Geek post: my computer

A post like the following is probably long overdue. I am a geek/nerdy girl --- how have I not talked about my awesome little computer yet!? Four years ago I built myself a computer. It was my first solo build and it was so much fun to select every piece and see it come together. I'd done a couple of builds prior to this for other people and had help. For this to be mine, it was going to be truly my own.

It all started with the case. The case is just like a perfect outfit, a perfect frame, or the perfect car design. It's all for show but its only purpose is to house the real masterpiece which may be hidden from view. I really hadn't thought of what I wanted in a case when I started looking. At first I considered going all flashy with LED lights and colors as I'd never owned my own desktop. Why not go the really fun way?

But then I saw a case in a size I wasn't aware it existed - a miniATX. It was small - just 9 inches tall, 10 inches wide, and 14 inches deep. It was made of red steel. I was in love.

Sure, things are VERY cramped on the inside, especially since I originally purchase a graphics card that took up two PCI Express 2.0 slots... I barely fit in my wireless card. Cords were crammed into every corner, one even pinching itself underneath the graphics card so it could just fit across the case for front USB support.

I didn't care. The whole thing was ridiculously small and cute, something I thought was perfect for a 5 foot geeky girl like myself who loves red. The outside is very simple. There's no LED lights or visible fans. Just a couple of buttons and USB slots.

After four years, I've done nothing but wipe the hard drives and re-load just to refresh the computer. Oh, and I upgraded from Windows XP to Windows 7. But finally, the need for an upgrade really came when my graphics card could not keep up with the gaming graphics and FPS that I needed (that's frames per second, NOT first person shooter). My game is LOTRO and running a 12 or 24 man raid as the tank while everyone is doing the robot is... well, not a very good way to make a good impression as a tank. I muddled my way through with a couple of tries and then gave up. It was just time to upgrade.

In my search for a new card, I came across one where the onboard fan looked a little bit like the Millennium Falcon. I was a bit swayed by this as I'm a huge Star Wars nerd and why shouldn't I want this graphics card!? (If you are just now discovering my love for Star Wars, you need to look at my May the 4th posts from this year and last year). Actually, for my price range it had everything I needed. And, well, the pics will tell you the rest...

One of the best types of package to get in the mail! Newegg!

Oooh. It says "Dragon" on it. It must be cool!

A look inside my case with old graphics card, hidden behind all the wires!

Old card, opposite view. Wires barely reach in some places!

I may have overdone it on the RAM...

It's shiny!

Size comparison, old card to new. Isn't that red steel gorgeous?

New card all snugly inside. Rumored to run graphics in 12 parsecs or less.

And yes, the card can now handle those 12 mans. No more robot dancing in Middle Earth. Geek girl has saved herself once again!

TMI Tuesday: Memorable Moments

What are your five (5) most memorable/amazing sexual moments?

I'm counting these down to the best sexual moment.

5. The first time I had an orgasm from oral sex. Um, yeah. I knew I was missing something, but when it happened for the first time, I was hooked (especially since he could make it happen again and again).

4. The first time I had more than 1 orgasm from masturbation. I had always been a one orgasm girl during masturbation. During the build-up, when pleasure was so high and it felt so amazing, I would tell myself I was going for at least two. I never did. Once the orgasm hit I was so satisfied and the drop from the peak of orgasm to resting was so big that I couldn't muster the desire to do it all over again. That is, until I started having phone sex with my fiance. During one of our first times he told me I was going to have more than one; he would walk me through it. We talked to each other, me describing what I was doing and how it felt. When I came, he listened to me orgasm. What felt like a few seconds of time post-orgasm he told me to do it again, fast. I trusted him and my fingers went after my clit -- BOOM. Second orgasm. Then third. And then he came, listening to me.

3. The first time we had sex. The whole night was amazing. He was so afraid that he was going to hurt me since I'd only had a little bit of boring sex with one person prior to him. He didn't hurt me. The first several months of our relationship he went very slow and very gentle on me. All I remember is how amazing it felt and how loving he was as he coached me through it.
 
2.  Pegging my fiance and seeing the exquisite pleasure on his face when he came as I fucked against his prostate. He never comes as hard as he does when I hit that just right. 

1. Having a partner acknowledge, affirm, and accept my bisexuality and encourage my full exploration of it.


Bonus:  What is one quality you appreciate in a lover?
A good ear. You can tell all you need to know about how I'm enjoying something or where I'm at in my cycle of arousal just from listening. It doesn't happen immediately and it takes time, but once you know it, you can really make me come.

————
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Sex Words A-Z

Some words are inherently sexy, or just make me think of sex. Here's my list:

Adam's Apple. My first thought was "ass" but it seemed obvious. An Adam's Apple is such a masculine part of the body. I love watching them move and listening to the deep timbre of someone's voice.

Booty. I love this word because its sex-positive. Words like "butt" and "ass" can have both negative and positive connotations.... but booty? It's full of positive thinking. Booty is always a compliment.

Cunt.  How could I not use this word? I love it. Its powerful and offensive. But why? How is it any different than vagina or pussy other then it's one of society's most feared words - beyond even the f word. Cunt. CUNT. LICK IT.

Daddy. Sometimes, I like to call him Daddy. It makes him want to bend me over and fuck me.

Eros. Erotic love and passion. If you don't have it, you know its missing. I missed it for years, and when I found it.... I've never let go.

French lace. What is it about things being French that make them sexier than their otherwise-sourced comparatives? I would love to own a French lace bra and panty set.

Generosity. Give me a partner who wants to give me orgasm after orgasm, past the point which I think I can handle, and show me new limits of mulitple O's, and I will try to be just as generous.

Hole. Find one. Use it.

Intimacy. The ability to say exactly what you're thinking to your partner. So valuable, and

Jerk off. I love to watch a man play with his own penis. Sometimes its like watching a child play with his favorite toy. Only the play ends in an orgasm and he's so addicted he can't stop.

Kink. It's only weird the first time.

Love. For me, it makes sex a possibility. For him, it makes it so much better than without. The more love, the better the sex.

Mound. I love the pussy mound, how it raises up with your pubic bone. I love how it feels when you massage it with your hand.

Nipple. When he sucks mine, I feel like the most loved woman in the world. It's so intimate.

Orgasm. It's not the end-all, be-all of sex. It's great, but if you're having sex for the orgasm you might be doing it wrong.

Penis. Because God has a sense of humor. From an observational standpoint, they are equal parts hilarious, gorgeous, and pure sex.

Queening stool. One of the most brilliant pieces of furniture ever invented. I need one!

Record. I never though recording ourselves and then watching it would be so fucking HOT.

Silicone. I know more about this material than I ever thought I would, thanks for my interest in body-safe sex toys.

Testosterone. As a PCOS woman, I have way too much. Thankful I have a partner who understands the consequences of that.

