When I want to start having sex

On twitter, @Saynine asked the question - does anyone wait 6 dates or more for sex? He had seen this response on OK Cupid and was a little surprised at the length of time. A very respectful, healthy discussion followed among a large group of people. On the whole, most people had sex earlier than six dates.  Their reason? Sexual compatibility before emotional compatibility.

For me, this just doesn't jive. I can't actually imagine having my priorities that way. Just thinking about approaching life that way makes my brain say, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT! THAT'S CRAZY!" Ok, calm down brain. I'm not asking you to change who you are. At least I know my mental/emotional limits.

I have absolutely nothing against someone who can live life successfully this way - really. I fully respect people are different and can have sex on the first date and end up happy together (just like @saynine and a bunch of other twitter people have). For me, it's just not how I approach life and relationships. That conversation happened early 8 hours ago but I haven't stopped thinking about it.

Why did so many feel comfortable with sex on the first date when it seemed so few responded that that was too soon? Does my background/upbringing impact this more than I realize? Why, exactly, do I feel so strongly against this?

Let's start with a few disclaimers.

1. First, as I've mentioned several times, I've only had 2 sexual partners. My experience on dating and starting a sexual relationship is limited.
2. Also, I've never been on an actual first date. Let me explain: I started dating my first partner in college. We hung out for months and we were around each other so much that people assumed we were dating, so we just started dating under the logic, "Everyone thinks we are, so let's give it a shot and see if it's the good idea everyone else seems to think it is." Yeah, I was an idiot. (In my defense, I was only 17 and had only long-distance dated 1 other person.)  But once we first started "dating" officially, we didn't go out on any official dates. We just continued hanging out like we always had. Then when I started dating the boyfriend, but we met long distance. Our first "date" was more than a month after we started dating long distance. We were already skype masturbating, so sex upon meeting made sense.
3. I grew up in a very conservative, Christian home. Sex was not discussed. You didn't kiss anyone unless you loved them. Sex was only OK within marriage... etc. You know the type. This whole background was a major part of the problem why my first sexual relationship failed: I had no idea what you should be looking for in a potential sexual partner or relationship. I didn't know what to think about, look for, and had no idea there was quite a range of sexual preference and tastes. 

OK, so disclaimers out of the way. Does this explain why I can't imagine sleeping with someone on the first date? No... really, I see my reasoning exists outside of these experiences:

1. I don't trust people that easily. Yes, I'll take you at your word up until a point. However, I have no way of knowing you're telling me the truth when we've only just met. How do I know you're telling me the truth on what you want, are interested in, or your last STD test was as clean as you say it was? How do I know you're not going to use me to get off and not call me again? 
2. Before you even kiss me, I want to know we have chemistry. Flirt with me, show me interest, let's get to know each other. Can we even flirt? I've had men flirt with me and I've been repulsed by it. Just because you're attracted to me, I won't be attracted to you.
3. I have to be attracted to you, and I'm not automatically attracted to someone. Personality is a huge part of attraction for me. I am not attracted to the physical outright. I need time to let my attraction grow.
4. I'm not a fan of casual sex. I prefer sex within a relationship. A relationship doesn't happen overnight or after a date or two. It takes time to develop.
5. Sex can be confusing. I've seen it happen with friends... the sex is great, but the rest of the relationship sucks. It muddies the waters. You can't see clearly and you end up staying in a relationship when you really should end it. I don't ever want to be in that situation. I need to establish the rest of my relationship -- and then bring sex into the equation.

These are all reasons why just meeting someone and jumping into sex or swinging won't work for me. I need time and a relationship first. I need feelings, chemistry, anticipation. I don't want a one time thing. It's not for me. If it works for you, then I wish you safe and enjoyable sex in whatever form of relationship you are looking for. 

TMI Tuesday: Cum, are you a fan?

1. We are all incurable sex addicts, but name one thing—a job, a passion, a creative outlet, a collection—of yours you use as a replacement, a distraction from constantly thinking about sex 24/7.
 My biggest distraction from thinking about sex is work. I am highly determined to succeed and pour a lot of my time and energy into work. Its the one major reason why I've had to pull back from blogging recently. I am too driven to just sit and wait for an opportunity; I believe in making opportunities happen. That said, I tweet a lot while working and am always interrupted by thoughts of sex while at work.  And you know when I work from home, there are always sex breaks!

2. Have you ever loved somebody so much you thought having sex with them would actually sully the pristine purity of that love?
I've been in an (almost) sexless relationship. I don't think there's any sort of "pristine purity" of love that would make you not want to have sex with someone. If you love them in a romantic/sexual way, then sexual thoughts should be a part of it. If you don't want them, then the "love" you feel is not the type of love you think it is. Trust me.

3. If you could make love to yourself, would you? Describe this experience in full detail.
HELL YES. There are many times where I've wanted to be able to experience this. No one knows how to make you cum like you do, its a feel unlike any other. So how awesome would it be to extend that to more than just fingers? If I had a clone of me, we'd be all other each other kissing, licking, stroking, and finger fucking. Masturbation would be a million times better than it is today, I'm sure.

4. Cum, are you a fan? Explain and expound.
Yes and no. Let's divide this up into separate answers...

Penis cum? Yes, I love to see it pouring from my partner's cock. It turns me on and has pushed me over the edge to orgasm while masturbating. It's so very hot to see his orgasm so visually. As for swallowing, I never swallowed until my boyfriend. My ex didn't care so from day one I spit or pulled out and aimed it away from me. I really wasn't interested in ever trying to swallow it. When I started giving the boyfriend BJs, I asked his preference. That was kind of easy - he'd never had an orgasm from oral. For him,  he didn't care and to this day he insists that I do whatever I feel comfortable/want to do. The first time I swallowed I realized it wasn't so bad/weird/gross as I thought - actually it was pretty easy to swallow with his dick shoved back in my throat.

Having cum on my body? No problem. I really don't even care if you get it in my hair. That's easily washable. However, what I'm not a fan of is having it shot somewhere - on him or me - and then being told to lick it off. There's something about transferring cum to my mouth that almost makes me squick. I don't get it... but it probably means I'll never cumswap with anyone unless I get the load shot in my mouth first.

As for my own cum, I love it. Bring it on. I'm always up for sticking my fingers in my pussy and licking them, no matter how wet or creamy.

5. Does it creep you out to know that God is watching you as you’re fucking?  
No, because I think sex and orgasms are one of the best feelings and experiences God created. I don't think he's watching me like a creepy neighbor through binoculars. It's His invention, so why would me using it creep me out? 

Personally, this question irks me because it insinuates that sex is somehow dirty, wrong, and sinful. I'm not here to get on my religious soapbox because this is not the time and place. My beliefs are for my own actions, not yours so sharing them with you is pretty much pointless. I believe in God and, for the most part, am Christian in my beliefs. I believe He created everything and has knowledge of everything. 

