Thursday, September 6, 2012

One plus Two Equals Three


Funny how adding one makes such a difference! Yesterday I posted about our first threesome. I told you want happened, but now I need to share our thoughts and reactions.

We knew this day would come. From before our relationship started, we had talked about this happening. Back then it was more a him+guy and me+girl with the other partner present to observe as the way of sharing more than an actual threesome where we're both involved. We're both bisexual, we both want to have fun with our own gender.

But in the past six months, we've started talking about more than just that. We've talked about him sharing me with other men. There are some real life men out there he would really like to share me with. In our mutual masturbation fantasies, there's talk of making me a cum slut where I just get fucked and fucked by one guy after the next. Its a very hot fantasy we both enjoy.

As much as I want my time with a woman, I'm not sure I can share him with another woman. My boyfriend understands my point of view. Every time we discuss this, he tells me its not important to him and whatever my comfort level and decision is, he will be happy with it. I love that freedom to safely say how I really feel and have that automatically accepted and appreciated.

Our first threesome experience wasn't what either of us would have guessed it would be. Pegging? Of all the sexual acts I would never have guessed that to be my first experience with another man. Pegging requires a lot of communication and trust between partners. I don't adovcate just shoving anything into an oriface; but working a dildo into the ass of someone you met five minutes ago makes the stakes really high in terms of comfort and trust.

During our initial conversation, Mr. A mentioned that women typically want to sit and talk before jumping in to sex whereas men are much more of a "Hi" then drop your pants and jump into sex. The more I thought about this, the more it struck me why it was so important to me.

I don't like casual sex.

I've never had casual sex before. For me, sex is too intimate to just happen randomly. Both of my partners (prior to the threesome) were the result of a loving relationship. I never let anything physical happen without those feelings in place.

With Mr. A, even though I barely touched him, even holding his legs while pegging him was... uninteresting. I think the reason why he wasn't interested in finishing with me pegging him was because I was noticeably disinterested. It meant nothing to me and I didn't want to be involved very much.

I loved watching my boyfriend interact with Mr. A. That was very hot and it made me so happy to see him so pleased. He really enjoyed it sucking cock and having his own sucked. However, he could tell how I wasn't as into it as we thought I would or could be. I think my disinterest lowered his enjoyment a bit.

My boyfriend has had one night stands in the past. He's not where I am in terms of needing that connection to enjoy it. However, I think our relationship is so close and so happy that this experience was just sex and having that direct comparison made it just pale in comparison.

In the end, there's no replacement for intimacy in a sexual relationship.

Will we still play with others? Absolutely. That hasn't changed. But next time, I think we both want those extra partner(s) to be people we know, like, and can connect with person to person.


  1. Totally understand. My fantasy is MFM, with the men being all about me. Even with that want I don't want a person I have never met. I can't get from here to there with a lick and a promise. Showing my body to some stranger makes me a nervous wreck as I am very self conscious. So it works that way for me as well.

  2. SwingBot and I make poor swingers because -- among other reasons -- we are slow-moving and hesitant. We want to know people before having sex, and many people seeking others for sex seem to want casual encounters or move more quickly than we do. (It doesn't help that, as we get to know some folks, we shift from "Maybe" to "Ew, no.")

    We have been enjoying MFM/FMM threesomes (sometimes with MM play, sometimes not) for a year now with one play partner. Personally, I like the comfort and familiarity of us all knowing and trusting one another. I think the sex gets better over time. Some folks extoll the virtues of variety from casual sex, but I remember casual sex being insert-thrust-cum-done. The bodies were different, but the acts were pretty dull. By knowing and trusting each other, we can explore and try different things; the acts themselves provide great variety.

    I would love to add more folks to the play, too. All three of us have fantasies of me being the center of a gang bang, of me being with another woman, and other activities that require more people. I just want to make sure that those other people are friends with benefits, rather than one-time flings.

  3. Good job making note of your feelings and reactions following your threesome. It's important to get it out in the open so that, if it happens again, you have a good understanding of what you want and need to get out of the experience.

    We understand your hesitance to share your boyfriend with another woman; a lot of bi couples we know who play with other people do so to experience things they can't experience with their own partners. Letting him do something with another woman that he can do with you is different than, say, letting him do something with a guy. Not everyone can or will ever be comfortable with that. If this is where your limit lies, then it simply is. And you're fortunate to have a boyfriend who gets that and is willing to abide by it.

    I'm not sure that I'd let a woman I just met peg me. Of course, it's doubtful that I'd let a woman I've been married to for a decade peg me, either. It's for the same reason that some BDSM practitioners probably wouldn't get into a very intense flogging scene with a relative stranger, or why Jill probably wouldn't let a one-night stand fist her.

    Mr. A's point about the difference between women and men is interesting to me. I've had a lot of casual sex in my life, and I sometimes miss it. But the woman who's joined us for all of our threesomes thusfar is a close friend of mine who I've known for almost twenty-five years. We haven't always been close friends - certainly not as close as we are now - but I suspect that it's the connection we have that has made it so gratifying. I don't need the connection, but I like it when it's there.

    We're sorry that the pegging was uninteresting, but at the end of the day it's the connection between you and your boyfriend that truly matters, and seeing him so happy will only strengthen your commitment to each other. Extracurricular activities will probably never come close to the intensity of the sex you have with your boyfriend. It may always be, at best, a fun, meaningless diversion that provides you with an experience you wouldn't be able to have otherwise.

  4. Mrs. AP feels very much the same way as you do. While she can (and has) engaged in more casual sex acts before, she much prefers the connection and added intimacy of being with somebody for whom she has an established emotional connection, even if only at a trusted friend level. It's one of the reasons why she's not keen on visiting the local swinger club unless it's on a really busy and interesting themed night -- and even then we may likely just end up with each other in the Lover's Lane open/group room.

    I can, and have, engaged in the no strings attached casual sex. When I was doing so it was while I was in a depressed state. The encounters often left me feeling lonely and empty afterward. The encounters Mrs. AP and I have had together with somebody else haven't left me feeling that way because she's there to allow that combination of intimate connection and wanton, casual fun. The intersection of the two is amazing for me.

    Like Jack and Jill said, it's important that you identify where something works, where something doesn't, and talk it out between you two. It sounds like you're doing a great job at that. I look forward to hearing about any and all future explorations.

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

  5. Congratulations on having another “first experience”!

    Also, kudos to you for keeping the lines of communication open and taking the time to share with your partner how you felt about it.

  6. Before I even read this response I told Neo about what you had done and we both "think" we want more of a connection with the others when we do end up playing together. It's good to hear your take on it and how you've been able to communicate to have a different experience perhaps another time. You two are so good together :)