Formspring Friday: Self acceptance and Pegging

Q. I know this is supposed to be for questions, but I just wanted to thank you for doing this blog. I've had issues believing in myself, and that someone out there would find me attractive. Your blog has inspired me to not give up and keep moving forward.
I'm so glad to hear your confidence is growing! I'm so happy to hear the feedback, even if it is anonymous. I used to feel the same way, in fact I've had quite a journey of self-acceptance as you can reading in "Being sex positive part 1" and "part two." I've learned that the world is full of people who enjoy a variety of things; we all can find someone (or many someones) who find you attractive. If anything, I would say a lack of self-confidence is holding you back more than any physical quality you're unsure of.

Believe in yourself! I hope you find someone who can help you, but realize the world is a big place and if you haven't found someone yet, there's always tomorrow. (Cheesy and cliched message aside, I REALLY mean that!). Find what you do like about yourself and then find reasons to like more of you. I've had terrible confidence in my body for years, but man does my BF love every bit of me, even the parts I'm not so fond of. But they are a part of me - And I rock.

I'm not sure if you're male/female/other or what in particular has you concerned, but check out these tumblr lists for some body-positive views:

http://unhungheroes.tumblr.com/ - dedicated to the smaller penises in the world
http://lovemyvagina.tumblr.com/ - showing the variety of vulva's in the world
http://onlycutechubbygirls.tumblr.com/ and http://onlycutechubbygirlsxxx.tumblr.com/ - both dedicated to the "chubby" and BBW's
http://boobsmall.tumblr.com/  - celebrating small boobs! Small boobs are beautiful.
http://redaddict.tumblr.com/ - Redheads and gingers only - and boy are they adored
http://txperv.tumblr.com/ - real life amateur sex shots of anyone
http://fuckyeahgeekgirls.com/ - geek girls!
http://samberrilicious.tumblr.com/ - probably my favorite tumblr voice on being body positive and OK with the body you have - thin, skinny, chubby, fat, whatever!

I'm sure there are plenty more out there that I haven't seen. Trust me, you're sexy and someone out there is looking for you. Don't give up!

Q. I want my wife to peg me, but I don't think she'll be into it. Any advice?
I have a ton of advice!

First - TALK to her about it. Tell her what you want, why you want it, when you want to do it, how you'd like to do it. There's no need for flip charts or presentations, but just say it. Until you do, it will be this big thing in your mind and all you will do is think of how big and how wrong it might be.

Communication is key.  If you can't talk about why you want it,  you'll never make it to selecting the toys or even trying it together for the first time. Talk, talk talk.

It shouldn't be a "I need you to do this for me" or "Guess what we're going to try..." Don't assume she's a yes, but also don't assume she'll freak out on you and say no to it. Approach it as "I've been thinking..." or "Lately I've thought about..." and just spill it. Don't use euphemisms or avoid words like "peg" "fuck" "ass" "dildo." It might lead to confusion. You want this: own it. Show confidence in why you want to do this, but more importantly why HER involvement is so important to you. There are few things sexier than a man telling you why he wants YOU to do something with him.

Anything beyond talking will depend on how the talk with your wife goes. She may be excited, she might be uncertain, or it could freak her out. Whatever her reaction is, don't react out of anger or disappointment. She might need time to think about it and consider it. She may need to do research to realize it is done A LOT, just no one talks about it.

This is a dialogue, keep it that way. Reacting and starting an argument will only make the topic that much more controversial and result in a dislike of it. Just be patient.

Make it a point to talk about her wants and desires. Hopefully this isn't the first open and honest talk about sex you've had -- so you should have some topics of your own. What would she like to try? How often do you use toys on her? Make this an exciting thing for you both to discover.

If she's up for it, send her to some blogs like my own that talk about pegging from a woman's perspective so she can see it for herself. Above all, make sure she knows its about you and you want to experience it with her.

If it doesn't go well, don't hold it against her. Not everyone is into everything. Things might change down the road or they may not. If not, then I guess you'll be buying some dildos or plugs to use on your own!