That means he knows my dreams, my fantasies, my kinks, how many times I pee, and what I think when I shower. He knows me at my most intimate. I'm not intimidated by this thought, I embrace and am encouraged by it. He knows everything I like, hope, and want. I don't try to hide or even suggest that I could hide anything from Him. I consider my boyfriend a gift from God. He knew exactly who I needed and wanted in life and I can not be more overjoyed. That's just my two cents.

Bonus: Tell us something sexy that happened to you this week.
Despite my almost non-existence in the blog world, a lot of sex has been happening this past week. I got fucked so hard on my birthday that my pussy was too sore for sex for two full days - that's NEVER happened. Even a finger took a lot of warm up during that time period...

He ended up laying me down on my back, rounding my ass up so my vagina was higher up than normal, then using his arms to pull on the headboard and curl his pelvis into me and then up. It wasn't just cervix deep like I've had before (and loved) but this time it was "oh-my-god-OW-it-feels-so-good-how-OW-can-it-feel-OW-so-good-OW-so-good-OW-it's-so-big-OW-look-at-his-biceps-curl-and-OW-the-headboard-OW-bend-OW-so-deep-oooh-eye-contact-OW-fuck-it-feels-good" kind of experience.

My favorite parts of the weekend

So many fun, sexy, and loving happy things happened this weekend that I wanted to share all of them. So here is a quick look at just what has made me smile over the past 48 or so hours:

Friday night: Being greeted as soon as I'm home from work and cooking dinner together. We chat about my day and share kisses and gropes while we cook. I make taco meat while he preps the veggies. I talk about my frustrations about work, and he supports me and encourages me.

As we're eating, he reminds me that I'm intelligent and beautiful, and there are many reasons that he loves me besides these two.

Many times while playing video games that night he tells me he loves me.

He begs me to get off the computer after too long at the computer. I complain that I'm having fun video gaming, and he tells me that he wants more time one-on-one with me. It's been a long week and he wants lots of cuddles on the couch tonight. The way he asks is not demanding or expecting of me; its a simple request. The look in his eyes and the touch of his hand in my hair when he asks is so sincere, I melt. We sit on the couch to watch some TV and cuddle. We give each other back massages. I end up falling asleep and he wakes me up to go to bed as soon as he notices.

I'm so tired when we go to bed, but he is horny. He holds me on his chest as he jacks himself off. I play with his balls and his whole body responds to my ball massage. He grips me to his chest and I fall asleep hearing him moan my name.

Saturday morning, I wake up from being too hot from cuddling. I think we cuddled almost all night. He wakes up with my stirring and gives me a good morning hand job that ends in him eating me out until his face has disappeared in my cunt.

We realize we woke up much earlier than normal, and end up taking a nap only a few hours later. Our nap is followed by some TV time on the couch. At some point he can't take any more of me being naked reaching over to paly with his dick and he ends up fucking me on the couch in 3 different positions for about 15 straight minutes. I cum several times, but my clit is feeling the need to orgasm, so I retreat to the bedroom to masturbate. He wanders in finding me almost asleep again and tells me to enjoy my day off.

Later he tells me we need to go out to dinner, he knows I need some relaxing time out. He drives me to our favorite restaurant and we share the same sweat in the booth, often with me resting my head on his shoulder and his arm around me. Sometimes we sit in silence, just enjoying each other.

Later that night, when he's grabbing dessert in the kitchen, he turns to me and says, "You know, I've never been happier in my life."  My heart swells in happiness. He's not big on romantic statements, so this one comment is rare and very treasured by me.

Again I fall asleep on the couch during our cuddle time. Again he holds me on his chest while he masturbates. This time I tug and pull on his balls and he tells me how good I am at it. I murmur "It's like I was made to tug on them" and he tells me I most certainly was.

We fall asleep cuddling again. We are awoken few hours later by a very strong storm that causes us to get up, check the weather, and unplug our important electronics. There's no real danger, so we head back to bed, holding each other. A bolt of lightening makes me hump together, arms around each other.

Sunday we sleep in way too late and decide to have a nice day out. Lunch, shopping, movies. As we're getting ready, he calls me Mrs. (his last night). I call him naughty and tell him that he, Mr. (my last name) shouldn't say such things. He actually grins and almost blushes at my comment. He admits to liking my last name as his...

He helps me pick out shoes and we go clothes shopping. I could use a couple more dresses for work. I try on two in the dressing room. One is a steal on clearance that I like and it fits well. The other is only on sale, but I love it. I go to check the price again, unsure of whether to get it. As I'm trying to decide he asks, "Do you love it?" When I say I do, he says, "Then get it. You deserve it." He squeezes my shoulder with his arm around me and looks me in the eye: "Get it."

Funny how someone giving you permission to do what I want makes such a difference. I buy both dresses, and get him a couple of hot thongs on clearance as well. (They are super hot).

At the movies we spend a good forty or so minutes of him with his arm around me and me with my head on his shoulder. The rest of the movie he holds my hand which he occasionally kisses throughout the movie.

Onto grocery shopping, where we are so happy we can't not put our arms around each other as we shop. We plan our meals for the week and he starts buying food for a "surprise meal" that will be made later in the week. I'm excited and curious.

We unpack the car and groceries together. The sink is full of dirty dishes; I really want to sit down and relax for a couple of hours, and he tells me I should. He'll do the dishes tomorrow. They can wait one day as he wants me to relax.

At home later we are playing video games -  my final hurrah before the week starts again. Suddenly he starts humming a song - and I realize what it is. "Why are you singing that?"

"What?" he keeps humming.

"You can't hum that!"

"Why not? One day you'll be my bride, all dressed in white..."

"Naughty!" but when he turns to look at me, I'm beet red from blushing and he gets up and comes over to hug and kiss me, even though I try to hide my bashful face.

"You are so beautiful when you blush! Why are you blushing so much! One day you'll be my bride, you know... awww, look at you smile!"

And as I'm writing this, he's on the couch just a few feet away, waiting for me to cuddle and spend some quality time together.

He is exactly what I needed.

Then I cried when he ate me out

Note: This is part 2 of a 3 part series on one evening of sex. Read part 1 here. 

 I laid back, waiting for him to make his move. Had I changed his mind?

Yes, I had. He laid down in between my legs to see my freshly shaved pussy. He laid sideways so one of my legs was over his body. I opened my legs far for him, and one touch of his finger to my clit, so light, so gentle, had my eyes closed tight. He slowly slid his tongue over my clit and I moaned loudly. He teased me lightly, fingers from both hands wandering around my pussy.

I moaned and cried out, he flicked his tongue across me rapidly. It was like heaven touching me. My whole world became my clit, my pussy, my vagina. A finger in me, gentle, barely there, tantalizing me as his tongue wandered up, down, and circled my clitoris. His tongue wandered down me, to the spot just below my clit.

As he teased me, he would stop his tongue and not move it, just let it sit on me. My body would tremble, and I begged him to move against me. He would sometimes remove his tongue altogether and yawn, I could feel his whole body fill with air. But he didn't act tired as he played with me, he continued loving my clit. His finger wandered further into me, fucking me gently as he sucked at my clit. His wet mouth felt amazing on me.

