Friday, June 29, 2012

Formspring Friday: Self acceptance and Pegging

Q. I know this is supposed to be for questions, but I just wanted to thank you for doing this blog. I've had issues believing in myself, and that someone out there would find me attractive. Your blog has inspired me to not give up and keep moving forward.
I'm so glad to hear your confidence is growing! I'm so happy to hear the feedback, even if it is anonymous. I used to feel the same way, in fact I've had quite a journey of self-acceptance as you can reading in "Being sex positive part 1" and "part two." I've learned that the world is full of people who enjoy a variety of things; we all can find someone (or many someones) who find you attractive. If anything, I would say a lack of self-confidence is holding you back more than any physical quality you're unsure of.

Believe in yourself! I hope you find someone who can help you, but realize the world is a big place and if you haven't found someone yet, there's always tomorrow. (Cheesy and cliched message aside, I REALLY mean that!). Find what you do like about yourself and then find reasons to like more of you. I've had terrible confidence in my body for years, but man does my BF love every bit of me, even the parts I'm not so fond of. But they are a part of me - And I rock.

I'm not sure if you're male/female/other or what in particular has you concerned, but check out these tumblr lists for some body-positive views: - dedicated to the smaller penises in the world - showing the variety of vulva's in the world and - both dedicated to the "chubby" and BBW's  - celebrating small boobs! Small boobs are beautiful. - Redheads and gingers only - and boy are they adored - real life amateur sex shots of anyone - geek girls! - probably my favorite tumblr voice on being body positive and OK with the body you have - thin, skinny, chubby, fat, whatever!

I'm sure there are plenty more out there that I haven't seen. Trust me, you're sexy and someone out there is looking for you. Don't give up!

Q. I want my wife to peg me, but I don't think she'll be into it. Any advice?
I have a ton of advice!

First - TALK to her about it. Tell her what you want, why you want it, when you want to do it, how you'd like to do it. There's no need for flip charts or presentations, but just say it. Until you do, it will be this big thing in your mind and all you will do is think of how big and how wrong it might be.

Communication is key.  If you can't talk about why you want it,  you'll never make it to selecting the toys or even trying it together for the first time. Talk, talk talk.

It shouldn't be a "I need you to do this for me" or "Guess what we're going to try..." Don't assume she's a yes, but also don't assume she'll freak out on you and say no to it. Approach it as "I've been thinking..." or "Lately I've thought about..." and just spill it. Don't use euphemisms or avoid words like "peg" "fuck" "ass" "dildo." It might lead to confusion. You want this: own it. Show confidence in why you want to do this, but more importantly why HER involvement is so important to you. There are few things sexier than a man telling you why he wants YOU to do something with him.

Anything beyond talking will depend on how the talk with your wife goes. She may be excited, she might be uncertain, or it could freak her out. Whatever her reaction is, don't react out of anger or disappointment. She might need time to think about it and consider it. She may need to do research to realize it is done A LOT, just no one talks about it.

This is a dialogue, keep it that way. Reacting and starting an argument will only make the topic that much more controversial and result in a dislike of it. Just be patient.

Make it a point to talk about her wants and desires. Hopefully this isn't the first open and honest talk about sex you've had -- so you should have some topics of your own. What would she like to try? How often do you use toys on her? Make this an exciting thing for you both to discover.

If she's up for it, send her to some blogs like my own that talk about pegging from a woman's perspective so she can see it for herself. Above all, make sure she knows its about you and you want to experience it with her.

If it doesn't go well, don't hold it against her. Not everyone is into everything. Things might change down the road or they may not. If not, then I guess you'll be buying some dildos or plugs to use on your own!


  1. The first question is great, and just goes to show how much blogging can affect people in ways that hadn't occurred to us. On behalf of this person and all the others, thank you for doing what you do. You are one of the most positive - if not THE most positive - bloggers that we read and we appreciate your efforts. If the world wasn't seemingly such a shallow, hive-minded place dedicated to shaming everyone who doesn't look a certain way, it wouldn't be necessary. Thank you for the Tumblr links. We are going to follow all of them immediately.

  2. That first question was from me, thankyou so much for replying! it means a lot to hear from both of you. Oh, and im male:). well i think i was the last time i checked...yup still there.

    Recently i started poetry at the request of a special friend and i thought this would fit the theme of your blog.


    Desire taken, impotent fire awaken
    my veins surge and flow
    your absence a body blow

    A mind endlessly enslaved
    to passion con-caved
    endless thoughts, mentally touched
    release aborted

    I touch a feeling deep inside
    reality lost, pleasure divide
    half of me has left me high
    the other half dry

    At last it seems our paths connect
    no longer approval roulette
    we toss and turn together wildly
    bodies pressed, love expressed

    Panting spent elation
    pleasure gravitation

    1. Wow, I love the poem - well said! I'm so glad you were able to share your concerns and I hope you find and see that hope. Thank you for sharing that part of you with us.