes, I do think he's dreamy.
8. Music Group
     I love  MUSE.
     I hate  country music. Blech.
     My guilty secret is  show tunes aka Andrew Lloyd Weber. 
9. Sports Team
     I love  Green Bay Packers
     I hate  Cowboys and Patriots.
     My guilty secret is  Roller Derby!
Sex Position or Sex Act or fetish
     I love  tongue in my vagina.
     I hate  being rushed to orgasm.
     My guilty secret is  there are no secrets with me when it comes to sex.

And that's it, folks! My first TMI Tuesday post... want to join in? Check out the TMI Tuesday blog next week to see what the new topic is each week. 

Monday, April 9, 2012

When there's a difference in sexual pasts

Today I read a new blog entry by Liza called "Did We Miss Anything?" In it, she talks about what she and her husband have not done in their sexual lives (one night stands, friends with benefits, etc.) She asks Did we miss anything by being "good?"  

Interesting question. Its one I've certainly had to consider. During my married days, I certainly regretted a lot of my sexual life. Why did I not have sex before marriage (a whole entry right there one day)? Will I always be trapped in this unfulfilling experience? Will I never get to experience all the sexual stuff that I want? Did I miss my chance in having "fun"?

Then I got divorced and suddenly everything was on my terms again. I really thought my first sexual experience post-divorce was going to be my first girl-girl action, but it wasn't. Instead the BF and I got hot 'n heavy and I was in a relationship. This time, before things were official, I made sure he understood that I wanted some girl-girl action... it was a deal-breaker if he wasn't OK with that. He was fine, but he wanted some guy-guy time. OK, deal. And those moments happen with the other's consent and the other is always allowed to be present/witness. I can live with that - it is still OUR relationship, not me+random girl or him+random guy.

There's something to consider, however, when entering a new relationship. Its the talk of the exes... having never been in a relationship where there was a prior ex (my ex had never dated anyone before me), I wasn't really sure what I needed to know vs wanted to know. It was a minefield of emotions, too.

I lost my virginity at 20. The BF lost his at 14. I've slept with 1 person other than him, he's slept with 1 guy and 6 girls, at least. Its not a huge number, but for me it seemed huge compared to my one, which felt like it barely counted. For the first time in my life I felt like I could be compared to someone and I had no idea how I would "rank" so to speak.

Why is ranking so important? Well, I'm a competitive person. I want to be the best, the first, always. It affects my school and my job and well, my personal life. In a relationship I should be the most important - but what if I'm not the best "lay" he's had? What if my inexperience makes me bad in bed? What if I don't have the nicest pussy? What if he's more turned on by others visually than by me? Would it kill me not to know? Should I even ask? Is this line of thinking completely bonkers and sabotaging or is it something I should legitimately care about since it means something to me?

And what about love? He says he loves me, but what if he doesn't love me as much or more than he's loved another? What if he's had fantastic love in the past and I'm a consolation prize because that one hurt him too much? What if I love him more than he does me?  What if he always looks back and remembers how he loved one of the others more than me?

Ultimately, I decided that I would not jump into 20 questions, and I would let things go and do some self checks before my mind continued to get carried away.

I don't know if the competitor in me drove me to be better in bed, but I certainly wanted to be the best. Being the first to ever make him cum from oral put a nice check in my column, for me. As time passed I got more checks: the best hand job, the best orgasm, the longest orgasm, the best head... and finally, one day, the best sex ever. In a weird way, it was me saying I WIN to every chick who's had the privilege of him in bed before me.
Yes, winning like this.
But really, does any of it matter? One of his first "love messages" on facebook contained the lines, "i love you. you tell me you love me now. and i love it. i cherish every letter of it each and every time you say it. its the 3 words from you i want to hear forever. and as long as you say it nothing else matters...  not the women i've been with, not how many guys you been with.." I reminded myself of those words many times in the first few months of our relationship. I know that he's had "a LOT of sex" with pretty much all of his exes (his emphasis, not mine)... a lot in the sense that what we have is barely comparable.

That's a lot of sex which I've never had/experienced in life. Do I regret it? No, I don't. I am who I am because of my prior sexual life (or non-life). I get to experience the greatest sexual awakening of my life with the most wonderful, caring man. For him, he gets to help me on the journey, watch me grow and develop. Help me explore myself, my boundaries, our experiences. Sex has never been better for either of us... and it all comes back to our mutual love and respect for each other.
We are, after all, nerds in love

He's had a wide breadth of experience. If anything, its a bonus that he comes to me experienced and knows how to generally please women. For us, its been pretty fantastic from the start. We've learned each other's bodies and likes pretty well. What I've learned is that it doesn't matter what or who he's done in the past because its the past. Just as my own frustrating hurtful experience contributed to me today, his past has helped shape him for who he is. And its in the past. He doesn't judge me for staying in my marriage for so long just as I don't judge him for sleeping with more women before me.

Our relationship is about us, not the past. Once we were talking about sharing "too much" info about the past  and I remember he bursted out with, "Look, you think I like to know about your ex? If it were up to me he wouldn't exist at all, there'd be only me." We both feel the same way - ideally there wouldn't be a past, there'd be just us and only us and our lives together. I'm not going to allow the reality that there were others ruin anything I have in the present for it.

And one day, I'll be the first and only girl he's asked to marry him.