Then another yawn. But this time, I heard something different. He wasn't exhaling air. He was inhaling.

"Are you smelling my pussy?" I ask, bewildered.

"Mmhmm," he tells me. He inhales again, and I feel his fingers pulling my lips wider apart.  I am awed. he goes back to licking my pussy, and I feel a wave of emotions hitting me. My eyes prick with tears. I am overcome. He is eating me more intensely, and I'm moaning in high pitched almost squeals of pleasure.

He smells me again, and eats, and smells more. Now that he knows I'm aware of what he's doing, he's smelling me more, nose practically touching me as he fills himself with my scent.

I am overwhelmed. I start to cry a little as he eats and sucks at my clit. I'm almost to orgasm and I'm feeling the most wonderful, compelling joy I've ever experienced. He sniffs and smells me, he inhales as deeply as he can. Finally, I start to cum and it feels good but I'm distracted by my emotions of the moment. As I'm cumming his finger takes over my clit, but I push his wrist away. I can't take it. He stops and sits up, confused.

He looks at my face and asks what's going on. I look at him, and the reality of my experience takes over. I look at him with blurry eyes, I try to tell him, to find words. But I can't. Tears start to fall down my face and he puts a hand on my face and asks me gently what's up.

I try to verbalize the whirlwind I'm in, "I'm.... I'm... just..." and then I'm in full tears, crying. "I'm so happy!" with a sob I roll to my side and curl up into a little ball. He immediately surrounds me, holding me to him. He's cradling me against him and I'm wrapped around him. I'm sobbing into him. He's letting me cry. He's not sure what to say.

"You just... you just don't know what it feels like!" I cry. "To go from being told you're so dirty and gross to be loved like this..." I can't describe what I'm feeling. All I can do is just cry into him. "I never imagined that someone could ever love my body like this."

He holds me, and chuckles, "Honey, I love you. You are so beautiful, so sexy, I love every part of you. He was a moron you smell so good baby." He holds me tight to him.

I calm down and he kisses my cheek wet from tears. He makes sure I look into his eyes and he asks if he can continue making me cum, he's not done yet. I bashfully nod my approval.

He kisses my stomach as he crawls down in between my legs again. He smells me more, pulling my lips wide. He licks and sucks at me more and more. I'm in emotional ecstasy, and he makes a show of smelling me as much as he can. Big, deep breaths. He makes me cum twice more.

I feel vulnerable, close. He moves up to kiss him and I taste sweet on his mouth. But then he shows me his very hard dick, and he tells him he needs to fuck me, the smell of my pussy has made him rock hard...

to be continued.

Am I a demisexual?

So I was browsing the forums on Eden Fantasys and came across a poll on how you would label yourself if you had to. The options were ones that I was mostly familiar with (I never claimed to be an expert!). Aside from hetero/gay/lesbian/bi there were options of pan/omni/asexual/other and then ones I wasn't sure belonged such as trans/intersexed and one I'm not sure where it goes - bi-curious. (You can see the current results and forum discussion here.)

Anyway, midway through the comments I saw a post about someone who identified themselves as a demisexual. I've never heard of this term, and neither had a lot of the discussion board members.  Finally, someone submitted the authoritative definition from Urban Dictionary:

Demisexuals are characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any person unless they become deeply emotionally or romantically connected with a specific person or persons. The level of connection it takes for sexual desire to form is dependent on how close the relationship is rather than initial attraction. It is an orientation that is not chosen. 

Hmm. Now that rings some bells for me. I've said for years that personality beats physical attraction hands down for me, but I'm not so sure that's specifically what this definition means. Its really about how you're not attracted until there is some connection between you and the other person. 

I really identify with this. I have a very hard time being sexually attracted through imagery alone. It just doesn't work for me. I also can't be attracted to you if I think you're an asshole. I'm only ever attracted to someone with whom I've interacted and I like personality wise.  I can't get past that, I won't even look at you 'that way' until you've won me over emotionally. I have to be your friend first.

But then I think back on history... I've had crushes on guys without knowing them, or have locked eyes and felt that drop in your stomach when you've looked too long or too directly. That thrill of a look lingering, or a joke being exchanged when others don't notice. Another reason my ex and I didn't work out is that I just wasn't attracted to him - at all, in any way. 

But then I've found girls to be appealing too, and I've never had a sexual-type relationship bond with a woman, but I sure do find them attractive. But then, am I finding them attractive or just their body parts?  And what about men?

When I look at a clothed man, I look at his hands, body type, face. A naked man, I look at penis, shoulders, and body type. I'll also look at his ass if its in view. When I look at a clothed woman, I look at her face, hair, body type, and breasts. A naked woman I look at her pussy, breasts, nipples, legs, then face.  

Basically, I objectify you if you're naked, but if you're clothed I look at all of you. But isn't that the way most of us use porn or porn-type images? I look at the picture for sexual excitement, not to see who you are. 

So back to real life. Let's talk about my boyfriend. Way, way back before we were flirting I looked him up online (I can online stalk pretty well... so watch yourselves!) and, while I don't remember what picture he had up on facebook, I remember not thinking anything about it. It could be because most of his face was probably hidden so I couldn't see much. Fast forward after we've been flirting for a few months - yeah, I found him attractive. Really attractive.

Fast forward to us getting to the point talking about our sexual orientations, what we liked in bed, and daaaaamn my pussy was on fire for him. When we started having phone sex I was cumming so hard and good - better than I've ever cum with my fingers before. And when we started skype sexing? Wow oh wow. My first multiple orgasms. And then sex? Read about our first night of sex here and here (you know if its a 2-parter its got a LOT of detail...).

So has physical attraction upped the pleasure factor for me? Without a doubt, it has. Can I feel attraction for someone without that personal attraction? I don't think so - not attraction that would lead to any real world experiences. I can't fantasize about someone who I don't know personally - its impossible. I can't picture anything sexual with someone unless I have some mental affection for them.

BF's ass after a few min after spanking. I find it so sexy.

So am I demisexual? Maybe. Does it really matter? No, not really. But its interesting to think about. Where are you at?

The look in the eyes

Every evening we are normally on our computers in the office. He is normally gaming while I am blogging, catching up on emails, or writing. (Blogging takes a lot of time!) We're always chit chatting and constantly interrupting the other with hugs, kisses, and sexy comments that turn the other on and disrupt concentration (another reason blogging takes so long).

Last night "the look" came up somehow. He feigned ignorance and I reminded him, "You know, THE LOOK. The one we have when we're having sex sometimes... that look." He couldn't play dumb for long, as the smile broke out across his face. Yes, he's aware of the look.

The look doesn't always make its appearance. Frequently his face his buried in my breasts or in my neck kissing me during sex. My eyes are typically close as I cannot keep them open while I'm orgasming or even close to an orgasm. But sometimes, with an effort... the look happens and when it does, I don't see anything but him.