Uvula. The way your mouth moves when you say this word reminds me of sex... kind of how your lips form during a blow job. Uuuuvuuuulaaaaa.

Virginity. Highly, highly over-rated.

Wrap. I love to wrap myself around him. Arms and legs, entwining myself.

X-ray. Several times for overseas trips I've had to get a chest x-ray... and you can totally see my boobs on the x-ray. The nice rounded bottom swoops of my boobs... displayed to any doctor or tech who reviews it. I felt so exposed.

Yoni. I really want a yoni massage. Lately, when I look at porn, it's what I look for.

Zero. The number of times you should fake orgasms. Just be honest.

Note: this post is an entry into Beck's Asian Leather Ball Gag Giveaway. Go and check out the other entries and take an opportunity to enter yourself.

Dating profile and the dream

The other night, two things happened while the FHF was at class.

First, I started a dating profile on OKC looking specifically for local girls to date in a possible secondary relationship.

Woah.

It took me ages to set it up. I've never ventured into online dating. I've actually never tried to find a date, things just.... happen. So I looked, browsed, answered questions, looked at some potential matches and got excited.  Excited, but too nervous to take the first step. Plus, I didn't want to send of messages with an unfinished, brand new profile. So I forced myself to work on my profile.

Several hours later, it was up. When FHF came home, I told him the news and he was happy for me and wished me luck in finding someone. I'm so excited to have his support in this!

But I'm so incredibly nervous. I feel like an idiot who is running off into uncharted territory searching for who knows what...  I don't know how to do this!? If a message does come in (or if I get up the nerve to ask someone out) - I will be so nervous. I am choosing NOT to think about that right now.

And then that night: what I remember as my first ever girl-girl dream. I've often thought that the reason I've never had a lesbian dream before is because I've never had that girl-girl experience, so I have only my imagination to go off of - but my imagination feels so limited compared that its hard to imagine it.

The dream:
I am going to a back specialist because my large boobs and the bras accompanying them have made me have back problems. I go up to the office in a large office building and the waiting room is large. In fact, it looks like a physical therapy office with a welcome desk in the center and then people all around moving in different ways. There's an odd corner of people napping in sleeping bags and I shrug it off as some weird therapy tool. I hope I get to nap too, they look so comfy.

I'm asked to wait and I wonder with all of the people in the room how long my wait will be and what exactly she'll want me to do for my back. I assume some massage and then stretching that I won't enjoy.

A woman with dark raven hair approaches me. She is wearing black heals with pointed toes, bare legs, a wool skirt to the knee, dark blouse, and a white doctor's coat that ends mid-thigh. She looks like a TV doctor: professional, beautiful, fit. Too perfect. She looks at her clipboard as she calls my name, eyeing me for conformation. I stand, and she invites me toward the back where I see there are small offices hidden along a back wall. They almost look like cubicles with doors rather than offices.

We step inside and I notice the room is bare save the carpet and a wood cupboard. So, there will be stretching and stuff I won't enjoy. And I don't see a sleeping bag, damn. 

"So, you have a girlfriend?" she asks.

I'm confused. How does she know I like women? "No," I answer, "but I have a fiance." I decide not to point out my fiance is a man and not a woman. I'd rather keep her thinking I like women.

She invites me to take off my shirt so she can examine where my bra is hitting me compared with my area of complaint and figure out how to help. I pull of my sweater, conscious of my boobs spilling out of my bra as she is turned away fumbling in the cupboard with something.

I turn away to fold my shirt and set my purse down. When I turn back around, there she is. The doctor's coat is gone, as is her skirt, and she's wearing a strap-on with harness. The dildo is pretty big. My eyes stare at it. 

"I'm sure you know what this is." I nod. She lays down on the floor. "Suck." she orders me.

I kneel down between her legs. She is wearing no underwear and the harness is framing her pussy just right. It's completely bare, freshly waxed. She has small pink pussy lips and I can see her clit peaking out at the apex. It looks slick with wetness.

"Suck," she orders again, interrupting my reverie. Her voices is strong and I don't question her authority. I wrap my lips around her dildo and start to suck slowly.

"I don't believe you. Suck like it was real. I want to imagine you wanting this dick." I lick the head and start bobbing slightly down the shaft. I'm so confused and I'm not sure what this has to do with physical therapy, but the sound of her voices makes me want to listen to her. My eyes flick up to her face and she's watching me, intensely.

I am craving her approval and wondering how far this will go. Will I be rewarded for my effort? I start taking longer strokes and trying to deep throat this dildo. It's longer than my fiance's -- there's no way I can do this. She sees my effort and encourages me with an approving "good girl."

Spit runs down the shaft as my lips pursue the end of it, reaching toward her pussy mound. I can smell her scent and its musk is delicious. I start to think about tasting it. My saliva starts dripping down the shaft and drops are spilling onto her. Once again I take a look at her and she is smiling, pleased with me. Her hands reach toward my head and she runs her slender fingers through my hair.

I look down at her cunt and see her lips are slick with wet. I want to taste her so much! I reach my hands up to grab her hips, but before I can touch her, she grabs my hands and slams them onto the floor beside her.  "No touching me today," she says. "Just suck for now."

For now. Today. So, what will happen in my future visits? 

He wants me to date a woman

I'm a bisexual woman. I want the opportunity to play with partners of both sexes. This is a topic my FHF and I have discussed at length. We've agreed that while our relationship is primary, the other is allowed, permitted, and encouraged to find partners of the opposite sex to play with.

Occasionally I browse craigslist just to see what people are looking for. That led to our first threesome last fall where I got to witness him sucking off penis and having his sucked by another guy. I pegged the guest and my FHF ate me out. It was fun, but the focus was certainly not me. I loved doing a lot of the observing.

I haven't even considered contacting any of the women's ads I see on craigslist.

That's now how I want it to happen. I'm not a casual sex person. It just doesn't compute. I can't go from the first hello to first kiss in minutes or even hours. I need to know who you are, what makes you tick. I need to know that you're attracted to me in mind and body. And I need to know your mind well enough to see if I'm attracted to you. I've discussed before that I might be a demisexual. (So, while I may see sexy and attraction, but I don't have sexual attraction until I know your personality).

I've discussed this with the FHF and he understands. Initially our agreement for opposite-sex play was that the non-play partner would be allowed to be present. We were both OK with this deal.... but now that I'm learning about how I attract to people, I've asked him to consider letting me have my space.

I need time. I need to date the person, you could say, and take things out our pace, whatever that may be. One day he may be invited to watch (I really hope she will let him watch, or even let him join in). However, he's agreed that he doesn't have to observe.

In fact, today, he told me that when I'm done travelling on business in a couple of weeks, that I should start looking for a local potential partner. I scoffed at finding someone in my area and just connecting. And then he said: "Well, meet for coffee. Start dating her. But I want you to find someone. I think you need it."