Formspring Friday: Turn-ons

Q. What one thing turns you on the most in a partner?
Physically? Hands. Its the first thing I notice in a male partner (I'll get to you ladies in a second.) I love a set of strong male hands. Masculine fingers, shorter, well-maintained (read: trimmed and clean) fingernails. I don't like skinny or girly hands on men - its very unattractive. I have a coworker who has very girly hands and I can't look at them without a little bit of "ew." Not all hands are manly to me - I'm not really sure how to describe it in words, so a pic to hopefully illustrate my ideal:

These are the first hands I ever noticed. HOT.

Now for women, the first thing I notice is your general body shape. I look at the curves... Are the hips wider or at least the same width as shoulders? Curves of the breasts from the front, from the side. Thighs to ass, ass to back. Pelvis to stomach and legs. Stomach to breasts. I look at all of it. There's not one shape or type I like - I'm pretty varied. All of the women I post on my tumblr are ones that I find attractive in some way.

Yes, curves like this. Beautiful.

Now, if we're not talking physical attraction, then I'd say confidence. Nothing is sexier than a man or woman who knows who they are and isn't afraid to hide it. Since I've only had relationships with men, I can tell you that they have all been extremely confident. I love it when a man knows he is the best and shows it. It's sexy.

My BF's answer to this is probably: feet. (I asked, he couldn't decide... after some talking and reflection we settled on feet). He is the only man I know who looks at the shoes of everyone we pass... he always knows what shoes people are wearing before I've even registered the color of their shirt. And, come to think of it, my feet were the first picture I sent to him by request.

Formspring Friday: Masturbation

Q. How often do you masturbate?
I don't masturbate very often but this wasn't always the case. When I first discovered my clitoris and how much fun it was to play with (I think I was 12) I masturbated every day until I got to college at 17... I slept in the top bunk and any masturbation was audible from the creaking of the bunk bed, so I only got the option when she wasn't in the room. That's not so easy when your roommate sleeps 16 hours a day and flunks out due to sheer laziness. (Once I had my own room my senior year it was, of course, much easier and pursued much more often... aided with phone sex and porn and erotica.) But really, once I had a boyfriend it was easier to get my horny needs appeased through whatever physical activity we could manage at a college where dorms were same-sex only.

Fast forward to now, where my sex life is incredibly active, and I just don't masturbate very often. It's not that I don't enjoy it - I do. I love to touch myself. I love to play with my clit. My favorite method of masturbation is to use just my right hand, my right middle finger especially. Its the best and most reliable way to 'get off.'

But if I have a choice of playing with myself or having my boyfriend's touch? I choose his touch. I cum better and harder than I do on my own. That's mostly because I can't tease myself like he does. He loves to torture my clit if he's paying special attention to it via oral or a hand job. If we're using my bullet vibe (my favorite way to clit orgasm) and he controls the vibration control and makes it last, and prolong beyond what I would ever do to myself. There are still times when I want nothing more than to just play with myself and just my fingers. Nothing feels like your skin on you, controlling you.

When I masturbate, I fantasize. Touching myself alone does not work. I have to imagine something happening to me. I have a few favorite scenarios that I will play and vary in my head. If I can't concentrate on them, then I can't and won't cum. I need that fantasy in my mind or I can touch myself forever and not get off.

The boyfriend is a different answer. I am usually at work when we wakes up, and he normally wakes up horny, so he masturbates a several days a week. He masturbates on my side of the bed, or in front of his computer. Normally with his computer he'll watch some form of porn - gay and shemale are his favorite. Sometimes he tells me about it, sometimes he doesn't. I almost always assume he's masturbated during the day.... I like it when he waits for me, but I'm never upset if he doesn't.

And now, after thinking about this, I'm going to go play with myself...

 Want to ask me a question? Just head to formspring.me/billikesscifi and ask anything you want. Really. Anything. Try me. I'll answer the following Friday.