It starts when we lock eyes. And then it stays. And for some breaths it says. We kiss, and our eyes are open, looking, staring. He is thrusting or I am rocking but the other is stopped, transfixed in time. The mouths are open, but there are no words. Just shallow breathing. Shared air.

The best sex either of us have had in our lives was in January. I came home from work stressed out beyond recognition.  I went straight to bed and started crying. He was there with me, holding me to him, letting me wet his shirt in my tears. He held me so very tight that day. He kissed my forehead and my cheeks. He told me he would be there for me, it would work out. It was OK. As I calmed down his kisses started moving closer to my mouth and then down my neck. What followed was the most passionate, moving, and incredible sex I'd ever imagined possible.

The look first made its appearance there. At one point I was riding him in cowgirl and I was moving very slowly. His hands were on my back and I was bent over him. Our eyes were locked for what felt like hours. The emotional state of the room was intoxicating. I remember looking at him and thinking this was the most beautiful, joyous, ardent moment of my life. I never wanted it to end. Then he said, "I want this to last forever." 

What followed was so intimate and so beautiful I didn't tweet about it and I won't describe it here. Its ours. Forever.

Every once in a while that look resurfaces. It may be for a few moments, it may just be for a second. The longer we hold it, the more intense the sex becomes.  Sometimes he orders me to look at him, or our eyes meet by accident and we both hold it.

The look surfaced last night. It wasn't planned, even though we talked about it. We just looked. And looked. And then he breathed "I love you" to me. I almost started crying - it was so intense, and I was so freaking happy. I managed to say it back, barely. We kissed, lips just touching. Our mouths were open, lips touch, and we shared breath as he fucked me slowly, our eyes still locked. I broke into a smile, and he asked me why I was smiling. My eyes pricked with tears again. I lost my words.

He buried himself in my neck and kissed me and kissed me.

What's love got to do with it?

We've all probably heard that line sung by Whitney Houston. What's love got to do with it? That was a small topic of discussion for me on twitter earlier this week. It started as a topic of who I thought ate pussy better: men or women? Well, even though I'm bi, I've never been with a girl... so I can't weigh in on this topic.

My guess is that a woman can, because familiarity with the equipment makes for a better user of that equipment, right? The questioner then disclosed he thought guys gave better head for the same reason and he had experienced both sexes.

So I asked the boyfriend to weigh in - he's experienced both. He said its been a long time since he's had a guy give him a BJ - too long to give an honest comparison. But then he continued well beyond the theoretical situation with a dose of reality. He said, "But to really answer the question, the sex and head you get is only as good as the love you share with the person, no matter their sex.... the more in love you become with someone the more you will enjoy it. And if there is no love, its meaningless and won't feel nearly as good."

Wow... I completely and totally agree with him on this, but I haven't heard him say this before. For me, sex and love go hand in hand and I can't separate them. That's a major reason why I've only had sex with two people in my life - love has to be there for me to be intimate with someone. It's not just about physical pleasure, its about physical pleasure and an emotional connection. I can't give you access to the "goods" if you know and care nothing for my mind.

The boyfriend and I tell each other "I love you" countless times every day. It never gets old and we can never hear it enough. Sometimes we'll respond with "How much?" or "Oh really? Are you sure?" out of fun -- and to see how the other responds. This morning after a wonderful round of sex and cuddling that was full of kisses, he told me he loved me. And I asked "How much?" He paused. Then his answer, one I've never heard before, was this:

"Enough to cum in you, and never worry."

There's a lot to be said in that statement. We're secure in our physical health and we're not concerned about the possibility of a baby*. There's a lot of trust and love in this relationship. Its the best relationship either of us have had. And we tell the other person. There's no hiding what we want, what we like, what we need. Its open and honest all the time, not in specific windows.

And this blog is proof of that, I think. The sex is fucking incredible. He's had a TON more sex than I have (way more than I'd really like to ever know about, really)... but its never been more pleasurable or wonderful as its been with me. He's done the sex before love, the fuck because you want it, and the relationship only exists for sex... its all failed with a lot of hurt and misery all around. For some I'm sure that's OK and it works for you. I'm not saying anything about you - I'm talking about us.

For us, love in friendship is that ingredient that makes the whole recipe work. And we like it that way. For us, love is pretty much the whole thing. Without it, there is no us.

*I am on a birth control pill and we never use condoms. Before we even had sex we discussed the possibility of a pregnancy from sex (really if you're having sex, its always a possibility and you should always consider your options first!). We had always agreed that if it happens, it happens and we'll celebrate it. (For me it would really be a wonderful thing considering my chances are super low anyway, but that's besides the point here.)

On being sex postive pt2

Note: This is a continuation of my prior blog post about how I was in a long sex negative relationship and how I eventually escaped it by standing up for myself and what I wanted. This post is about recovering from the emotional damage and finding confidence in  yourself. 

In this post, I am brutally honest about me and my insecurities. In sharing this part of me, I hope I can show one person that has felt like I did or experienced what I have, see that there is something better out there.

At first glance, the BF liked what he saw in a few pictures of me. All I saw was an overweight, uncomfortable and awkward girl that didn't feel anywhere near cute or pretty or sexy. I saw beauty in my eyes, hair, and boobs, but everything else was... well, I didn't want to think about it.

These are my boobs.

Now he wanted more pictures. He wanted pictures of my feet. That was easy - I do have nice feet. Were they sexy? How was I supposed to know? Apparently they are because he jacked off to them the day he get my pictures. I remember modeling my feet, trying to figure out what the best angle was. In the end, I figured I couldn't go too wrong with feet.

We started skyping, and what he saw through my clothes he seemed to like, but I was so uncertain about going further. What if he decided he didn't like it? What if he wasn't attracted to me? What if he were disgusted or repelled by all the extra fat on my body? Would he care about my stretch marks, brought on by rapid weight gain from depression and medical issues? What about my extra body hair, where I have to pluck and tweeze and shave and wax almost every day?

He complimented me on my looks. It was uncomfortable. I didn't believe him. I couldn't see what he was saying - when I looked in the mirror, I hated what I saw. I hated to even watch the little window in the Skype screen that showed what I looked like. It wasn't pretty -- to me.

Eventually he asked to see my boobs. I have beautiful boobs, in my opinion, so I allowed it. When I pulled my dress down and showed them, he gave a little gasp and called them "Perfect." He loved the size of my DD's... my large areolae that are the lightest pink, and my big nipples. He didn't care about or even see the flaws that I thought might be there. I feared my nipples were too small, they pointed down rather than up, they were lower on my chest than I wanted. But to him they were perfect. He never called them anything else. He jacked off to me, watching me play with them. I began to believe him.

But then he wanted more. He wanted to see my ass. And now I was almost terrified. There was no way he would think my butt was nice. No one had ever complimented it. Ever. He asked and I said no for days. He kept asking. He seemed to like what he saw when I was fully clothed, but clothing could hide a lot. But he was so in love and interested in me, how could I resist? So one day I showed him. My back turned, facing away so he could see my butt, I heard nothing but a happy sound and he was telling me my ass was sexy, incredible, so beautiful. Exactly the kind of ass he loved.

