Showing posts with label limits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label limits. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

He spanked me til I cried

"We need a safeword."

"Ok. Pick one."

"I can't think of anything! I'm nervous."

"Well, you need to pick so you'll remember it."

"Ok." My heart was pounding. I'd never picked a safeword for myself. I don't allow myself to be vulnerable like that. But I had asked for this, and I wanted it.

Safeword chosen, I stripped and laid face down on the bed. I peeked up at him.

He had the riding crop in his hand. Oh. So not open palm like we've tried before. Instead of widespread pain like I had only experienced one other time, this was to be a series of sharp, stinging, small painful hits. I hadn't thought about this.

"Relax." Yeah, like that was going to happen. I tried not to tense my body. I held my face in my hands and waited.

He knelt on the bed beside me, crop in hand. There was no warning, just a light swish of air as the crop hit my right butt cheek. My body flinched. He hadn't hit very hard, but hard enough to cross the line to a little bit of pain. He didn't wait too long before the next hit on my left cheek. He alternated between hits and watched my body do little flinches of surprised, painful response.

I hoped he wouldn't tell me not to flinch. I wasn't ready for that yet.

The hits started to come harder. Most of the time he alternated cheeks, but randomly he would strike the same cheek, in what felt like the same spot, and it would hurt. A lot. I let my whimpers and moans be heard. But I knew this only spurred him on.

The slaps of the crop stung and left my skin with this warming feeling. I was no longer worrying about whether or not to control my flinching. It was out of the question. He wasn't waiting for me to settle down or prepare for the next. It was already happening before the sting of the first stopped.

He paused a moment to kiss my red cheeks. "So beautiful," he breathed against my skin. "So warm." My breath shuddered. He resumed spanking me with the crop. 

My hands gripped my head, pulling slightly at my hair. I bit my lip and tried to breath through the pain. He made my spread my legs and hit my ass near my inner upper thigh. I howled with pain after two sharp hits. I pulled my legs shut, so happy I hadn't suggested restraints. I couldn't handle many blows like that.

With my legs closed, he returned to my ass and started hitting three sharp whacks to the same spot, and then changing. It hurt so bad my whole body started twisting away from him in pain. Tears started falling down my cheeks; I've never started crying so fast.

I heard him jerking off with his free hand. He liked it so much. In a frenzy of emotions, I tried to process how I was letting this happen, why I had asked for this, how he could be turned on by it, and just how I knew that my cries and tears (definitely audible to him) would all turn him on more than I probably wanted to know.

He made me spin away from him several more times. He didn't always let me get back to laying on my stomach before he hit me again. I cried and yelled my pain. The tears helped me through it.

Finally, he stopped and I was happy. I'd almost used the safeword, but now that it was over I was happy I had endured. Happy despite the pain and falling tears.

I'd never felt so vulnerable. I laid there as he put the crop away and I continued crying. So many emotions that I couldn't understand were washing through me.

He returned to the bed and laid beside me, one hand stroking my hair and the other holding my hands in his. He was so gentle. I was so raw and tender and he looked on me with such love. I don't remember what he said. He comforted me, held me, and supported me.

He let me cry my tears. He soothed me and held me as the emotions slowly evaporated away. I ended up laying on his chest, resting. Eventually, I asked about how much he had enjoyed spanking me and hearing me cry. He hadn't come, but his continued boner told me how much he was still turned on.

I laid on his chest as he jerked off. He held my head against him and told me how beautiful I was and how he wanted to do it again.
Taken after he had jacked off. Still  a little pink.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Limits

We all have limits. I haven't thought a lot about my hard limits. I've written a lot about what I will do... but what won't I do?

I read a great blog post about humiliation in the D/s relationship by Sir Stompsalot where he discusses looking at limits for humiliation in the relationship. This is what I love about reading blogs: You learn about others, but you learn a LOT about yourself.

For example, I have a hard limit when it comes to touching a toilet, a dumpster, the wall of a public alley. I am a germaphobe. But even if you scrub the toilet (or, in the case of a D/s scenario, make me scrub the toilet) and it's clean for me to use: I still don't want to touch it. It's a toilet. Having me put my head or hands on the toilet? Squick.

Any part of my flesh touching an alley wall? Squick.

I can't handle it. I will say no. I will freak out and cry and I will never ever be OK with you making me do that.

Other limits?

Clowns. They freak me out. I've had no bad experiences with them and no, I've never seen "It." But, I've had several nightmares that I still vividly remember where clowns were killing my friends and/or trying to kill me. It was horrifying and clowns+sex will never be a mix I can handle. The BF, I will note, is very sad about this as he thinks clowns are sexy....

Needles. Having my blood drawn nearly makes me faint. Having an IV is a constant mental torture. Needles and sex? No... no no...

Choking. This doesn't appeal to me in the least. It doesn't feel sexy, sweet, or loving. It doesn't turn me on. I only feel panic and pain.

Breath play. Do you want me to have a full blown panic attack? It won't take much. And then I won't be able to calm down and then we will have serious problems. Breath play is, perhaps, more terrifying than needles to me.

Anal fisting. I love vaginal fisting... but when I see a pic of a girl fisting her own asshole on tumblr, I'm turned off. It's not sexy at all to me. I also don't like the idea of being stretched soo wide. I like anal play - but the biggest thing I ever plan taking in my ass is my BF's cock.

Anal hooks. AGH I WANT TO FREAK OUT. All I can think of is the ball of the hook pressing my colon up and arching it in a way that it doesn't normally go. And I like my colon too much to do that.

Sex in a public bathroom. This goes back to my toilet remarks above, but do you know what people do in there? People I don't know? I don't know who cleaned it and how... No. I can't be naked. If my clothes touch the floor they don't touch the carpet in my house.