Wednesday, January 23, 2013

He wants me to date a woman

I'm a bisexual woman. I want the opportunity to play with partners of both sexes. This is a topic my FHF and I have discussed at length. We've agreed that while our relationship is primary, the other is allowed, permitted, and encouraged to find partners of the opposite sex to play with.

Occasionally I browse craigslist just to see what people are looking for. That led to our first threesome last fall where I got to witness him sucking off penis and having his sucked by another guy. I pegged the guest and my FHF ate me out. It was fun, but the focus was certainly not me. I loved doing a lot of the observing.

I haven't even considered contacting any of the women's ads I see on craigslist.

That's now how I want it to happen. I'm not a casual sex person. It just doesn't compute. I can't go from the first hello to first kiss in minutes or even hours. I need to know who you are, what makes you tick. I need to know that you're attracted to me in mind and body. And I need to know your mind well enough to see if I'm attracted to you. I've discussed before that I might be a demisexual. (So, while I may see sexy and attraction, but I don't have sexual attraction until I know your personality).

I've discussed this with the FHF and he understands. Initially our agreement for opposite-sex play was that the non-play partner would be allowed to be present. We were both OK with this deal.... but now that I'm learning about how I attract to people, I've asked him to consider letting me have my space.

I need time. I need to date the person, you could say, and take things out our pace, whatever that may be. One day he may be invited to watch (I really hope she will let him watch, or even let him join in). However, he's agreed that he doesn't have to observe.

In fact, today, he told me that when I'm done travelling on business in a couple of weeks, that I should start looking for a local potential partner. I scoffed at finding someone in my area and just connecting. And then he said: "Well, meet for coffee. Start dating her. But I want you to find someone. I think you need it."

Four years ago I learned about polyamory. I thought it was perfect for me as a bisexual woman who has a desire to have caring sexual encounters with both sexes. And now, it seems that my FHF and I are possibly heading that way.

Whatever it turns out to be, I'm so happy to have a partner who is so supportive and willing to discuss and renegotiate our relationship as we change together.

1 comment:

  1. I am glad that you have a partner like that as well. It's so important to be supported.