Sunday, October 28, 2012

The subconscious love

He loves me, subconsciously. 

When we first started sleeping together, he woke me up every night, sometimes multiple times, with his sleep talking. Mumbled words, incoherent phrases, it didn't matter. They were loud enough to startle me awake, and as soon as I realized he was still sleeping, it was over.

It made me tired. Most of the time I couldn't understand what he was saying. Or, if I did, it didn't make sense. He would say something like, "The brick isn't a cow" and I'd be left bewildered, trying to figure out that it meant. In the morning, he never remembered what he said or dreamt.

It was so funny... I've never experienced anything like this. Being woken up every night wasn't fun, especially when it would take me about fifteen minutes to fall back asleep. Then I had another idea.

How long had I know this man? Well, online for a year... in person, just a few weeks. I had to do "the test."  So the next night...

"(mumbled words)" he says and wakes me again.

"Do you love me?"

He smiles in his sleep. "Of course I love you."

"Are you sure?"

He sighs. "Yes, I love you. Just deal with it."

I repeated the test another night a week later, with similar answers. The smile on my face the next day at work was infectious.

And then came other signs:
  • If I roll over to hold him at night, he automatically grabs my hand and holds it to his chest with a grip I'd have to make an effort to escape.
  • If I move his arm to lay on his chest, he repositions his whole body to hold me and wraps his arms around me.
  • If I kiss him goodbye when I leave for work, he tells me "I love you beautiful" in his sleep.
  • If I cuddle into him, he pushes his body back into me to be close
All of these not-so-subtle and subconscious actions reflect what he's been telling me for a year and a half: he loves me. They say actions speak louder than words... they do. But subconscious actions? It's like screaming love from a mountain top.

No comments:

Post a Comment