And them my stomach. My stomach which is the biggest part of me, the most frustrating part. It's fine, despite its stretch marks and a fat roll that ends just above my pussy. He calls it sexy, he loves to see it, feel it. He doesn't care how it looks when I'm in my corsets or interferes with my underwear or strap-on harness. It's a sexy tummy for him.

I felt a change starting to take place in me. It was incredible, this feeling that someone could see me as beautiful or sexy.  Was it possible he could really like me for me, just as I am?

Fast forward a few weeks, and we are now skype masturbating together. I keep the camera focused on my chest and face. He coaches me through multiple orgasms, the first ones I've ever experienced. Afterwards, I flip on my stomach, still naked, head resting on my hands, giggling and talking with him. He asks me to shift the camera so he can see more of me. I turn it, so he can see some of my back, ass, and thighs. He loves the view. At some point he makes me laugh, and when I do my ass rises in the air slightly. He notices and his attention is drawn there. I lay my head down and push my ass up. His response is burned forever in my memory: He jumps up in his chair, punches the air, huge smile on my face, slight growl escaping his lips.

I ask him what is going on. He says, "Ohh god, you're so fucking beautiful! I can't get over it!" And I break into a smile, blushing red. He sees it immediately, and I'm hiding my face out of shyness. I'm overcome with this warmness in my heart, this joy infecting my soul. I'm convinced: to him, I am as beautiful as he could want me to be. Whatever the flaws and imperfections I see are unimportant and he sees only beauty there.

Time has passed since that moment, but I will never forget it. Every day he tells me over and over I'm beautiful, I'm sexy, I'm pretty, I'm perfect, I'm cute. He can't keep his eyes and hands off me. I totally and completely believe him.

But more importantly, I believe in myself. Beauty comes in different packages. I am going to work on getting back to the shape that I prefer for myself. I've started that journey and will continue it. But I am no longer trapped into one version of myself that is beautiful and the current version is not. That's not how it works. 

One of the keys to great sex is confidence in yourself. Without it, you'll never like who you are and it will show. Your partner will sense it but will have no clue on how to fix it. The only one who can fix it is you. You have to be willing to take the risk, trust in yourself, believe what that special someone sees in you. Find reasons to like it in yourself.  It has amazed me as I've wandered around twitter and tumblr how much "beautiful" is described in forms I would never have guessed. It isn't what you see on the newstands and in movies! Its variety in every size and shape and color of boob, areola, and nipple. I've seen tiny ones and huge ones I didn't know could exist - and I see hundreds of "reblogs" under all of these images, because so many people likes and appreciates them and want to jerk off to them.

Does that mean everyone likes everyone? Not necessarily, we all have our own tastes. If you are with someone who doesn't like YOU - and by you, I mean ALL of YOU - then fucking move on with your life. You don't deserve to be unhappy and feel bad about yourself with someone. Fix what you don't like if you can and find that someone who thinks you're absolutely gorgeous just as you are.

Beauty is never just about looks, its about personality, too. At the end of the day, a bitch is still a bitch no matter how great she looks. She's a short term attraction, kind of like a carnival ride. But no one wants a carnival ride for life. They want to go to the carnival and then go home and live life. My BF and I started out as anonymous friends before the physical attraction was in play. We were attracted mentally and (yay!) physically to each other. That is the winning combo.

Midweek, post-nap sex

I awoke from my nap (see part 1 of this story), the breezing was blowing across my back sending shivers up my spine. I tried to reposition myself, but he pulled me closer, tighter to him in his sleep. I couldn't move, but I didn't want to wake him. I settled into his chest, and dozed. Some minutes passed, and I forced myself away and flipped to lay on my stomach. He awoke, and turned over to tuck himself into me and cuddle me. We murmured about our nap, the breeze, the day. Our joy.

His hands started wandering, and found their way to my ass. He wanted me again, and when I reached for his dick it was almost hard again. He started fondling my breast, tweaking at my nipple. He spooned me, kissing my back and neck. He pulled on my hips and I moved slightly so his dick could find my vagina. My wetness was pooled at the entrance, waiting. He slid in, moaning at it... and questioning how in the world I could be so incredibly wet. (As if he doesn't know the reason.)

We took turns, him thrusting into me, me grinding against him. Slow and sensuous. Minutes passed and we kept taking turns, sometimes fighting for who would control the direction. He told me he wanted me to cum. "Don't you have any cum for me, my love?" I did - grinding against him, feeling his dick slide in and out and all these angles I'm not used to, my orgasming had been building. His words set me over the edge, and I was bucking against him. He gave my back some kisses, and pushed me onto my stomach. My legs stayed almost on their side, but not straight. His dick never left my pussy.

I turned my head to look at him, and our eyes locked. We just looked at each other as I pushed my ass into him and he fucked me gently. His hands were resting above my head, and I reached up to grab them in my hands, holding him, bracing against him, He played with me, going fast and shallow or fast and deep, changing his pattern. We were fucking for pure enjoyment, no schedule, no deadlines. Just us.

I could feel my clit boner begging for attention, but I needed his dick. I told him I wanted to cum with my clit with him in me. He chuckled at my clit horniness, but pulled out and sat back so I could flip around. I reached down, and even I was astounded by how wet I was. I expressed my surprised, and he laughed with me at how incredible it was. I started fingering my clit, wiggling it back and forth, and he kissed me as his dick entered me again.

Only it didn't enter all the way. He just inserted barely past the head, and pulled out. It wasn't enough, I wanted more. He whispered in my ear, "No, my little dick is too small... it won't satisfy you." And I moaned from excruciating anticipation. No, I wanted full, deep dick... I would never get off without it. I wanted all of him. I moaned, complaining.

"No, I want all of you, I need your dick."

"My dick's too small, it barely goes in at all. I can't satisfy you."

My clit was feeling amazing, but I knew I wasn't going to get off this way. But what could I do? I played the game. "No, its too small. I'll go find a bigger dick to satisfy me."

His breathing picked up, but he kept teasing me. "You fucking tease!" I admitted. "I can't cum this way!"

He knew his plan was working. He kept teasing me. My orgasm was building, almost ready to go, but I had no dick in me. I couldn't cum.

I complained more, louder, I humiliated his small dick for not satisfying me, leaving me frustrated.

Finally, he pushed in all the way, out, then all in with more force... and he exploded into orgasm. His thrusting caught me off guard, I need more thrusts to orgasm. But he knew, he kept pushing, fast thrusting in me, until I was screaming, bucking against him, squeezing his dick. He was motionless but I was still riding his dick, cumming all over it. Finally, after I was satisfied, I relaxed and opened my eyes. He was watching me, smile on his face.

