Monday, July 23, 2012

When life is too busy

This is a sex blog, right? Right.

So what happens when we hit a dry spell, and we've only had sex once in the past week?

Woah, what? Only once!?

Maybe for some it wouldn't be such a big deal. For some that may be normal. For us, we're used to 7-10 times a week, on average. We've never been through this kind of "dry spell" before.

Part of my mind wants to freak out. I freak out that, after hitting the 1 year mark in our relationship, the magic and connection is gone and now we're going to end up in a sexless relationship like I'm  used to. But then the rational side of my brain reminds me that this relationship is NOTHING like my prior one. It's only been a little bit of time, this can happen. It's normal. Sometimes life gets in the way and you get busy. We still desire each other, we're just not clicking.

Really, its me more than anything. I'm overwhelmed at work doing ten and twelve hour days several days a week plus some time on weekends. I'm still trying to unpack and get settled in my home. As @MrAbsnthPassion said to me on twitter:

Too much brain buzz after the move to sort through all the noise

He was referring to my complaint of writer's block, but it holds true for the sex life as well. 

Normally a good sleep will help me recharge, become myself again. But I haven't slept well in weeks. I'm in a viscous cycle of  stressing due to life, and not sleeping due to stress, and trying to sleep to get some rest, only to have life prevent me from resting at all. 

Weekends are normally my break, but if I'm working on the home or doing work work, I'm not getting much of a break. And then each night is best described as fitful. I wake up with terrible muscle aches in my back, shoulders, and neck. 

All of this is making me short on patience and positivity. I feel like a shell just drifting through the days, accomplishing as much as I can in the hope it will one day make up for all my effort and I'll be rewarded for my work with free time. I'm not feeling like myself. 

The normal me would be horny, desiring my boyfriend's affection and attention. I should be open to his advances and making plenty of my own. I would want to masturbate. I'd be silly in my interactions and making him laugh and giggle. I'd want to talk pictures of him and us in sexy poses and lingerie. I'd write my sex toy reviews.

I'll keep trying. I know it will pass. July will just be a less than stellar month for us, but consider the prior twelve, it's OK. Life happens. It will continue.

I/we cannot wait. 


  1. We also shoot for somewhere in the neighborhood of 7-10 times per week. So we understand that once a week, while a significant increase for some people, is a crushing loss to you both.

    And we understand that your instinct is to freak out. We totally understand that, especially based upon your previous relationship. If you hadn't mentioned it in your post, we would have pointed out that your current relationship is so much different than your sexless marriage. There is no reason to believe that you are celebrating your one-year anniversary by ceasing (or severely limiting) your sexual activity.

    The fact is, some couples go through lulls. When they do, there is typically a logical reason for it. As you point out, you are overwhelmed with work, and likely exhausted. The move likely didn't help; moving is generally stressful and exhausting.

    Since there are a multitude of other reasons for the relative lack of sex over the past week(s), I doubt that your desire for each other has waned in the least. It just doesn't sound like you. And while you say that you are feeling negative and out of patience, we think you have reason to be very, very positive. So the sex has slowed down lately. It's just temporary. The abundance of stress and lack of sleep will only last so long, and when the situation corrects itself the desire will still be there.

    Focus on the future, and know that you will be back to your normal rhythm before long. And we will be waiting.

  2. I know this rut. I've been in it recently. Making unexpected progress on a job I've been chasing since February helped kick me out of it a little, but the clutter in the house remaining from the move threatens to overwhelm me still.

    You'll get past it, I'm sure, and I'll applaud you when you do. If I can help in any way, p'raps with a clever tweet, just let me know. ;-)

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

  3. I'm going through the same thing...not sure what has happened. But, I have faith we will get past this!