Four years ago I learned about polyamory. I thought it was perfect for me as a bisexual woman who has a desire to have caring sexual encounters with both sexes. And now, it seems that my FHF and I are possibly heading that way.

Whatever it turns out to be, I'm so happy to have a partner who is so supportive and willing to discuss and renegotiate our relationship as we change together.

TMI Tuesday: The sexiest thing

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TMI Tuesday: Fantasy, Anyone?

1. Do you think that acting out a fantasy can sometimes cause damage to a relationship?
 Only if one partner feels coerced or forced to be a part/not a part of this fantasy. If both partners are willing, I'm not sure how it can be damaging.

2. Some couples role play their fantasies rather than introducing another person into the relationship to live out their fantasies. Do you think that this is an acceptable substitute?
Wait, people role play their fantasies without their regular partner? I'm confused... I thought role playing was about playing with your partner, not finding someone else. I've always wanted my partner to be a part of my fantasy in some way; at the very least, emotionally supportive. In my world, having your partner part of the fantasy is the point!

3. Is there a particular movie or TV series or character from a movie or TV series that you fantasise about?
No, I don't. The closest I've come is fantasizing about Clay Matthews. Can you blame me?

4. Apart from the obvious things like child abuse, are there some things that are ‘off limits’ for a fantasy e.g. incest fantasies, age play, rape fantasies. Why/ why not?
I think a fantasy is just that, a fantasy. I'm don't think fantasizing about anything is off limits. Would I act out everything? No, certainly not. But the BF and I have fantasized brother-sister scenes, Daddy-daughter, and rape. We've enjoyed all of it!

5. What is the most taboo thing you have ever fantasised about doing?
I'm going to plead the fifth. And for this blog, you know that's extreme....

6. Tell us about a fantasy that you have that you don’t ever see yourself actually acting out. Why do you think you will never act it out?
Well, there's the jungle gang-bang fantasy that is my oft-used masturbation fantasy.  I've been told it's pretty hot - and I'd recommend you go read it if you haven't yet. In reality, I don't want to stumble across a bunch of people and be forced to take cock after cock and be bukkaked regardless of what I say. There is no safety word or safe sex in my fantasy - and that's why it will remain a fantasy.

7. Have you ever pretended the person you were having sex with was someone else without telling them?
Yes. I felt terrible about it. But it's only happened with my ex.

8. Have you ever tried to make a fantasy a reality only to have it fail miserably? What happened?
No, not yet. But we haven't done a lot of role playing, either.

Bonus: Tell us about your most cherished fantasy. Did you ever live it out? Please give us all the juicy details because that is the kind of people we are.
I don't know if I have a most cherished fantasy. The past year and a half has been an incredible sexual experience. So many things I've wanted to do sexually (with a man) I have now done. I would say 90% of my fantasies include women now.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Travelling around the bed

I was laying in bed on a Saturday afternoon, naked. I looked at him, still somewhat bashful even after all these months. He looked at me and my body did a little uncontrolled wiggle of excited.

"Well?" he asked. "Are you going to spread 'em or not?"

I giggled, and spread my legs wide. I had known he was waiting for my legs to spread so he could eat my pussy as he had told me he would do at some point this weekend, but at this moment it had been his suggestion. His offer to eat me "good."

He did not hesitate, but slid in between my legs, leaning on his right arm, as if we he were going to have a conversation with my cunt. He ran his left hand up my thigh, and my eyes closed in relaxation and anticipation. I thought I knew what was going to happen. I thought.

He started as he normally does, making me feel his hot breath on my lips and clit. I can tell he's so close, but he's not touching me so all I can do is wait. He took a couple more breaths and I felt my body yearn for his hot tongue. His breath was so hot, but I knew a soft, wet touch was imminent.

And there it was. Ohhhh yes, that familiar and yet I can never get enough of it: his tongue brushing gently against my clit. My body begins to relax and all that exists is my cunt for him. His short licks are focused on my clit but soon turn into these broad strokes that cover all of my pussy and so soon my voice is echoing in our room from my soft screams of pleasure.

I rock my hips up slightly to give him better access, and he holds me in the right position. I lose all thought and feeling in the rest of my body; everything that exists is in my cunt and that noise I am somehow making without effort.

His licks are driving me wild. Normally he doesn't just lick me. Normally there is tongue fucking, sucking, kissing. Fingers. Right now, there is just licking. He licks me up and up and up, the same motion. It feels so damned good and yet I'm not coming or even close to it. I'm just building and quivering as his tongue plays with me. Minutes pass.

And then, something unexpected. He turns his head sideways to my pussy, and his lips seal around my clit. He doesn't suck, but his tongue starts flicking across me. I am SCREAMING. I can't stop it. The pleasure is so intense and it doesn't stop. I orgasm three times and he doesn't even slow down or take a break.

All I feel is hot wet mouth on my clit and the small surrounding area. No air. Just his mouth and tongue and me. It's too much. Too much pleasure. I'm still screaming. My hands are through the bars on our headboard and I'm pulling myself away. I have to get away.

He has one of my legs, and he uses it to keep me to him so his lips are on me. Still on me. That tongue is flicking at me. Oh god it's too much - I have to get away!

I start pushing at the mattress with my free foot, and my body beings to turn sideways. My pushing left foot is off the bed, now I'm really stuck. I see my pillow go flying off the bed as failing arm tries to get some leverage. It brushes my bedside table and the lamp rocks back and forth. I'm trying to catch my breath from all the screaming but I can't.

My arms manage to grab the quilt and I pull - it does nothing. I'm now laying across the top of our bed, shoulders on his pillow, trapped with him on my pussy. I pull on the headboard to try and get away. I wiggle my hips. HOW is he keeping this air tight seal on my pussy? His mouth hasn't moved - it's all hot down there and now I am experiencing one orgasm after another. I'm overwhelmed. Blind. Parched. My hands find headboard and I pull/push myself against it and the matress and my shoulders are hanging over the edge of the bed - on his side. I've maneuvered across our king size bed desperate to escape the pleasure that is his mouth and my pussy.

He's followed me, he's glued to me. It's like a vacuum seal and I can't get away. I am screaming so loud my throat hurts. It's dry. I have a fleeting though that I could fall off the bed if I keep pushing myself - but how else to get away?

Hit him! I raise my hands to land blows on his shoulders and stop myself - or rather, a very strong orgasm rips through my entire body and I fall back, half of my off the bed and he's holding onto me as I scream, "Stop! STOP! OH GOD STOP! I CAN'T!" It's the best torture and I don't know how I am enduring it.

I shake my trapped leg, hard, and try to push him back away from me with my feet. He relents and I curl up on the bed, panting. Breathless. I'm still moaning, but I'm coughing. My throat is dry. I can't wet it. I try to talk, but there are no words. I still can't open my eyes.

"Why'd you make me stop?"