Weekday morning sex

I was working from home, which means I could sleep in a bit - and wake up the BF for some morning sex. He complained about being woken up, but I cuddled him, both of us on our stomachs, my arm over his back, our legs intertwined. After a while I turned on my side and cuddled my butt up against him. I got the response I was expecting - he turned to spoon me, wrapping is arm around me, clutching a breast to my chest.

His dick was hard against my ass as I cozied into him. He ran his hand down to my ass, giving it a couple of squeezes. He kissed my neck, my shoulder my back. His hand wandered back up my body, tweaking my nipples against his hands. I stretched against him. He reached down again and pulled my leg up slightly. I lifted it higher, and he started rubbing the head of his dick in between my legs, getting the tip wet.

"Oooh you're so wet already! Why are you so wet?" he asked, pushing it deeper, just outside the entrance. He pulled my feet to nest between his, trapping my ankles in his legs.

"Don't you remember that orgasm you gave me last night?" I asked. I sighed at the memory of the longest, most pleasurable orgasm I'd ever experienced.

He gave me a "mmmm" in agreement as he pushed his dick in me about halfway. I sighed happily. "Ohhhhh," he whispered, like it was the loudest noise he could make. "You're so wet...." he slid in more, pushing his dick in all the way. His groan of satisfaction was intoxicating. He kissed my shoulder again and shift his hips lower to get a better angle.

He slid it in a out, just playing with the entrance, his head barely entering me. It felt wonderful and I was just enjoying the sensation of his dick gliding so smoothly. "You like my wetness don't you?" I asked.

He moaned a yes as he stuck his dick in me all the way, and held it there. I pushed back against him, wiggling my bum. He groaned with pleasure from my body moving around him. I grinded against him moving my hips slowly up and down. He relaxed, his dick falling out slightly, and kissed my back. He started fucking me again. He pulled back a bit to really fuck me, and you could hear my wetness sloshing around his dick and our bodies made an awesome slapping sound as he pounded away at me.

He pulled my leg up and over his again. I tiled towards him as his hand ran down from my breast to my pussy, but he didn't go for my clit. His hand wandered back up where he tweaked my nipples again. He was moving his hips still fucking me but not by much. Finally his hand moved down and he reached for my clit. He wasn't gentle, but I didn't need him to be. With his cock in me, fucking me, I don't need a lot of build-up to cum. He used all four fingers and just attacked it. Instantly I was crying out, and very soon, I was orgasming. He pulled his hand away, pushed my leg back, and then really fucked me. My orgasm kept going, and I ground back against him.

He started playing with the entrance again, just barely sliding into me. "Ohhhh Mrs. ____" he cried softly into my ear, hands cupping my breast, his other hand holding mine.

"You're naughty!" I said back, trying not to break the rule myself. He kissed my back and shoulder in a flurry of kisses.

"I don't care, " he said. "I love you so much. Oh ______" he called out my name. Then he pushed slightly and we rolled over onto our stomachs, his dick never leaving me and he adjusted slightly on top of me. I flexed my hips up, pushing into him. His cheek was against mine, I could see his eyes shut, mouth open as he moved in and out. His moans were getting louder.

Then suddenly his hand was in my hair, pulling it and jerking my neck back, pinning it down. I moaned, I love it when he does that. Its so passionate, so in the moment. He kissed my cheek, my neck. He told me he loved me again and again. He was slowing down, making each stroke in and out last longer than normal. I could tell he was getting closer to coming, and the closer he was, the slower he went, just making it last and last for both of us. He called out my name more and told me he loved me and he called me his wife. I ignored the rule breaking, what did it matter? I pushed up against him told him I wanted to cum with my clit while he was in me.

He pulled out and sat up so I could flip around on my back. He came down and kissed me while I reached down my hand to my clit. He was moving slowly in and out and I told him to just hold it in me, not moving. He did, kissing me over and over again. I kissed as much as I could between my growing cries of pleasure. I could feel my orgasm building up in me. When I could tell it was close, I started saying, "Fuck me, oh fuck me," over and over. He did. And I spread my legs as far as I could. "Oh fuck me my husband," I cried out, eyes shut from pleasure.

"Oh my wife, my lovely wife!" and he was kissing me hard and passionately. His orgasm came and he pushed his dick in as it pumped cum. He pushed it in and my orgasm hit strong and hard and I was pulling myself up on his body while he pulled me up, kissing the back of my neck while I cried out into his. My hips moved, uncontrolled, and his body shuddered from the sensations I was giving his dick as I came and came on it.

We stilled, and kissed and looked into each other's eyes for a moment, just looking. He pulled out but rested on top of me, head on my breast and I wrapped my arms around him. I could feel cum dripping out of my pussy, dripping onto my thighs and down my ass and onto the bed.

The first night Pt2

Kissing, hands everywhere. I wanted him on top first, so there he was. He was nervous about the size of his dick and my inexperience, I was confident. It was only going to get better. I was ready. Now I don't remember what he did or the exact details, but I do remember that I had my first vaginal orgasm - my first 8 vaginal orgasms, before he came.


We cuddled, holding each other, laying together. It was sometime near morning, the night was fading to day. I was about to drift asleep when he started kissing me again, and he told me it was my turn to get on top.


I hated cowgirl. It never felt very good, I couldn't cum during it, I didn't know how to move... I'd had terrible experiences. I fretted, and voiced my concerns. He was confident, he knew I could cum this way, he was shocked I never had before.  His confidence became mine... he used his hands to show me how to move, how to rock my hips, bounce my ass, play with his cock. It was long and if I sat all the way up it made me moan as it pushed against my cervix. It felt so, so good. Did I cum? Yes, a couple of times.


We cuddled some more, it was morning now. We teased and kissed, but didn't leave the bed. I think about an hour passed, and we had sex again. I came more and more. We learned about each other's bodies, what we liked. My whole world changed - sex was finally fun, exciting, extremely pleasurable.


I don't remember the rest of the details. I remember more cuddling, more sex, never sleeping. We drifted out of the room at about 5p for food - finally. We'd spent all day in bed, fucking, making out, cuddling, talking.


It was a good first night.

Oral fest

Before I tell you about this afternoon, there's some background about me you should know. My 9-year relationship with my ex was a disaster when it came to my pussy being eaten. The first time (my first time ever) it lasted all of 15 seconds before I got the "Honey, I can't do this... it tastes kinda gross. I can't stand it." That was on my 19th birthday... talk about disappointment and self-esteem crashing galore. For the next 6 years we were together (yes I know, I can't believe it lasted that long either) he would give it a try maybe once a year, and only if I showered right before and it would have to be the starting point and it would only last a minute before it got to "icky" for him to continue.  So yes, I've been horribly, emotionally scarred and for years was convinced my pussy and all its juices were a source of disgusting, smelly material that no one save myself would ever enjoy.
 
But then I met the BF... Oral sex is one of the best feelings on earth. Period! I've still had my share of doubts, wondering if he's just being nice, is he really OK with the taste, etc. But today all the doubt, secret fears and worries went away with an incredible symphony of orgasms. Enjoy.