Formspring Friday: Age limits in attraction

Q. When it comes to romantic involvement or sexual attraction/activity, do you have an upper or lower age limit?
Yes, I definitely do. I prefer an age range very close to my own. Younger I would only go a couple of years. Older I'd be OK up to 5. Any more than that and I feel that we're too far apart and your viewpoints in life. I've been in three "relationships" and my first two were with men who were about 2 years older than me. My BF is a year younger than me.

Age is generally a number to me. I've always been more mature than my age and ahead of my peers in life, so going younger was never an option before the BF. I've never wanted to go up too far in age. It seemed weird or uncomfortable. If you look like you could be the older sibling of my partner, I start to distance. It's just not for me.

Now, that is all addressed toward a relationship. If you're talking just romantic involvement, like a potential future girlfriend for me, then the age limits increase in both directions by a few years.

I posed the same question to my BF, and his answer was exactly what I expected. He said as long as they're 18 and legal or younger than 60, that's all that matters to him. His range of sexual attraction is quite wide and varied.


Q. Other than on the lips, what is your favorite place to be kissed?
For me, my second favorite place to be kissed is on the side of my neck. Or the bottom of my feet. Both places turn me on very much with very little touch. Both are very intimate touches. My neck can be kissed during a hug or during sex... my feet are normally kissed while we are cuddling on the couch or in bed or having sex.

My BF's answer is, simply, "on my penis." Yeah, I could have predicted that.

Formspring Friday: Naked pictures of me

Q. Why haven't you posted any hot nude photos of yourself? We know you're gorgeous and we want to see!
Interesting question. Aside from my twitter profile picture, the only photos of me on this blog are, so far, my feet and a flash of my boobs. Despite posting about my change in self-confidence and being in a sex-positive relationship, I'll admit to be unhappy with the state of my body right now... to the point that I don't like showing it to anyone but the BF.

 

 

 

 

 

BF's reaction is kinda like this. Or it feels like this to me.

 The BF's reaction to my body is undeniable attraction. He can't keep his hands off me, and when I flash my body or dress scantily around the house, he loves it.  I can't get enough of his reactions to me. But does that mean I'm comfortable when I look in the mirror? No, not really. I can see beauty and even better, the potential of beauty. I take a picture I think will be sexy -- but I see a lot of flaws.

I told the BF about this question, and he wanted to also know my reason. Why hadn't I? As far as he's concerned, I can post everything except my face. He thinks I'm beautiful and sexy, what's not to like? When I told him it was because I didn't like the flaws, he didn't know what I meant. What flaws?  Well, the fat and the stretch marks I have. He said, "Honey, those aren't flaws... those are a beautiful parts of you."

Well, until I can see that or I'm more comfortable showing more parts of me, they will remain a mystery I think. I do like to play with the camera... a few weeks ago when I took the bathtub photos of my feet I took a bunch more of my body for the BF - lots of pussy shots just for him.  The other night I took out the camera while he and I were both in lingerie and we got some terrific shots of my boobs.

My boobs are about the only part of me I'm comfortable sharing right now - cause they are fantastic. Perhaps my pussy will one day make an appearance... I'm not sure why I'm stuck on this idea that it has to be "perfect" to post. In the pictures I have its unshaven about three weeks after my last Brazilian wax, so its kind of hairy. I'm not sure why it has to be either full bush or bare for me to think its share-worthy. Truth is, I love my pussy regardless of the amount of hair. And so does the BF. I'll have to think about that.

But for now, a boob pic for you to enjoy:

Yes, my boobs are filling the cup area and spilling out the top.

 Want to ask me a question? Just head to formspring.me/billikesscifi and ask anything you want. Really. Anything. Try me. I'll answer the following Friday.