My eyes flutter, and what comes out are incoherent mumbles. I'm a crazy person, driven mad by pussy eating. He laughs.

"No, I don't think I'm done."

I whimper. He pushes my legs open and pauses. I briefly open my eyes and all I see is pure lust in his. I acquiesce and fall back on his pillow, his mouth attacks me again.

What I'm thankful for this year

I have a lot to be thankful in life. I don't have to worry about being imprisoned for writing a sex blog. Or being bisexual. I have a job that allows me to support myself. I purchased my first home this year.  I have a boyfriend, and not just "a boyfriend."

I have an incredible, loving, best friend who is a supportive partner to me. He truly, honestly, deep-down loves in me in a way I don't fully understand. I love him so completely that I can only hope I love him to the same extent that he loves me.

So many blessings in life, I wanted to recount some of them for you:

• Technology like blogger and twitter. Without them, I wouldn't have found this outlet for all my kinky joy that I just want to share with all of you. The world. Prosperity. 
• Sex toy technology. For obvious reasons. 
• Friends who understand that sometimes I need to work hard and encourage me through some of the hardest work challenges of my life.
• My cat, who seems to have a sense for when I'm sick or stressed and will come and cuddle with me and purr on me.
• My new fridge that has an ice machine, something I've lived without in my adult life until this point. And I'm a dedicated ice chewer. 
• My boyfriend's love of my ass and thighs. My thighs have been the part of my body I've been most uncomfortable with but he has made me feel so beautiful with them.
• Computer gaming, because I love to kill orcs and goblins in LOTRO.
• Learning how to squirt. HAVE YOU SEEN THE WET SPOTS? 
• Blog comments. Because some of the sweetest and kindest things that have ever been said to me have come from those who comment on my blog.
• I came out in 2012 in didn't lose any friends or family. While my parents and some friends may not understand what it means to be something other than straight, they are still supportive of me. I've been able to discuss this somewhat in depth with my mom and, despite her very strong conservative religious views, she has kept an open mind.
• My boyfriend has a steady job now, after 300-some job applications and several interviews. 
• That I work for a company and have a boss that are generally flexible, so I can work from home or come in late and not worry about negative repercussions. 
• Foot rubs from the boyfriend, especially on my foot/ankle that hurts when I stand too long, walk too much, drive too much, or the weather changes.
• Having a huge bathtub that fits 2. (but with the right girls, possibly three?)
• That my boyfriend always wants to end every evening on the couch with me, no phones or computers allowed. Its our time.
• That our favorite way to fall asleep is me holding him as the big spoon and he is my little spoon. He's always asleep within minutes and when he grips my hand to his chest in his sleep, I drift off to sleep soon after.
• Vegetarian refried beans. I love to eat them.
• Online bill pay. It makes my life so easy.
• Skype. Because then I can watch some of my twitter friends on-cam. And that is wonderful technology.
• A mentor who cares about me professionally and personally. 
• Boyfriend love and respect. And the only person who has ever said its OK to cry -- and held me when I finally let the tears fall. 
• When he talks about he wants to marry me.... and he masturbates thinking about me in a wedding dress!

I could go on, but you get he point. There's a lot to be thankful for beyond what is written in this blog - although sex 3-6 days a week and 1-10 orgasms a day are a LOT to be thankful for. I have a great sex life because of who I am with. We're quite a match.

She called me Elizabeth

A few weeks ago I posted my second audio recording of my orgasm. Overall the feedback was.... overwhelmingly positive. But one comment really, REALLY made my day.

A very lovely, beautiful woman that I have a complete girl-crush on, known as Pumptious Pea, recorded a very short audio clip in response to my recording.

She asked what to call me as... and, knowing it would be public, I gave her my middle name. Elizabeth.

Until this recording, I've never cared for the name.

listen to ‘For Elizabeth..’ on Audioboo

Transcript:
Ohhh... oh my gosh. Elizabeth!     You. Delicious, squirty, howler. You.              Fuck!

Since hearing it, I think I could go with that as my name every day.

My BF, upon hearing her voice, gets an almost instant boner. He is so turned on by her voice. I'm almost forbidden from playing her while he is within hearing distance.

Oh Pea, I wish I could howl for you one day!

If you don't follow @PlumptiousPea on twitter or listen to her hot audio on her blog, you are missing some very sexy aural delights!

When I want to start having sex

On twitter, @Saynine asked the question - does anyone wait 6 dates or more for sex? He had seen this response on OK Cupid and was a little surprised at the length of time. A very respectful, healthy discussion followed among a large group of people. On the whole, most people had sex earlier than six dates.  Their reason? Sexual compatibility before emotional compatibility.

For me, this just doesn't jive. I can't actually imagine having my priorities that way. Just thinking about approaching life that way makes my brain say, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT! THAT'S CRAZY!" Ok, calm down brain. I'm not asking you to change who you are. At least I know my mental/emotional limits.

I have absolutely nothing against someone who can live life successfully this way - really. I fully respect people are different and can have sex on the first date and end up happy together (just like @saynine and a bunch of other twitter people have). For me, it's just not how I approach life and relationships. That conversation happened early 8 hours ago but I haven't stopped thinking about it.

Why did so many feel comfortable with sex on the first date when it seemed so few responded that that was too soon? Does my background/upbringing impact this more than I realize? Why, exactly, do I feel so strongly against this?

Let's start with a few disclaimers.

1. First, as I've mentioned several times, I've only had 2 sexual partners. My experience on dating and starting a sexual relationship is limited.
2. Also, I've never been on an actual first date. Let me explain: I started dating my first partner in college. We hung out for months and we were around each other so much that people assumed we were dating, so we just started dating under the logic, "Everyone thinks we are, so let's give it a shot and see if it's the good idea everyone else seems to think it is." Yeah, I was an idiot. (In my defense, I was only 17 and had only long-distance dated 1 other person.)  But once we first started "dating" officially, we didn't go out on any official dates. We just continued hanging out like we always had. Then when I started dating the boyfriend, but we met long distance. Our first "date" was more than a month after we started dating long distance. We were already skype masturbating, so sex upon meeting made sense.
3. I grew up in a very conservative, Christian home. Sex was not discussed. You didn't kiss anyone unless you loved them. Sex was only OK within marriage... etc. You know the type. This whole background was a major part of the problem why my first sexual relationship failed: I had no idea what you should be looking for in a potential sexual partner or relationship. I didn't know what to think about, look for, and had no idea there was quite a range of sexual preference and tastes. 