Today I got home from work early to finish the afternoon at home. As normal, I checked into twitter and tumblr to see what was new. The BF always going through tumblr with me so we can see the sexy pictures and see what the other person likes. Its like a little bit of voyeuristic foreplay for us. We hadn't been through tumblr in a few days, and the several pages of images and GIFs got us going... big time.A girl licking another's pussy in a wet, frantic way.

That image, as I explained to the BF, is one of my favorite masturbation fantasies. I'm the girl on the bed... of course seeing this image and explaining it to him made me horny. And then I found another picture  - and my hornyness started to escalate. He suggested we take a "sex break" from work... how can I argue with that? So off to the bedroom we went.

So in bed the BF wanted me on my back, and started fingering my very smooth, very bare pussy. I had a Brazilian wax yesterday and all of my hair is gone. The BF loves the way this feels - of course! He started playing with my clit and said he was going to give me a hand job... pretty much one of my favorite things to have. He starts off slow, teasing, and gentle, then fingers my vagina with strong, swift strokes. We are kissing lightly, just lips on lips, or a light sweep of his tongue on my lips. Its soft and sensual and very sweet.

Having my clit played with is very intense - most of the time I can't keep my eyes open, just clenched tight. Every once in a while I forced myself to look him in the eyes. He loves to watch my face, my reactions to what he's doing. Our whole bodies are under the covers, so we both can feel but not see. When I look away and close my eyes, he asks me if I'm picture other women fingering me. No, I reply, I'm imagining his fingers and what it looks like - seeing it in my mind what I'm feeling is so incredibly sexy and such a turn on for me. When I tell him what I am thinking, he smiles at me, he likes my answer.

"Purr for me," he says. "Purr my little kitty." So I make my moans more audible for him. He plays with my clit, playing with it more. "Ohh that's good kitty," he tells me. "Oh you like that huh... oh your clit boner is getting bigger. Keep purring for me." My moans tell him where to go, what to do... its like a secret map he's following to find a trigger to make my pleasure even more. Then he places his finger tips around my clit and starts pulling his hand up - he's jacking me off.  "You like your clit being jacked off like a little dick, don't you?" I barely open my eyes, mouth open, and moan my agreement. "Oh I know you do... your clit boner is bigger."

And then he says something that gets me wild, "Beg me to eat your pussy... if you beg good enough, I might do it." And oooh he's teasing my clit and pussy so very much, and my moans are louder. I'm going wild with anticipation. I give up moaning, and start pleading with him. "Please, please, please eat my pussy... please baby please eat me..." and I'm begging more and more while he's jacking me off. I'm almost ready to cum from his fingers, I can't imagine how good it his mouth would feel right now.

He pulls the covers back, and climbs down to lay between my legs. He doesn't hesitate at all. His tongue is just suddenly on me, flicking across my clit, licking and lapping at it. It feels warm and soft, it feels so very good and my moans are echoing my pleasure. He pauses for a moment to readjust, pulls on one of my pussy lips to pull it up just a bit, and his mouth is back on me, eating away, making long strokes up and kissing my clit over and over. My legs are shaking from tension and my hips are flexing up slightly against him... he starts sucking on my clit, giving it sucking kisses. With a few more flicks of his tongue, I was cumming.

He didn't stop. He kept licking, sweeping his head back and forth very quickly to keep my orgasm going and going. I'm crying out so loudly. Then he pulled back, for a moment. I caught my breath and began to relax... and he went back to sucking on my clit. Another orgasm, and when he kept going and going, another orgasm. Now I'm bucking my hips and he's staying with me, flicking my clit and each stroke of his tongue makes me cry out.

He stops, and once again my legs and hips relax. He climbs up and kisses me, and I can taste myself on his lips and chin. I'm everywhere and I'm sweeping my tongue and lips around his face, savoring the taste. Its delicious. "It tastes so good, doesn't it?" he asks me. My heart thrills at these words. The head of his dick is on my clit, hard but not moving. Its teasing me. He can feel me pushing into it lightly, and he rocks his dick on it. I'm so close to cumming again. Then he slides his dick into me, and I'm flooded with pleasure. His eyes open in shock or surprise, I'm not sure. "Ooooh baby! Your pussy has never felt so good... oh fuck baby I can't believe how good it feels right now." And he pulls out only slightly, and when he just barely pushes back in, my orgasm explodes and I'm crying his name, grinding my hips. He stops moving until I begin to relax, and the repeats the same slow movements. Another orgasm. Then another. He's barely able to control not cumming himself, I can tell, but suddenly he pulls out and climbs back down to my pussy, and he's eating me out again.

I'm hit with orgasm after orgasm, crying out his name over and over. His lips and mouth and tongue are tweaking my clit and I can't keep still, I don't know what's going on, just that I'm cumming over and over again. I don't know how much I came, the orgasms melted into each other and he didn't stop. He pulls up to kiss me again, and again he's covered in my cum all over his face. I'm kissing and licking him clean, loving how he loves it so much.

He rolls over next to me, and asks if its his turn to cum  yet. I beg him for more - how can I stop when its this good? He can't believe I want more, but I only ask once and he climbs on top and sticks his dick in me.... again I explode into orgasm from hardly any movement. "So sensitive today" he whispers as he kisses my neck. "Such a sensitive pussy... oh fuck you're so wet," he says as I cum again. And again.

My whole body is bliss and he seems happy to keep me going - because he goes back down to my pussy and starts eating me out again. Now he's alternating between mouth and finger on my clit, toying with me. My legs and hips are tired, but I can't stop shaking, bucking, screaming, whipping my head back and forth as I grab pillows, his hands, his shoulders, his head, crying out his name. Its like one long orgasm that is neverending.

Finally, after what must have been 15-20 orgasms (that I can remember), he pulls away, kisses me again, and I almost savagely attack him with kisses, stopping only to say how much I love him. And he tells me he loves me so much, he thinks I'm delicious and he loves to eat me out.  I am flooded with the most incredible emotional bliss I could ever imagine.  I lay on his chest to catch my breath, let my brain try to figure out what just happened to me.

A few minutes pass, and I ask him how he'd like to cum... he asks for a foot job. Its been a long time since he's had one, and right now I'm just happy to be able to do make him cum that way. We grab the lube and I lather up my toes and soles of my feet and sit so I'm perpendicular to his body, ankles on his body. I've only given a few foot jobs to him, so I feel very inadequate with my skills. But he's moaning from my feeble strokes, rubbing the sole of one foot along his cock while the other cradles it. His cock is slippery and I can barely hold onto it with my feet. I manage to scrunch my toes on one foot, then slide his cock between my big toe and second toe stroking his head. He loves it. He's watching his cock slide between my feet. I jack him off with the soles of my feet, then alternate scrunching my toes around him and he tells me he loves it. He loves my beautiful feet and how good I make him feel. He's so turned on he can't look away. I stop only to reapply lube twice more, and he's begging to cum, especially when I hold his cock in between my toes. Finally I rapidly stroke him with one foot, pinning it against my other foot. He cums with a lot of force spilling cum on his stomach.