Formspring Friday: Problems orgasming during sex

Q. Hello... I have trouble having an orgasm through having sex, and oral. I use vibrators a lot in my spare time and wondered if there was a way I could get my orgasms back through having sex... any suggestions?
First things first - if you don't cum through penetrative sex, you are 100% normal and this is WAY more common than being able to cum from penis-in-vagina sex. Most women will never cum from vaginal penetration alone. (Are you listening - male partners of the world?) So if its not happening, don't be surprised and don't feel bad! Be honest if you can't cum this way - your partner needs to know how to make you cum. You know your body best, so be straightforward. There's nothing wrong with a little tutorial in giving a good handjob or how to use a vibrator on you. There's no reason why you can't have an orgasm with a partner, but its up to you to communicate what works for you.

This position + toy on your clit would be good to try

From the last part of your question it sounds like you used to cum through vaginal penetration, but are unable to do so now. You do cum through vibration - I'm assuming on your clit or a combo of vaginal/clit stimulation. So you know how to make yourself cum - now its getting you to cum with a partner, preferably while having penetrative sex with your partner. Perhaps you need to add some clitoral stimulation to sex. This can be done with fingers or sex toys.

Clit + dick = awesome

Positions: If you're in missionary, he can reach down and place a hand to help grind against you. You can use a cock ring with a vibrating bullet to stimulate you while he thrusts or grinds. You can also use a larger toy like a bullet vibe, finger vibe, or handheld vibe to hit the right spot. You can reach your own hand down to masturbate yourself while he's fucking you. Your partner can also shift their position on you so he/she is higher up on your pelvis and could possibly grind against your clit (this works wonders on me, personally).

One of the best positions is cowgirl, where you sit on top and ride him. You control the angle and the amount of penetration. This is the best position to get your clit involved - or have a toy positioned to ride against it. You can also try doggy style with a cock ring flipped around and aimed at your clit. Your partner can reach around you to manually rub your clit while you're being fucked.

Great way to please you both!

Now let's talk about oral sex. Not everyone can cum from oral sex. (If this surprises you, that's OK!) Oral sex is highly sensual and arousing - but it may not offer enough stimulation to cum from it. Maybe your partner just needs some tips - and that's ok. Here are a couple of links that give some great advice. First, my personal favorite (and the best advice I've ever seen on the subject) and then some tips from the blogging world from real-life people, and another, more basic approach.

Eye contact - wonderful.

Some women require stronger, more direct stimulation on their clit in order to cum. My advice then: try adding some fingers to the mix to stimulate your clit or vagina or both. Use a vibrator or dildo in your vagina while your partner goes down on you. Its your body and you'll know what's getting you there or not. If you still can't orgasm - they enjoy it still! It will still be wonderful and incredible and highly erotic. When you want to orgasm, have your partner switch to a toy or technique that will get you there.

So what if none of this works - then incorporate your current toys that do work and show your partner how to use them. Explore, try things out, talk, work together on it. After all, practice makes perfect.

Want to ask me a question? Just head to formspring.me/billikesscifi and ask anything you want. Really. Anything. Try me. I'll answer the following Friday.

Formspring Friday: Enjoying anal sex

Q. Do you enjoy anal sex?
I'm going to answer this in term of receiving and giving (even though I'm pretty sure you're only talking about receiving). My short answer is: yes. And yes.

I've done anal sex a few times. The first time, I did not enjoy it. We went too fast, we didn't start small and then work up to his dick, we just started dick in. It hurt and I was sore the next couple of days.

Then I did some research, and next time we went slower, and eased into it. It was easier, and this time it did feel good, different good. I didn't get off on it, but I enjoyed it. Another time, I used my bullet vibe on my clip and was able to cum - and WOW, a whole new level of orgasm.

Another way I've enjoyed anal is having the BF's dick in my pussy, and a slim silicone dildo in my ass that he fucks me with. That felt amazingly good!

As for giving, yes, I love to peg my BF with a dildo. If you've followed my blog at all, you've seen that in this post about our favorite dildo.

Want to ask me a question? Just head to formspring.me/billikesscifi and ask anything you want. Really. Anything. Try me. I'll answer the following Friday.