OK, so disclaimers out of the way. Does this explain why I can't imagine sleeping with someone on the first date? No... really, I see my reasoning exists outside of these experiences:

1. I don't trust people that easily. Yes, I'll take you at your word up until a point. However, I have no way of knowing you're telling me the truth when we've only just met. How do I know you're telling me the truth on what you want, are interested in, or your last STD test was as clean as you say it was? How do I know you're not going to use me to get off and not call me again? 
2. Before you even kiss me, I want to know we have chemistry. Flirt with me, show me interest, let's get to know each other. Can we even flirt? I've had men flirt with me and I've been repulsed by it. Just because you're attracted to me, I won't be attracted to you.
3. I have to be attracted to you, and I'm not automatically attracted to someone. Personality is a huge part of attraction for me. I am not attracted to the physical outright. I need time to let my attraction grow.
4. I'm not a fan of casual sex. I prefer sex within a relationship. A relationship doesn't happen overnight or after a date or two. It takes time to develop.
5. Sex can be confusing. I've seen it happen with friends... the sex is great, but the rest of the relationship sucks. It muddies the waters. You can't see clearly and you end up staying in a relationship when you really should end it. I don't ever want to be in that situation. I need to establish the rest of my relationship -- and then bring sex into the equation.

These are all reasons why just meeting someone and jumping into sex or swinging won't work for me. I need time and a relationship first. I need feelings, chemistry, anticipation. I don't want a one time thing. It's not for me. If it works for you, then I wish you safe and enjoyable sex in whatever form of relationship you are looking for. 

Assumptions and respect

A few days ago, Mina started a trend among bloggers and tweeters about what assumptions people make about us. I couldn't think of anything until the next day when some assumptions became very  apparent.

One thing I've noticed is, even though I disclose that I'm in a relationship with someone on my twitter profile, a lot of people assume:

1. We are in an open relationship or, kinky means poly. I don't say whether we are or not, but there is an assumption that we are. Apparently being on twitter and talking about sex means we're both ready and open for any other partners. 
2. I am looking for other partners. This is really an assumption I've seen men make. A lot. This isn't just saying how they think I'm attractive or how they love that I'm open minded, or even how what I post on twitter, tumblr, or my blog is sexy. No, it's completely assuming that I'm not only looking for a date, but that the way I want to meet someone is via twitter and it's totally normal to be asked out within 5 minutes of the first "Hi" they tweeted to me. It's presumptuous and rude, in my opinion. I just met you 5 minutes ago, why do you think this is enough information to go on so we can go have drinks?
3. I want to sext with you. Obviously when I talk about MY sex life, that means I want to send you sexy messages so you can get off, right? No. I don't. I'm not here to be chat with you and help you cum. I post plenty of stuff on my blog that should help you, you don't need my personal interaction.

Now let's talk about respect. Making assumptions and acting on them is a rude. I guess that's a sign of our culture - the female is the prey, the male is the hunter? Is it assumed that because I like sex I'll be a slut for anyone and I'm just ready to jump into bed with ever offer that rolls in the door? This type of attitude isn't sex positive at all. It doesn't treat me with respect or even consider how I might take such an offer - or what your assumptions are about me and any other woman you randomly happen to meet.

Lately on tumblr I've been seeing more posts with captions that share this disturbing trend of disrespecting women:

"My bitch of a girlfriend sucking cock."
"Asian bimbo looks ready to fuck."
"Slut bitch just ready to be used and have her holes filled."

I'm not going to deny there's a time and place for name-calling. I love to use dirty talk myself - during sex where it can be incredibly hot. But these are captions on images of women that you know or don't know (I don't know which is worse). Do you know anything about her? Do you think she wants to be called or likes to be called this by a complete stranger?

Just because her image is out there does not mean its appropriate to label her how you see her. These labels aren't friendly or respectful. You're making assumptions off of one photograph and a fleeting moment. The Asian girl had large, obviously fake breasts - so that makes her a bimbo? And the other girls are obviously enjoying themselves during sex - why does that make them a bitch or a slut?

All I think about when I see these captions or labels on images is how women are seen as tools for one use: sexual gratification. They are dehumanized through words. It shocks me because its so inappropriate and yet I can't say I'm surprised. I'm disappointed, for sure.

But then, is assuming I want to jump you because you said, "Hey, ur sexy" on twitter any different?

TMI Tuesday: Daring

What are your 50 shades?

1. I enjoy the idea that my partner wants to inflict pain on me that:

a. makes me curious

b. is titilliating and sexually arousing

c. that leaves me screaming and/or crying because that's the way I like it

My answer: b. I like to be titillated and a little bit of pain is sexually arousing. I can't tolerate a lot of spanking or pain in bed. I have a very low tolerance before I start to hurt beyond the point of fun. Part of me wants to experience crying as a result, but I'm not sure I'm anywhere near ready for that.

His answer: b. He receives a lot more pain than I do in terms of spanking and nipple pinching. He loves it and will beg for harder, more, until I feel like I can't give anymore. He doesn't scream or cry, at least not that I've made him do yet. He doesn't find that interesting and I'm not sure I would want to make him cry in bed anyway.

2. Do you like being forced to dress or act in a way that is humiliating? If yes, please describe. If no, why not?

My answer: No, I really don't. I don't find it exciting to be forced to do anything humiliating or embrassing. It makes me upset or angry, especially when attention is drawn to it. It would be very difficult to handle psychologically. That  might be part of the point. I'll not say it will never happen, but it will be a while.

His answer: Well, it's not anything he's experienced yet, but he's open to it. (I'm not sure how I would dress him to humiliate him - he's bisexual, a cum slut, likes to cross dress, be a kitty, and lick up creampies and suck dick... Any ideas, dear readers?)

3. Do you like seeing bruises, scars, or marks that were caused during sex on either you or your partner? What kind of marks?

My answer: Yes. I love to see them on me and on him.I love seeing his ass bruised and speckled red the day after a heavy spanking. I really like it when I have hickies on my body from him for days after sex. I love seeing those marks in the mirror, reminders of his passion for me on my skin.

His answer: No!

4. Would you like to be forced to do sexual things that you don't necessarily like to do?

My answer: Yes, I think so, it depends on what it is, really. Just how much do I not like to do it? There's a lot I like to do, but not a lot on the "don't like" list.

His answer: Sure... but I don't know if there are any sexual things I don't want to do?

5. Do you want to be forced to watch your lover with someone else? Yes, No, or It depends.

My answer: No, that is never something I want to be forced to watch. I always want it to be a choice.

His answer: Maybe...(perhaps you should read this entry on how he wants to watch me with SOME men, well so far ONE man.)

6. What dirty (sometimes inappropriate) things do you like to say to your sexual partner?

My answer: I like to call him a girl, sissy boy, small dick. I tell him he doesn't satisfy me. 

His answer: Bitch, suck my dick. Fucking cunt. 

Honestly, what do we NOT say to each other? We basically dirty talk all day when we're around each other...

Bonus: Finish this statement: I like being powerful in bed because I like to have control in life, and when I have control I have power. It also makes me responsible for giving him pleasure, and that is the best responsibility I could think of.

