Formspring Friday: About giving blowjobs

I was asked on twitter: I need advice, how do I get wife to enjoy giving me BJ? She always complains my jaw gets sore, what is she doing wrong?

Well, let me start by saying I'll do my best to answer this for you, but I am only one person and I hope some of my readers will jump in with their comments below to add any other advice I may have missed.

I think the first thing you need to consider is whether or not she wants to give you a BJ. Now, I have heard not all women like to give one and they end up doing it because they feel guilty or forced. I have only heard about this, I haven't experienced it myself. I personally love giving head and the women with whom I do discuss sex with all seem to really enjoy it, too. But I would have to imagine that, like all things, it just may not be some people's cup of tea. If that's the case, you need to find that out and talk about it. Obviously you're still going to want, and she's still not going to like it, and that's up to you two to solve.

So what if she does like to give head and she just finds it really difficult? Well, here are my cock-sucking tips for the women and men who love to suck cock, but find it difficult:

1. Stamina. Sucking cock takes stamina. It's not easy to keep your mouth open, tongue moving, sucking action going, and gag reflex in check for a sustained amount of time. (If you've never sucked cock yourself - suck a dildo for 5 minutes straight to get a feel for it). So sucking cock does take some stamina. I deal with this in a couple of ways. First, I chew a lot of gum - not to keep up my stamina, but because I like to chew gum. But all that chewing (3-4 hours at a stretch) does build some jaw strength. Then, I practice. I suck cock about once a week, sometimes more. I notice that if I go more than two weeks without sucking cock, it gets harder to do. So part of sucking cock is doing it somewhat often. The timing will depend on both of you... but trust me, the more you suck, the better at it you become. You learn more what to do, how to please, what he likes, how to get him off. Its not a race to make it the quickest orgasm ever, more that practice makes perfect. And practice builds stamina.  If the jaw is hurting, it could be because your cock is really big for her mouth and she'll need to focus more on the head and less on the whole cock. This is best done by sucking on the head and letting your hands work the rest of the cock.

2. Pace yourself.  Really this makes a HUGE difference. Start off slow, not fast and furious. Think of a BJ as stages of pleasure. Starting off should be working him up, getting him hard, focus on letting his cock just fill your mouth. Make him wet, let your saliva cover every inch of his cock. Then start kissing, licking, sucking and getting the excitement level to build. Play with the balls and every different part of his cock. Vary your rhythm. Get him very excited. When you're ready for him to cum, start building that orgasm with concentrated focus on his most sensitive parts - the head, and just under the head. Deep throat him, suck him, keep your mouth stationary and have your tongue run circles around the head. Listen to his breathing and his moans as clues as to where you are. Feel his body move to know what is working and what isn't.

3. Use your assets. Giving a BJ does not mean that you have to only suck cock. Maybe this is obvious, maybe its not. Sucking cock you should also use your hands and the rest of your body. Even your eyes can play a role! I  suck cock naked so he can watch my body move. I'll change my hair depending on the day - up away from the face, framing my face, or in pigtails. I usually kneel in between his legs while he's on his back - and my boobs hang down and cuddle against his balls depending on my angle. Sometimes to give my mouth a break I'll titty-fuck him for a bit. I'll handle his balls with one or both hands. I'll finger his asshole or even pull out a prostate massager and let that help me build up the orgasm a lot faster. Even jacking him off with your hand for a bit is a great break for your mouth - and your saliva can serve as the lube. If you need a longer break, climb on board and ride that cock. You may decide to end the BJ there and just continue with sex - or you can swap back and forth. It doesn't always have to be the same. If you feel that you're getting tired, change it up so you can take a mini-break and get back to sucking in a little bit.

My last tips are for you and all the other men out there.

1. Help us cock-sucking lovers out - don't make it hard for you to cum. Don't masturbate or cum too soon before the BJ starts. I can almost always make my BF cum from a BJ, but sometimes I can't. And I know about how long things should go until he should be experiencing an incredible orgasm. But if things are going, and going, and going, and I'm struggling to keep it up, I start getting resentful. It pisses me off asking for a BJ when the guy has (unintentionally) made it difficult to cum. Giving yourself that extra lasting power is great for you - but I can only give so much.

2. If you are blessed with long stamina and it takes a lot for you to cum - good for you. However, keep in mind that she may not be able to make you cum by BJ alone. Sucking for more than 5 minutes is good, more than 10 is pretty much superhuman. I've never timed how long I can last, but I know that 5 minutes sucking cock can feel like a lot longer if I'm giving him a good hard suck.

3. Final note guys: let her know its appreciated! Nothing says "thank you" for a BJ other than eating pussy. Or however else she loves to cum. And sometimes, make it all about her. Don't keep this kind of special pleasure reserved for "I'll eat you if you eat me." Sometimes its about her, sometimes its about you.

Bottom line: don't pressure too much and definitely let your partner know how good it feels and how you appreciate what he or she has done for you.

Readers - I'd love hear your input on this question!