Formspring Friday: Penis size

Q. What is your opinion on penis size?
I'm glad you asked for my opinion - because there is no right answer. I have a friend who says, "If it doesn't hurt, then it's not worth it!" I'm NOT that kind of gal. So, let me give you some history, and then my thoughts.

I am in my mid-20's, and have only had experience with 2 penis's. Surprised? I'm not sure if its rare/typical, each person has their story. My first penis was the smaller one - I'd call it 5 inches from what I remember. I call it the "smaller" one because that's what it is - smaller than what I have now. That being said, its actually the average length for a penis. My BF's penis is about 8 inches. Yes - that is a big step up, and I honestly love it. I can take him balls deep in my pussy, but I can't deep throat him all the way - my gag reflex is still trying to cope with the length. At 8inches I can grip his dick with both hands (one on top of another covering as much dick as possible) and still have the head showing.


So is bigger better? No, not necessarily. In my experience its what you DO with what you have that is way more important than what you have. I don't care if you have a 10 inch thick penis - if you are clueless on how to please a women, or how to even ask how to please her, then I'm probably not going to be satisfied. One thing I like about my BF is that he can make me cum just by fucking me. It's probably a combination of penis-length (I love being filled) and technique... but I'd say technique is more important. He certainly knows how to fuck with his whole body - its not just thrusting, but its kissing and hands and talk and positions and leverage and placement. Everything.

 What about girth? Girth is important. Too skinny, and you might feel like you're a dick flapping in a sticky, wet, wind tunnel. Too wide, and you might not get very far without a ton of lube and foreplay - and for some girls even that is too much. I had a friend who had to ice her pussy after the first several times with a guy - he was just too wide for her. (Don't worry my girthy friends, they were able to work it out and are together.) Is there a perfect girth? I have no idea. I really can't answer this - it might vary by girl, it might vary by experience. I'm happy with my BF's girth - it fills me up, fucks me to no end, and can just fit in my mouth (sometimes it does get too big where I can barely get it in, I will say).

OK - penis size. You know what, I don't think it matters. Infinitely more important is your confidence, paying attention to her satisfaction, and learning how she can and likes to cum. All of that trumps size... size is relative and it really depends on the lady. When I was with the smaller dick, I would cum during sex with clit stimulation while being fucked. Even today they remain the best intercourse orgasms.

Worried? Stop it. Just fuck him/her already.

Formspring Sunday #1

Q. What prompted you to start blogging?
I decided to start blogging for a couple of reasons. I had been tweeting my sex life for several months and having a blast doing it. Several people had told me how much they loved reading my tweets and wanted more. I was a little frustrated about the character limit for tweeting about sex - its certainly a challenge sometimes. Sometimes I wanted to tell more - tweeting is restrictive, a blog would allow so much more detail. And I am having so much fun blogging now.

Q. What is your favorite type of panty u wear and which brand do you buy the most?
So you want to know about my panties, huh? That's a little pervy, but I'm ok with that. Well, my favorite type of panty to wear is the boyshort. I love the way they hug my hips. During the summer I'm usually found lounging in boyshort panties and a thin tank or T-shirt (no bra, of course). I don't have a favorite brand of boyshort panties - I normally just buy them at Target.

Now other underwear, specifically thongs, I have 2 favorite brands. First, Fredericks because they are very sexy and come in many awesome varieties (for example, the "cage back naughty knicker" that I own in black). My other brand is another Target purchase - Gillian O'Malley because the material is the softest, smoothest, most wonderful fabric you can ever have in a panty. And when its wet, its so fucking sexy to touch.

Q. What is your panty size at Victoria's Secret? What style of VS panty is your fav?
Well I haven't shopped at VS in several years - mostly because their bra's don't fit me, so why bother? My panty size is a large, and I would go for the cheeky or boyshort or thong. When you asked your question I went looking at their catalog and I may need to do some shopping there soon! 



Want to ask me a question? Just head to formspring.me/bilikesscifi and ask anything you want. Really. Anything. Try me. I'll answer the following Sunday.