Sharing rules

Before our relationship even started, we agreed that we both wanted to have the opportunity to play with others of our same sex. We're both bisexual and we both want to enjoy that side of our sexuality. Our only rule was we wanted to be present, ie, he could watch me with another woman (but not participate) and vice versa.

We both want to "play" with someone we can trust. I am not a "meet you then fuck you 5 minutes later" person. I need a relationship. I need to know who you are and like/love you. For me, sex and orgasms don't happen outside of this arena of caring. I want to make sure that whatever sexual experience we have, there will be kissing and cuddling which are not random experiences for me. I also want to make sure I am with someone who I can trust when they say they are drug/disease free. I don't want to worry and doubt. I want honesty. I want a personal relationship. I want to know what makes you laugh and how to make you giggle. I want to share our more than just my bed, but also some of my normal life.

We haven't done any experimenting yet, really. We've been far too interested in each other. We also are not sure where/how to look. I haven't had time to explore FetLife; I'm not sure it's the place for me. We're both naturally shy and its hard for us to meet someone, much less meet someone to start this kind of relationship. And really, we're in no rush. We've enjoyed the past year together. We have many, many years ahead of us. Why rush into this?

But then there is twitter. There are many amazing, sexy women and couples that offer potential. I'll fully admit to flirting with women on there (you know who you are) and using some of them in my fantasy life (I don't think I've told them about it...). There are singles and couples who have asked to join us or be a part of our sex life. It's all very flattering to be so desired. I've never been so wanted in my entire life.

Most of the time I'm propositioned it's by men or by a couple. No one has lived near me to be a possibility geographically, so I consider these invites pretty harmless and unreal. It's never a serious consideration. But then there's one couple we've started to crush on.

But the interest has expanded from girl-girl and guy-guy. Once my BF got to know the man of the couple pretty well and the man expressed interest in me (although he certainly wants the BF more), my BF told me he wanted me to fuck the guy! I was shocked - SHOCKED. He has been so strong on his stance that no man would ever fuck me, and now he wants me to be fucked by another guy? Not only does he want me to be fucked by the guy, he wants the man to cum in me so my BF can lick me clean. Creampie cleanup!

I've also been granted clearance to flirt with him...it makes my BF jealous, but also turned on and horny. He likes it.

A few weeks ago, somewhat randomly and suddenly, we skyped with them. Naked. We didn't do anything on camera except a little kissing and fondling; we mostly talked. But the ideas and mutual want for a meeting and fun together is on the table and we want to explore further.

In a way, I'm very flattered. I'm flattered that the man wants me, I'm flattered his wife is OK with it, and I'm extremely flattered my BF trusts both of us to be OK with it. I'm turned on. I never thought this would be on the table. Never.

But then the question is raised, what about his wife? She and I are certainly ready to tear into each other, but she has expressed interest in my BF and he is certainly interested in her. But I am not sure I am comfortable and OK with that. I have an insane jealous streak and while I am secure in my relationship, I don't like the idea of my BF getting off due to physical contact with another woman. I have no problem with porn, but I prefer he look at gay or TS porn rather than women. I do not like him flirting with women on twitter. I understand his appreciation for women on tumblr and even this beautiful woman, but the thought of him fucking her or her sucking him off makes me... jealous. sad. lonely. I don't think I can do it.

I'm trying to reconcile these feelings of jealousy with reality. I really have no fear of losing him; I'm not sure what my feelings are.

I never considered myself to be a swinger, but that is certainly the direction we are heading. I'm totally OK with this. Our fantasy life often brings up different things we would do with this couple and others. For now, the rules are changing and our boundaries are expanding. Who knows what might happen when geography is not an issue? I'm not sure. I do know that anyone who will be with us will have a relationship with both of us. And we both get a veto option. Because, ultimately, its about us in the end.

Update on our "No sex pact"

As we've announced on twitter, we are closing on our first home this coming week. This has been in the works for several months and we could not be more excited that it's coming to an end.  We have been talking for a while about celebrating this awesome milestone, but how?

I know there are some things we've been waiting to experience together in the new home, like him dominating me or him tying me up and really letting me have it. He won't do either of those now because he needs me to be able to scream without alerting the neighbors. But those are thing that will not happen right away.

One day when we were talking about how my pussy has changed he joked about not having sex for a while to see if that made a difference. Of course when he says this we both end up laughing, there's no way we could just withhold sex for months... but what about weeks? I don't remember how the conversation went, but someone suggested not having sex until we were officially moved into the house, and the other agreed.

What we didn't consider was that moving day was 23 days away.

As of this post, we are on day 12. Twelve days without penis-in-vagina sex.

It's not a dry spell, as we are both horny and wanton. In fact, we are even more horny as a result. We are indulging in everything else. The past twelve days have included anal sex, handjobs, toys, and tons of oral.

In a way, our sex life has never been so hot.

We've never been so on fire for each other. When I get home from work we are immediately in the bedroom making out and sucking on each other. And then at bedtime we want more.

I've noticed a few things from this. First, he's become more generous in wanting me to not have just an orgasm or two, but 5, 8, 10, or more. He may give me a few, and when I'm doing satisfying him he wants to give more. And then I give more back.

We are more desperate to be with each other. We can't stand to be apart while I'm at work. During our couch cuddle time in the evening we are now naked and he is laying on my body, feeling me up a bit before bedtime.

We are fighting more. I think our passion for each other is closer to the surface, but that means it's easier to trigger some stupid argument. We fight passionately over stupid stuff, then all of a sudden it dissipates and we end up just holding each other.

So, is it worth it? So far, I think so. Call it an experiment in sex. An experiment in our relationship. Since we've been together, we've only abstained from PIV sex for three days. And it was a very long three days. When it ended, we had three very hot, explosive rounds of sex in a hotel room.  I can only imagine that, if three days resulted in that kind of reaction, what would three weeks do?

So we're looking forward to the date with a LOT of anticipation. It will be an awesome, amazing night. And in the meantime, we are rediscovering and just enjoying all the ways we give handjobs, oral sex, cuddling, and masturbation. Oh, lots of masturbation.

So here we are, on fire for each other, denying ourselves for a purpose. It's hot, driving us wild, and we are loving and hating every moment of it.

Nature's added lube: Period sex

Does the title of this make you squick a little? Does the thought of fucking while on your/her period make you feel ill? I hope not. This post has been a long time coming. A lot of people consider "period sex" a taboo topic or shy away from it. Why?

Having a period is normal. It's supposed to happen. There was a time in my life when, thanks to the joy of PCOS, I would be "lucky" to get a period once a year. Wow, a full year with no period? Awesome, right? No. Not awesome at all. It would come with no warning and then stick around for a week. Or two. And then it might come back in another two and hang around. Then I might have them every few weeks for two weeks at a time. Then the wet season would end and nothing would happen for fifteen months. Fifteen months of hanging on the edge, waiting.

