Tuesday, October 16, 2012

TMI Tuesday: Can we just be friends?

1.     Have you ever had a friendship with a someone where you secretly (or not so secretly) desired them?
 Absolutely! In high school I had a crush on several guys who were my friends. I couldn't help it - they were sweet, fun, and hot. I even got the nerve to tell a couple of them I liked them. One of the turned into a pity date (it was sweet but yeah, neither of us wanted more than that one date) and the other turned into a very complicated relationship. I haven't told that story, and I'm not sure I ever will at this point.

2.     Are you prone to jealousy, suspicion or insecurity when your partner spends time with an attractive close friend without you? Why?
No, I'm not. I fully trust him and I don't regulate his friendships or people he talks to without me. We operate on full disclosure, and he has no problems telling me if he thinks she's attractive (and in how many ways) and how things went. I do the same. Neither of us has anything to hide or worry about with our other half being out with anyone attractive. Since we're bisexual, if we had this concern it would have to be with anyone in the world. That's too exhausting!

3.     Has a previously platonic friendship ever bloomed into a sexual relationship?
Yes. This is how my ex-husband and I started. We were platonic friends and started dating from peer pressure of "Well, you hang out enough to be." It was the first sexual relationship for either of us. My mistake was confusing interest in sex for interested in him.  

4.     Have you ever remained close friends with an ex-lover?
No, I'm not really friends with my ex-husband. I tried as he was and had been in that "friend-zone" for a while, but it only ended in him getting vicious with his words from all the hurt I caused him... so that's on hiatus. It's a shame - in so many ways he could be a really good friend. He always was and I'd like him to be.

I've remained friends with that complicated relationship from high school I mentioned in #1. He was my first love but we knew it would never work out, so we refrained from a sexual relationship. I think that restraint helped us stay friends afterwards. We stayed in touch consistently. He came to my wedding, and asked me to meet a potential fiancee as he wanted an old friend's opinion since he didn't have any other older friends in the area to meet her. I'm invited to his wedding in January. I've loved that, despite the high emotional component of our relationship, we readjusted back to friends.

Bonus:  Have you ever developed feelings for a “friend with benefits”? How did it develop, unfold, resolve?
No. I don't think I could do this type of relationship.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!


  1. Great answers. My ex-husband and I could never be friends and sometimes I do wish we could have been. We shared a small part of our lives together and he was a decent guy when we got together; I think I just hate the feeling that us not being friends makes it seem as if it never happened. I know that's ridiculous, but it is true! Thanks for sharing. Happy Tuesday!

  2. LOVE your point in #3, I often confuse my desire for the sex with someone, and how great that can be, to muddy my actual feelings for the person..... sex is a big part of my life and a large drive.
    Happy Tuesday!

  3. I know what you mean about restraint being helpful. Just because chemistry is there, doesn't mean you should act upon it. You don't have to worry about wrecking an incredible friendship.

  4. Great answer to #2! It's always awesome to know that sexy, intelligent people who we really respect (such as yourself) feel little or no jealousy in the context of their relationships. The trust you so obviously feel for one another is admirable.

    Your answer to #4 made us sad. We hope that the wounds heal and that in time you and your ex are able to be friends.