We wipe off the lube, pull up the covers, and fall asleep. An hour later, we're holding each other the same as when we fell asleep.

The Rule

When the BF and I started dating (another story for another time), we agreed on "The Rule" of our relationship. The rule was simple: We had to date for 1 year before we could consider the next step.

Its a simple rule, right? Well, it seemed that way. 1 year to get to know each other, experience the other through thick and thin, the good and bad. It seemed smart and safe and pretty straightforward. What we have found is that it is the opposite.

I think we first muddied the waters by moving in together almost immediately. For him this was more along the "normal" of his relationships. For me, this was one of the greatest life-changing events I've done. I had never lived with anyone other than my ex, and we didn't live together until we had been married. But for us, it was an easy decision. He lived several states away and neither of us wanted anything long-distance. We'd done that enough with facebook, skype, chatting, and phone. We wanted to be together. So we took the leap and he moved in three weeks after our first in-person meeting. Three weeks was all I needed.

He first broke this rule last November. I was traveling for business and he came with me for the week. One day after work we had sex before going out to dinner. It was an incredibly hot session and he whispered in my ear, "I love you Mrs. _____" and I couldn't stop from saying back "I want to be your wife!" He came almost immediately upon my exclamation, and I definitely took notice of that. It was so fucking hot and sweet at the same time.  It was around this time that I started twittering our sex life.

Since then, we've both broken the rule upon occasion. I tend to break it after a very strong emotional event when I'm feeling incredibly vulnerable or incredibly close to him. He has started breaking it all the time.

Last night I was discussing his repeated breaking of the rule over the weekend, and he accidentally let it slip that when he masturbates he almost always thinks of me as his wife. How fucking hot and awesome is that? I don't consider myself a jaded individual by any means, but I do think its rare that a man wants marriage that badly. I'm so incredibly turned on by this.

I also found out last night that we have different understandings of the rule. For me, the "next step" is getting engaged. For him, its getting married. WOAH, what? I can't go from dating to married in a year!  I clarified my stance, and of course he likes his side better - but I feel pretty strongly about my stance.

For now, I'll do my best to be good and keep the rule in tact. And I'm sure he'll do his best to get me to do away with it.

Sex on a Saturday afternoon pt1

     So every Saturday afternoon, I take a nap. This has been my tradition for several years as a way to relax from the week and reboot my energy for the coming week. Lately, life has felt extra busy and stressful with work, grad school, job searching, and just LIFE happening in general. When I announced that it was time for my nap (despite being out of bed for only three hours), the BF was not surprised. We had been gaming together, and I assumed he would continue while I rested. I walked up behind his computer chair and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissed his cheek, and told him   I'd let him know when I was awake again so we could have sex.

     He laughed in surprise, but I'm not really sure why. One great thing about the Saturday nap is that I am pretty much guaranteed to wake up horny, so anticipating post-nap sex is something I'd consider a normal and predictable part of our lives by now. I guess waiting a couple of hours was too long, so he logged off the computer and pulled me to the bedroom to have sex right away.

     So there we were, naked, and holding each other, shivering together in our cold sheets. He had me in a bear hug, and I was nestled into his chest with his arms and legs wrapped around me. We both found the cold and the need for heat kind of funny, and we just giggled and ran our hands on each other's backs to warm up. After a few moments, he pulled back a bit and looked down at my chest and said, "Biiig boobies!" Yes, they are. They were squeezed together, nipples against his chest. "I love those big boobies" I mmhmmed my agreement. Yes, the BF is obsessed with my big boobs (and they are pretty fabulous). So I reached down and grabbed his soft dick. I started stroking it from base to tip with my fingers.

     "Get hard for me," I breathed at him.

     "Get me hard," he said back. So I started kissing him. I'm pretty sure kissing him is the fastest way to get him hard aside from putting his dick in my mouth. And lately, he has not been able to get enough of kissing me anywhere. On the lips, on the check, but especially on the neck. And sure enough, he rolled up on top of me and we started kissing more. We started fighting for dominance of the bottom lip - who could suck it more. And then our tongues started playing against each other and our lips and he started kissing up and down my neck.

     Then he reached down and started rubbing his dick in my pussy lips, up and down from entrance to clit, just faintly touching it. He stuck the head of his dick into the entrance, then leaned down to kiss me as he started to slide it in. I flexed my hips to help him slide it all the way in. He started moaning - and from his first moan, I could tell we were in for an extra special time together. I opened my eyes and I saw the look on his face - it was the look of when he's about to cum, but since we had just started, I could feel something else was going on.

     "Love my pussy?" I asked.

     "Oh baby I love your pussy. It's the best pussy in the world!" and he went back to sighing, eyes shut as he thrusted more. The thrusts were slow and gentle, savoring the moment. Then I started to melt into the moment, just letting time disappear into the strong emotions coming off of him. He reached up and put his hands under my neck, wrapping his fingers in my hair. His kisses and lips became urgent.

     I whispered his name in his ear. "What baby?" he asked. "Oh I love you so much!" I gasped. I called out his name again, and grabbed his back. Then he called out my name and hearing him say it like that, so full of desperation and love at the same time, I moaned and pulled him closer, running my hands up and down his back. Then he pulled out his hands and ran them from my thighs, up my sides, and onto my breasts, lightly fondling them all the while gently thrusting. It was the most sensual, erotic feeling. He could hear how turned on I was, and started doing quick thrusts that always hit my clit just right. I encouraged him with "yes, yes, yes" and grabbed his hips and I started cumming.

     He could feel me cumming under him, hips bucking, but he kept going, then slowed down a bit, then started going faster, and I started cumming again. He called out my name again and all I could do was respond with "I love you" before a third orgasm was hitting me.

     And then he broke "the rule," the only rule we have in our relationship, yet one each of us has broken when it just needed to be said. He called me his wife. Again... and again. I couldn't open my eyes, but I knew what it was doing to him. He had my head in his hands and he started thrusting deep and quick calling out "Oh my wife! My wife!" and I finally called back "Oh I love my husband!" I couldn't hold back any longer, a fourth orgasm hit me hard. He heard my cries in his ears, could feel my whole body convulsing and he gave one last, strong, full thrust as he came in me, head on my shoulder, lips on my neck.

     We laid very still, soft little moans to each other with no words. What kind of words can you say in a moment like this, the moment where you've just experienced some of the best sex of your life? Sex filled not just with love, but emotions of love beyond love, hope for the future you both want but can't have yet. Feelings of "This is it" and you love every part of it.

     I don't remember him pulling out or us falling asleep. I just remember drifting in and out of sleep, his arms wrapped so tightly around me, no matter what position I'm in. I remember roasting beneath the covers and not caring. I remember feeling sticky wetness on my pussy lips, ass, and the back of my legs as he held me against him. For two hours we laid there and cuddled. He slept soundly while I drifted in and out of consciousness. And then we woke up.  To be continued.