Birth control fixed that for me. Now I'm that regular every 28 days just like they told you in health class type of schedule. I'm so regular, I can predict it within the hour normally. My point is, it's supposed to happen once a month; that's how women's bodies are made.

So why, for a few days to a week every month, do we pretend we are not sexual beings? Nothing changes about who we are or what we like. Our hormones may be in flux but a week later I will still be me, a girl who really enjoys sex and wants to have it on a daily basis.

In fact, during my period, I'm usually my horniest ever. I need sex. I need orgasms. I don't care how they come, but I must have them. Daily at the very least, several times a day is better. In life pre-BF, my period meant eternal panties and no touching "down there." It was icky, gross, bloody, nasty, smelly, and ever other horrible, negative that could be said.

But to me, it was natural. This is supposed to happen. It's happened for years and will continue to happen for many more. For me, period blood is just another bodily fluid. It smells a little different, but my own body makes it. It's just extra lube. In a different color.

Some of my best masturbation orgasms happen during my period. Maybe its part of the full body acceptance, but I love touching myself during the days each month that remind me I'm a woman. I'm a woman who likes to masturbate no matter what day or time it is.

When my boyfriend first came to visit, I had 10 days to have sex before my period came. I remember having a moment of panic when discussing dates and saying, "Oh no... wait... OK, we'll have 10 days before my period starts... good."

"So? I don't care about that. I'll have sex during your period."

Woah.  Really? YAY! Finally - someone who felt like I did... it was no big deal! A period happens, why let it interfere with sex?

The first time we had sex on my period, I was so happy. Nothing felt weird or gross. We didn't even make a mess. The only change in our routine was he wiped his cock off when we were done. You could barely tell it had been involved in such a taboo task!  Since then, period sex is part of our normal sex life. If I'm feeling lots of cramps, I'll ask him to help me out with some sex. Or a handjob. His opinion for that is, "My fingers can be washed." Huh, what do you know, he's right. Fingers, like dicks, are washable. So finger fuck me away!

His only line about period sex is he won't go down and eat me out. I'm fine with that. I'm not sure I would be able to do that myself. I can live 4-5 days without oral sex. It just means I have deadlines so I can say, "Eat it tonight, or you can't for 5 days" and suddenly I'm having a great night of oral sex!

I thought several times about writing this post. I half expected someone to ask, "What about your period?" because we have sex ALL THE TIME. No one did. But I wasn't sure what to say about it other than "just do it." In the past month I've come across two great articles by fellow bloggers also on the topic of period sex.

Rubyyy Jones has a great post on starting out with period sex and what to consider if you're going to try it. There's no reason why this topic needs to be hush-hush between you and your partner. Talk and try!

Girly Juice writes an great article on how to make period sex more enjoyable for both. In fact, she suggests using menstrual cups, instead of tampons, to make oral sex possible without blood being a factor. I call it brilliant and cannot wait to try it.

There's no reason your sex life should stop when "Aunt Flo" or "that time of the month" comes around. Communicate, share, and explore. Your partner just might be super grateful for it.

e-lust #37

Photo courtesy of Molly at Molly's Daily Kiss

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #38? Start with the newly updated rules, come back July 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!
~ Top 3 ~
Coming to Terms with Being Gay - From the time I was seven I was raised Mormon, which meant I wasn�t allowed to have a girlfriend until I was 16 or to have sex until I was married.
What I Want - I want to be humiliated. Call me a slut. Call me a whore. Slap my face. Expose me.
Dinner Party Entertainment - At that moment, J's eyes went wide--he finally realized I was leaving him there, tied to the bed.
~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~
My Abstinence Only �Sex Education� - The speakers were a married, Christian couple, and the man told us about how he had pledged to stay a virgin until he was married.

~ e[lust] Editress ~
Your Crappy Writing Turns Me Off - Your written words are your clothes, your power, your voice, your facial expressions and that by which we measure intelligence, personality and even attractiveness.
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the �read more�� tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!
Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
A New Found Respect for Bondage Educators
Cunt: Healing sexual abuse
Equal but DifferentFuck you. Without a condomHarper Eliot's Guide to Surviving Drop Alone
PolyAnna's Musings: What About the Kids
Settling down--bullshit free
Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Sweet Valley High Meets the Story of Oh My!
Women's rape fantasies
Why May is Nat'l Masturbation Month
Erotic Writing
Ache
A Word on What Your Words Do to Me
Anything the Lady Wants
Breathless
Cemetery Sex
Dropped Call
Fucking a Stranger�s Wife While He Watched
Folly, part 4
Getting His Attention
Jerk and Tug
Jill's Look Back at Masturbation Month
Like a Faggot
Phontographs (fiction, part 1)
Release
Senses and Scents
Spearmint Rhino
Swing: Part I
The Dance
Touch Me, Tease Me
Kink & Fetish
Earning My Wings
fantasy with beast/the train ride
His first crop spanking
Learn the rope of knots: Larks Head
Popping my anal cherry
Stress Relief
Staying power
The Cutting Edge
Tie Me Up! ~ I think...
Why chastity is hot
What I Like and Why

Review: SLUT Paddle

The Toy

SLUT paddle by Sportsheets

You know we like spanking, right? Well, we do. Specifically, I like to spank him and he loves to be spanked. I haven't received much spanking, it's not my thing like it is for him. However, I'm not opposed to it. The problem with spanking is that, when you use your hand, it starts to sting the spanker pretty quickly. And then, at least for us, my hand/arm gets tired of the repeated spanking. We needed and wanted an aid to help spanking last longer.

Handle detail

We saw this toy in our local sex shop and then I had the opportunity to buy it at a discount online. It's made of leather by Sportsheets (who makes a lot of great kink sex toys like paddles, crops, restraints, and more). In general, the paddle is well made. The leather is great quality and well cut. The word SLUT is cut-out on one side of the spanking end. The lettering is very precise and there are no stray bits of leather that could stray off of the paddle. The spanking The bright pink is a piece of paper inbetween two pieces of leather that are unattached except to the handle that really help this toy achieve a good slap. The handle is comfortable for my (medium-size) hand to grip for 30-45 minutes at a stretch. The paddle is light weight and does not feel heavy even after prolonged use. The end has a loop for hanging by a string for storage if you choose.

The Sex (for her)
First, as the spanker, I love this paddle. It takes all the sting out of my hands, making spanking much easier to deliver on his ass. This paddle is the right length where I can sit or stand behind him or next to him and give strong, swift strokes. I can vary the hits so they are light and teasing or sharp and stinging. Unfortunately, despite the cut-out of the word SLUT, I could not get the word to show up on his ass no matter how light or hard I smacked him.

