Wednesday, April 11, 2012

What's love got to do with it?

We've all probably heard that line sung by Whitney Houston. What's love got to do with it? That was a small topic of discussion for me on twitter earlier this week. It started as a topic of who I thought ate pussy better: men or women? Well, even though I'm bi, I've never been with a girl... so I can't weigh in on this topic.

My guess is that a woman can, because familiarity with the equipment makes for a better user of that equipment, right? The questioner then disclosed he thought guys gave better head for the same reason and he had experienced both sexes.

So I asked the boyfriend to weigh in - he's experienced both. He said its been a long time since he's had a guy give him a BJ - too long to give an honest comparison. But then he continued well beyond the theoretical situation with a dose of reality. He said, "But to really answer the question, the sex and head you get is only as good as the love you share with the person, no matter their sex.... the more in love you become with someone the more you will enjoy it. And if there is no love, its meaningless and won't feel nearly as good."

Wow... I completely and totally agree with him on this, but I haven't heard him say this before. For me, sex and love go hand in hand and I can't separate them. That's a major reason why I've only had sex with two people in my life - love has to be there for me to be intimate with someone. It's not just about physical pleasure, its about physical pleasure and an emotional connection. I can't give you access to the "goods" if you know and care nothing for my mind.

The boyfriend and I tell each other "I love you" countless times every day. It never gets old and we can never hear it enough. Sometimes we'll respond with "How much?" or "Oh really? Are you sure?" out of fun -- and to see how the other responds. This morning after a wonderful round of sex and cuddling that was full of kisses, he told me he loved me. And I asked "How much?" He paused. Then his answer, one I've never heard before, was this:

"Enough to cum in you, and never worry."

There's a lot to be said in that statement. We're secure in our physical health and we're not concerned about the possibility of a baby*. There's a lot of trust and love in this relationship. Its the best relationship either of us have had. And we tell the other person. There's no hiding what we want, what we like, what we need. Its open and honest all the time, not in specific windows.

And this blog is proof of that, I think. The sex is fucking incredible. He's had a TON more sex than I have (way more than I'd really like to ever know about, really)... but its never been more pleasurable or wonderful as its been with me. He's done the sex before love, the fuck because you want it, and the relationship only exists for sex... its all failed with a lot of hurt and misery all around. For some I'm sure that's OK and it works for you. I'm not saying anything about you - I'm talking about us.

For us, love in friendship is that ingredient that makes the whole recipe work. And we like it that way. For us, love is pretty much the whole thing. Without it, there is no us.

*I am on a birth control pill and we never use condoms. Before we even had sex we discussed the possibility of a pregnancy from sex (really if you're having sex, its always a possibility and you should always consider your options first!). We had always agreed that if it happens, it happens and we'll celebrate it. (For me it would really be a wonderful thing considering my chances are super low anyway, but that's besides the point here.)


  1. Um, Tina Turner, actually. :)

    1. *Horribly embarassed* Thank you for pointing that out... As I tweeted, my pop culture ignorance is showing!

  2. To me, love (or at least a minimal emotional investment) makes sex better in two ways: I truly care about whether I am pleasing my lover, and the time spent cuddling after orgasm is that much more satisfying.

  3. I adore this post! It's a great example of what a true, healthy, loving relationship is. Congrats to you both for having what so many wish for.

  4. "The boyfriend and I tell each other 'I love you' countless times every day. It never gets old and we can never hear it enough. Sometimes we'll respond with 'How much?' or 'Oh really? Are you sure?' out of fun -- and to see how the other responds."

    This is beautiful. May your relationship always be this close, this playful.

  5. As I read your blog more and more, I am in awe of your relationship and I can only hope that I find a mate who accepts me and my kinks as unconditionally as yours does. Great post.

    1. Thank you Dru - we certainly hope the same thing for you. I'm sure the partner for you is out there.