Last night he spanked me with this toy for the first time. To my surprise, I was able to handle the hits he gave me pretty well. He had me lay down on the bed, and then started spanking me. He started out with lighter hits, but then moved pretty quickly to sharper, harder blows that left a stinging feeling for the briefest moment. Repeated hits, of course, made it last longer. Each hit made my entire body flinch, so he varied his rhythm to make me  unsure when the next slap would hit me. Only a minute or two passed before he told me my ass was turning quite red. I enjoyed the spanking, but without any clitorial stimulation I doubt I'd cum from him. My spanking only lasted a few minutes with this item before he turned me over and fingered me to orgasm. My ass was definitely sensitive for a few minutes, but no more than that.

Just the right size!

The Sex (for him)
As the spanker, he liked using this. He has spanked me with his hand before and the slaps always sting and hurt so much I try to get away as fast as I can. This toy helps regulate his hitting strength so I can actually enjoy a spanking. We didn't use anything for clitoral or vaginal stimulation with this toy; I think that needs to happen in future use to make it more enjoyable for both of us. Otherwise, just spanking made him a little bored as he really wanted to see me orgasm.

He loves being spanked with this paddle. I make him retrieve it and I remind him how much of a slut he is when I spank him with it. I make him confess his love of cock, cum, boys, trannies, and call him names like sissy, fag, boy-lover, slut, cum-slut, boy-whore, and gay. I love to make him say, "Oh yes I'm a slut! I'm a slut!" as I paddle him over and over. I start out spanking with lighter, shorter slaps that come every so often on his ass. After a bit of a warm up, I'll lube up my free hand and start to jack off his cock while continuing random spanks. Sometimes I'll spank in the same spot over and over, bringing it to a bright red color. Sometimes I'll alternate back and forth pretty quickly to make him wonder how much longer and harder the spanks will go.

His cum spot from one night of spanking

I love to smack him very hard with this paddle. It makes such a loud, satisfying SMACK against his ass and his whole body tries to twitch away. When he's close to orgasm, he begs for "harder, faster, don't stop!!" and its during these moments I can't spank him fast enough. I'm also jacking off his dick hard and fast. In the few times I've dedicated an evening to truly spanking my naughty gay boyfriend, I really smack him hard with this so he is bruised the next day. His orgasms are always strong and covering the bed in a great bit of cum.

The Judgement
Overall, I give this toy a 4/5. It's great for spanking and we love to use it. However, it doesn't leave the impression of the word SLUT which was a hope and a key selling point in this item. If the word did show up, it would have been a 5/5. This is definitely well made and worth the investment if you're wanting to give spanking a try - or just need an alternative to your hand.

TMI Tuesday: The most times

We want to know what things you've done the most times.

1. What sex position have you been in the most times? 

Easy for both of us: Missionary. I personally love this position.

If it's boring, you're doing it wrong!

 It's poorly named (a sign of our Western sexual repression and the influence of Christianity on sex... OK, I'll stop myself from going on a diatribe here) and is considered the "default" or "most common" position. For me, its the most intimate position and has so much variety for this "one" position. My boyfriend is SO good at making this position so good in so many ways... traditional man-fully-on-woman  or him in a plank position above me or kneeling and bending or just kneeling... so much variety for this one way.

2. What book have you read...?

In large, friendly letters, no less.

This is a tough one for me. I think there are three possibilities and they are: The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, Star Wars: The Last Command by Timothy Zahn, and Persuasion  by Jane Austen. Science fiction and classic literature.

3. What move have you watched....?
I think it might be the five-hour BBC version of Pride and Prejudice starring my very favorite Colin Firth. Yum.

The BF's movie is Nick Foley's Greatest Hits and Misses. He likes wrestling. I don't get it.

4. In the last week, who have you texted...?

 No contest, its each other. We text frequently... more than frequently. Pretty much all day when we can.

5. In the last week, what food have you eaten...?

For me, it's cheese. I love cheese. I could do away with dairy forever if cheese were somehow dairy-free. (And no, dairy-free cheese is not an option!)

For him, it's ice cream. He goes through a ton of ice cream!

6. Today, which website have you visited...?

Sadly, for me, it's facebook. I'm on facebook all day as part of my job, and I normally can't help checking on my feed and commenting on people's lives.

For him, it was twitter. He doesn't browse the internet much.

7. When dining out, where have you eaten...?

For me, I would guess Taco Bell. It was the fast food of choice growing up and is still a favorite of mine today (questionable beef and all).

For him, it's a chain called Garfield's... I've never been, and upon writing this I've discovered we live within a reasonable distance of one. Perhaps we need to go sometime.

8. Which sex toy have you used...?

Easy. My bullet vibe! It's seriously one of the best inventions out there! I always cum very hard with it. It's the default if I need/want to cum after we've finished oral/penetration sex, or if I'm having a hard time having an orgasm due to fatigue.

We debated over the answer for the BF. We think the answer is the Siren dildo that we use most of the time to fuck him with. Or he fucks himself with it.

Bonus:  Is there something you’d love to go back and relive in your sexual past?
My first reaction is to say no, not really. I certainly have nothing I want to relive prior to the boyfriend (actually, if I would, then it would be to stand up for myself and declare I am not broken because I smell like a woman does "down there"!). But then I really started to think about this, and the one experience I'd love to relive is the sweetest, most beautiful sex we've ever shared. But that doesn't happen often, and it shouldn't. That's what makes it so special.

The boyfriend, he really misses giving head to a guy. (This answer took less than a second to answer from him).

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Formspring Friday: Turn-ons

Q. What one thing turns you on the most in a partner?
Physically? Hands. Its the first thing I notice in a male partner (I'll get to you ladies in a second.) I love a set of strong male hands. Masculine fingers, shorter, well-maintained (read: trimmed and clean) fingernails. I don't like skinny or girly hands on men - its very unattractive. I have a coworker who has very girly hands and I can't look at them without a little bit of "ew." Not all hands are manly to me - I'm not really sure how to describe it in words, so a pic to hopefully illustrate my ideal:

These are the first hands I ever noticed. HOT.

Now for women, the first thing I notice is your general body shape. I look at the curves... Are the hips wider or at least the same width as shoulders? Curves of the breasts from the front, from the side. Thighs to ass, ass to back. Pelvis to stomach and legs. Stomach to breasts. I look at all of it. There's not one shape or type I like - I'm pretty varied. All of the women I post on my tumblr are ones that I find attractive in some way.

Yes, curves like this. Beautiful.

Now, if we're not talking physical attraction, then I'd say confidence. Nothing is sexier than a man or woman who knows who they are and isn't afraid to hide it. Since I've only had relationships with men, I can tell you that they have all been extremely confident. I love it when a man knows he is the best and shows it. It's sexy.

My BF's answer to this is probably: feet. (I asked, he couldn't decide... after some talking and reflection we settled on feet). He is the only man I know who looks at the shoes of everyone we pass... he always knows what shoes people are wearing before I've even registered the color of their shirt. And, come to think of it, my feet were the first picture I sent to him by request.